Art of Parenting : Guide for beginners
How do we groom children
Most parents or elders who need to guide children themselves feel as complete packages once they start grooming children.They feel that they are complete experts and are now ready to ponder upon the next generation with all the stuff they have.
But, they actually forget or ignore the fact that they are still in a beta version.They need to start taking their new classes as beginners.Yes, we are all beginners in the course called "Parenting".
We need to learn a lot and take practical guidance from our own children as they are the one who are going to teach us all the skills.
There is no particular standard to be followed for parenting I believe.There may be some guidance which can be taken from others but only as a trial. There is only a chance of getting 100% result by following others' experiences.
This happens because, no person is similar to the other in mentality or behavior in this world.We can't judge our youngsters on the basis of the guidance given by our relatives or neighbors about their parenting skill or the way tackled their child in a certain situation. We need to experiment and experience ourselves and see the result and act accordingly.
Different Stages of Parenting
- When ever I see parents with toddlers, I see them very happy,completely detached from the world and enjoying every moment of their lives with the child ,as though they are not going to miss any second which is considered to be very precious.
They don't bother about others,whatever the child may do.Everything is acceptable then and this is continued till the toddler reaches a certain age when he has to join others without his parents for a few hours daily as a routine.The toddler is given high importance and is pampered like anything and even people around just enjoy whatever he does.
- Once, he joins a school, then comes the real part of the show.Being pampered till then, he feels it too hard to manage himself.But he has to accept the fact that he has to manage this way for at least 15 more years ! That is a very big task for him.So, he starts fighting with himself to get accustomed to the change. And at last when he fails to accustom, he starts his tantrums !
So, why should we pamper kids so much that they are unable to accustom themselves ?Or why don't we give them some time to accustom,overnight we can't change ourselves, how can we expect it from children? Why is explaining them politely not accepted ?And once the parents start being rude to them children don't understand,and the only solution they find is imitating their parents and start being rude.
What then Must We Do
Most of the time, some parents keep comparing children so that they learn by watching others. "see how the boy next door is behaving , learn from him" This is most common dialogue delivered by most parents. But they ignore the fact that the boy next door who is a stranger to the child is being force fully created as ideal for him.Children love to follow whom they have intimacy with.
But here again, by comparing them with others,parents are unknowingly making them feel inferior.Now the child feels that the boy next door is being loved and there are chances for him to start hating the stranger or the one who is being compared.
In some other families, there is always a dispute between the members or a quarrel between members and neighbors. Children keep growing with such surroundings and they get used to such behaviors and feel that is too common and acceptable to fight or shout.But when parents are complained about their children for this behavior they in turn warn them.Again the child is confused with the parent here.
The main point to be taken care of is that most children learn through imitation and parents themselves should keep a check on what they are doing at least in the presence of the child.
Do you charge your kids
Why Does A Child Starts Being Arrogant
Some other parents think it a very good parenting skill to be very strict to children.They boast about their skill that their children are having very good etiquette only because of the strictness.
They keep following the statement "Spare the rod and spoil the child ."This is actually not necessary, children need not be groomed such that they are feeling their parents as some terror.Some children even run inside rooms to hide themselves like rats escape while being chased , when the parent being strict to them is seen.
Strictness is required only to some extent and not to miss the sweet moments to be experienced which can be shared when children are still too young.
Recently I observed a parent who was busy playing video games on smart phone while travelling by train.He had a kid who was around 6 to 7 yrs old.The kid started playing with a kid of about his age in the same compartment and both of them were busy playing ....acting as though they were shooting each other ,hiding behind pillows to escape the bullets...very happy enjoying .But I didn't understand what happened to the parent,he started charging his kid and finally succeeded in preventing them from playing.What sort of discipline is this ?
The child will start being busy with only non-living matter by the time he reaches maturity I felt.He won't have time to use his voice or brain to interact with others.There won't be any exchange of ideas with others and they will be dumb heads if they are not allowed to mingle with other children.
Why are some parents expecting children to grow up so early,and behave like adults when they are still kids.
Why is the innocence,childishness,tenderness,cute naughtiness being killed ?
Everything changes with time
As time passes,children automatically become matured and start learning to be matured.We need not be too harsh or too strict to them for molding them to matured , disciplined "kids".
The things to be accepted is that they are kids and it is all right if they are naughty to some extent.
Naughtiness has got innocence and a sort of cuteness which we can find only in kids not adults.
Kids are more happy as they Never bother about others and why should they after all bother about those who are forbidding them from being "kids".
Some things need to be left to time and as time passes ,we will nowhere find the kid whom we used to charge or about whom we used to worry a lot ,thinking what he was going to turn into once he grows up.
Just keep checking and observing your kid every now and then and cheer the moments with him lest you may miss the child and the sweet memories with him !