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Mommy Dearest could it be you?

Updated on February 25, 2014

Jailmate or Jailbate

Mommy Murdering Mania

There seems to be a rise of mommy murders in the past ten years or so. Mommy dearest is not just a character from a movie anymore. She is real; she could be your Mommy or the mother next door. I am so surprised honestly by this trend. There was a mother on Dr. Phil the other day that had left her two sons at a gas station.

She was arrested, but proclaimed that she had no memory of that incident. She was given a lie detector test and failed every question. Dr. Phil, read my mind when he said, "You seem to be devoid of emotion." That was an understatement. She had not one tear that I saw about I left my boys and I'm distraught. Her main concern was what’s wrong with me, fix me please.

I found that strange that she claimed to love her kids and all her emotions were wrapped in a nice neat bundle for herself only. Then there were the mom's in the Atlanta news who left their toddler aged children at home alone came back hours later to find the police. There are endless recent articles on mothers committing suicide and taking out their children as well. I thought to myself, if you are bad enough or sad enough to take your own life, why do the children have to go, too. Is that saying they should cease to exist without you?

Then, I thought does this have anything to do with selfishness or misery? Misery because you have to be pretty miserable or crippled with pain to kill yourself or to turn to your babies and kill them or leave them with no way to care for themselves. The image of Susan Smith comes to mind seeing that little hand pressed again the glass, possibly hearing the screams, "Mommy!" As her two babies car seat strapped down sink to the bottom of the pond.

The Great Divide

Are we to blame for MMM?

Are we to blame as a society for Mommy Murdering Mania? Have the leave it to beaver, stepford wives, all around Mommy Hero, led to unrealistic expectations as it comes to being a modern day Mom. If a woman works she is still expected to perform household duties in taking with her social role expectation. As a result of some women feeling as if they have failed miserably, some have taken this route. Some have felt like failures because they do not measure up, honestly while I sympathize with their dilemma that is not excuse for murdering your babies. These women should be liberated from a society that has totally disregarded them not only at home, but in the workplace.

They are struggling with being everything to everyone, but when can they just be? Women have struggled for many years with this issue. There have been debates on home mom vs. working mom. There is guilt and regret to go around; the working mom doesn't spend enough time with her kids, absent mom. The stay at home mom is a slave to her husband and children and has no life outside of the home. I think an excellent illustration was the journey of Bree Vandercamp from Desperate Housewives.

She went from the textbook stepford wife and grew into the independent, liberated, yet loyal businesswoman. Each case is however different, which each woman. If we as a society make a conscience effort to put less stress on women to be perfect and put more effort into celebrating with them being who they are and embracing a balance that works for their unique situation. This could be a good effort at putting an end to MMM or at least slow it down (I'm realistic.) Mental illness is real and real thing and is very prevalent in this culture, so let put more effort into a communal solution and less effort into fueling the fire, myself included! ;) If you think you are going to be a danger to your babies take them to a safe place and get yourself some help, please!

Is a stay at home mom more or less likely to harm her children?

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    • brittvan22 profile image

      brittvan22 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Come now Sherry (happens to be my mom's name so this is kind of weird) I never say anything without the search. I will have a dual masters next year in womanist studies and psychology of religion/pastoral care, what I am saying is that it is more prevalent in this society. I also can understand from a psychology's statement the statement you are saying, how ever that is not the case in every case. It may be a pattern, but each case has its own uniquenesses. And murder suicide is another thing altogether. The women in my article didn't kill themselves just their kids. I will post some more links for you to see the hard facts. (Just because you share a nice with my Mom spelling and all.)Thanks for your input.

    • Sherry Hewins profile image

      Sherry Hewins 4 years ago from Sierra Foothills, CA

      I was only saying, psychologists say, that when a parent commits suicide, and also kills the child, they see it as caretaking. I don't think that would apply if the parent does not commit suicide. I'm wondering what you're basing the opinion on that it's increasing, and more prevalent among mothers. Is it just your perception based on what you see on TV, or did you investigate statistics on it?

    • brittvan22 profile image

      brittvan22 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      @Sherry actually is does seem to a trend in this society. It is a new phenomeon, however I live in Atlanta, Georgia in where you have a four to one, because I live in a metropolitian area my statistics are more higher. And to say they think that they are aiding the child, is a generalization, maybe I could buy that for Andrea Yates, but not cases like Susan Smith. Have you checked your Benadryl bottle lately, it says do not administer to child. Some have been giving it to their children in order to put them to sleep. However, I can not count on two hands this year the cases of mothers murdering their children. And in the United States not even this past week or month. I am not saying some father's don't do the same thing, however, I am bringing awareness to this subject, because I think society has created a dilemma through non-acceptance and being unopen that leaves a gateway open for this to occur. Not all women want to be moms not all men want to be dads. It is a socio-psychological issue in our society.

    • Sherry Hewins profile image

      Sherry Hewins 5 years ago from Sierra Foothills, CA

      I don't believe moms killing their kids is any more prevalent now than it has been in the past. It's just that the media sensationalizes some of these cases. I also think fathers are just as likely, if not more likely, to kill their offspring as mothers are. There have been four cases of child murder in my county in the 25 years I've lived here, one commited by a mother, the other three by fathers. I doubt that anyone not living in this area ever heard much about any of these cases. In the case of murder/suicide, which was the case with one of these dads, from a psychological point of view some experts say the perpretrator feels that they are taking care of the kids by not leaving them behind.

    • brittvan22 profile image

      brittvan22 5 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      @breathetotravel, I agree with you in so far as needing to have God and a strong support system. In this individualistic, me,me,me society that won't work, selfishness, greed, exploitation continuously feed and keep the capitalist ball rolling. They are not not monsters, just as much as you and I are not. They are humans that live in a society that frowns upon things that would unite people and see our similiarities. They make people a shamed of failure and who they may truly be. Anything can be a moneymaker! I think if they were allowed to be who they were and embrace their realities. They could make more thought out decisions that didn't lead to the death of their children at their own hand.

    • breathe2travel profile image

      breathe2travel 5 years ago from Gulf Coast, USA

      I am not a proponent of women's lib as far as the world promotes it - degrading men, especially. I believe in equal rights, but not in restrictive laws such as Affirmative Action.

      Our culture is bombarded with selfishness, entitlements, compromise, violence. Without a filter system, one's soul/mind gets ensnared.

      I've dreamt of being a mom since childhood - and am thankful for my beautiful family. There have been seasons of struggle that were overwhelming at points -- if I did not have a relationship with my Maker and with trusted friends, I'm not sure how I would have fared. I'd like to think that I'm not a monster, but we haven't walked these women's lives out, either. But for the grace of God...

    • brittvan22 profile image

      brittvan22 5 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Thanks Chris, wow you're wife has good instincts. I felt sorry for Andrea Yates, mental illness and shame theology is deadly mix. I can appreciate your attempts in understanding. For me, when we categorize people we forget their own uniques. For some motherhood is all they ever wanted and dreamed of and they can't wait! For some it just happens and they dread it. The issue comes in when they suppress their emotions and adopt a shame/guilt theology that only ends in disaster.

    • Chris Neal profile image

      Chris Neal 5 years ago from Fishers, IN

      Very interesting hub! The two images in my head are Susan Smith (who my wife pegged as the murderer from the very beginning) and Andrea Yates, truly seemed like she needed help and was crying out for it but didn't get any. As a very young man, I watched the Women's Lib movement in the 70's, and as a middle-aged man I've seen the Mommy Wars and the War Against Women in this century. As a man it can be difficult to really get inside a woman's mind, but I still try. Thank you for this article!

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