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Why is the role of father overlooked in the family? Hero of the family!

Updated on July 23, 2014

‘My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.’- Jim Valvano

The role of a mother has always been discussed, evaluated and appreciated by almost everyone. But there has hardly been any discussion about the role of a father.

  • Is he a redundant member of the family?
  • Does he not have any role to play?
  • Why is he overlooked?

What exactly is a family?

You marry out of love and branch out as a family with children as your anchor. You are united together in love and care. It is an emotional bond and requires sustained efforts from every one of you to make your family life meaningful and loving.

Your wife exists and lives for you and your children. She finds it easy to be focused on her family and so forgoes many of her wishes. But the same cannot be said about you. Your family is a part of your life and not your entire life. So it is only natural that your wife edges you out as being the pillar of strength of your family.

  • Do you feel that you are being overlooked by your family?
  • Do you think that you are not given as much importance as your wife?
  • Why is your wife considered the pillar of strength in your family?
  • Why are you a mere spectator to the bond between your wife and children?

When your children are young they cling to you for all their small wishes while your wife takes a backseat in their life. You are their joy and fun.

  • Why do your children always look upon you as a hero when they are young?

When your children are young their needs are focused towards enjoyment and fun. They want to have all the fun in life and you are the person they look towards for fulfilling their childish cravings. Your wife is always worried about the future of the family and so she is more inclined on saving money rather than on spending it.

It is here you step in as an indulgent father. You as a man are very practical and think that any problem should be faced as and when it crops up. You are more than ready to take them to outing and your wallet remains open to their childish needs. You do not think of the cost but the happiness it gives your children.

Indulgent father

When you go for shopping children tend to ask unwanted things and your wife becomes a stern mother advising them about the cost and how there are many essential commitments to be met in the family. But you brush her aside and buy whatever they ask and naturally your children feel that you are a hero who gets them everything they crave for. You feel egoistic on being the heroic father of your children.

Your children need emotional support when they grow up!

But you are in for a shock as your children grow up. When your children enter adulthood their craving is not for enjoyment but for emotional bond. This is when your wife pushes you aside to enter their life as an understanding mother who strikes a perfect emotional chord with them.

They do not get the emotional support from you as your practical mind cannot understand the inner cravings of your children, where as your wife can visualize their needs and make them feel that they have someone on whom they can lean on. The gap between you and your children widens as you are not able to cope up with the ever changing emotions of your children.

Your children will love you always

You are shattered inside that your children do not love you anymore. It is not that your children have out grown you; it is that you overlook their changed needs and so they turn towards your wife who makes them feel loved and cared.

The role you play as a father can never be overlooked. If your wife is the pillar of strength of your family; you are the balancing figure of the family. Your wife is always serious and concentrated on her family, but you will always be the fun, humor and unwinding element for your children.

© 2013 mathira


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    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 4 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      Fathers are a vital part of every family. Their roles change as children get older, especially with the coming of children or grandchildren into the picture. I believe that fathers also help their children to plan and prepare for their future by teaching their children about the world outside of the home. Their leadership in the spiritual also is greatly needed. As more fathers realize that they are a valuable part of their family, more families will be blessed by them.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 4 years ago from The Caribbean

      I especially like your last two paragraphs. From other comments, it is obvious that you have touched fathers. Good job!

    • cam8510 profile image

      Chris Mills 4 years ago from Missoula, Montana at least until March 2018

      I understand what you are saying here. You have made some general observations about families. Fathers are often in the shadow of a mother/wife who is seen as strong, as holding the family together. You have shown here that men, husbands, fathers should value their place in the family and that societies should also value fathers.

      My wife passed away five years ago at the age of forty-five. She is remembered by family and friends as a strong, caring mother, wife and friend. There is no question of the important role she has played in our family. I am just now beginning to be able to look at my own role in our family. I have not been perfect, but I have had my good moments. Thank you for this. It has been an encouragement to me to view myself as a positive influence in the lives of my sons.

    • VVanNess profile image

      Victoria Van Ness 4 years ago from Prescott Valley

      Instead of being helpful, uplifting and informing, you seem to paint a picture from childhood that keeps cropping up and disturbing you.

      Maybe you could phrase things in the possible not as facts, and give hope to the possibilities and positive memories you've had of your father. This article makes it seem as if children are necessary to have a family, a wife is a negative thing to her husband, and a husband is a negative influence on his children.

      Unfortunately this is not what I was expecting. Not all families are like this.