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When do you know you're beat?

Updated on August 4, 2016

Family comes first. And I somehow managed to destroy 4.

I am starting this hub to reach out to those who see themselves in me. Those who have seen themselves in this similar situation. I share my story because I believe that even if this is one of a million out there, we try to create positivity, support to those in need. Whether they accept their fate and move forward or not.

My story begins from Manila. Growing up in a sheltered environment, I had visions of stability for my future. Clothes, shelter, love and yet I felt the need for something more. Fast forward to adolescence, and I lived simply. Far from fame, far from notoriety, distanced from vices. I was at a stage wherein I had the same visions of a simple family life. A house, a loving wife, kids: a complete quiet and contented family life.

And this is where my story goes awry. Fast paced corporate life, steady income, highly regarded and toast of the town even. Yes, success went to my head. But for the past 12 years, it just dawned on me a few days ago that this was the root cause of my problems. I began to hide things from the family that loved and cared for me so much. The biggest thing I hid from them: that I found the woman who would love me unconditionally. 9 years of hiding, lying, all because I was too arrogant, scared to admit that I love someone so much. I was too much in love with myself, with my talents, thinking I can get away with anything. And yes, call me spoiled too, knowing I could get away with almost anything.

When the time came that I wanted to marry my wife, my family accepted despite their disappointment in me. They accepted me and my wife despite me disappointing them. My family loved us unconditionally. This was my dream life: a high paying job, a loving wife, a child on the way, a great support system. In totality: a complete family.

But I never addressed my problem of wanting more. If anyone has felt this before, the need of satisfying one's ego, please just stop. In my case, I lost everything. All in a snap.

A moment of infidelity, praying for the wrong things, deceit all took the love of family away. And for what? This is why I write, to those out there. Please, always think of family before doing anything stupid. Never think of yourself, because I didn't do that and look where I am now. I have destroyed 4 families as a result. All because I couldn't stop. All because I had poor judgment, rationalizing wrong things, and never sincerely praying for guidance.

My experience has taught me these lessons, and I am not even sure if I will recover.

a. Talk to your family when somethings wrong

b. Don't be afraid to ask for help

c. Never let success get to your head

d. Never think you can get away with anything

e. Pray

f. Accept your fate and be man enough

What I can pray and impart is that always accept when you are defeated. And defeat comes before you start a wrong deed. A wrong deed that grows and grows in magnitude until it consumes you. Until it takes away everything from you. This post is about family, because I know focus on saving my family. I have accepted my fate, and whatever happens all I can do is try and try. Wish me luck and I wish everyone with a similar issue to always pray and lend support to those who need it. It's always best to make a positive impact than cast the first stone.


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    • millertime31 profile image

      Bri 20 months ago

      Thank you for your comment Denise, in my case, i was so selfish to appreciate the value of family. Instead of managing the normal challenges of family life, i ended up creating a bigger challenge that threatens to destroy my family. I wish you and your family happiness God bless

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 20 months ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      They say that experience is the best teacher. Perhaps, but like you, I have come to believe that family is everything, that nothing else really matters. How, then, do we live in such a way that our family makes it through all of the difficulties of life? These difficulties will surely be there, no matter who we are, no matter what we have done.