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Parenting the Beginning -Who is the Boss?
It’s happened. THE new baby has come into the world. And it is THE baby because it’s yours and only yours. Whether you are a couple or a single parent, it’s still yours and yours alone.
This is, in my eyes imperative to understand and realize. It is important, because no matter what anyone tells you what to do, it is your decision only as how and what to do with this new addition to the family.
Yes, now there is a family. That’s what happens when a kid comes along. So hear we have this little living soul who basically is considered helpless. Well, the baby needs to be fed, bathed and dressed by us parents, but it is far from helpless and it controls us from the minute it’s born. This control I will address in future Hubs.
But, as I said in my first Hub, this is where we as the parents have to begin making decisions as how to act and react.
We now have a baby, and we also , bless them all, have - our parents, from both sides (in couples) , our sisters, brothers, sisters in law, brothers in law, aunts, uncles, friends and I can go on right up to our grade one class teacher - who all want to give advice. Most of them do it out of compassion, and because of the fact that they think they know what should be done. Some of them do not even have their own child but everyone has an opinion. There are those who go further, especially our close family who expect that what they tell us to do should be done.
But – remember – this is OUR, YOU’RE baby.
So, how do we swim in this very full pool? Well, it’s not too difficult, not only to stay afloat but to really swim and enjoy it (even with the sleepless nights)
The first and foremost action that one needs to do is to be in agreement with ones spouse. Each of us has their own ideas and none of us is the boss. We are, in my eyes, and well whatever I write is only in my eyes, full partners. If there are differences, and there are and always will be, we should talk them out, come to an agreement and apply. This idea and agreement situation is a long complicated topic, so for now let’s just agree to agree. When a course of action is decided upon, both parents should follow it, together as one. We needn’t be afraid, we will make mistakes. Babies are much stronger than you imagine and all they need is logical, common sense care and not rocket science. Mammals the world over all have babies they care for. Just be together and use what we have been given, a thinking brain. And do it calmly, nothing is usually an emergency.
So, that settled, together, I believe we should make it clear to all, and I mean all, that WE ARE the BOSS. Not our Moms or Dads or whoever.
BUT – a big BUT – DON’T shut them out (if they are normal, loving and caring).
Just make them aware that their advice and especially help is more than welcome. Actually their help can be a “life-saver”, but the decision of what to do is ours. This decision is also what they, our helpers should do. You would be surprised, but even the bossiest parents, just as children are, will accept and even honor their child who is taking and making decisions. Just tell them affirmatively but gently. Listen to them first, they may say what you want to hear, and diplomacy can be helpful. Be wise, yet decisive.
I also believe that actually asking for advice when in doubt and listening to it is helpful, especially from people who have had children and who want to help out of love. They do have experience and there is no need to invent the wheel, just use it if it fits the situation. Listen to others and hear what they have to say. See if it sounds “good” to you. A lot of people know what to do.
Well, here I am in my hubs giving my advice and thoughts from experience. It’s your decision whether to use it or not.
Therefore to summarize, we the parents are the boss of the situation, but we appreciate help and advice. We are the big chief and the final decision is ours, but we enjoy and welcome other’s suggestions and assistance.
Actually this being the decision maker will have impact throughout our lives, with or without kids, but I will for now stick to kids.
Thanks for reading,