Winning Hearts with Emotional Quotient
A lot of us get tested for our IQ. Many believe that high IQ gets us great jobs and helps us flourish. However, besides IQ, it’s EQ which helps us win in life and be happy.
Have you ever tested your Intelligence Quotient (IQ)! If you score 100, then you are a person of average intelligence. If you touch 130 then you are quite smart and if you get 160, then you are in the league of Albert Einstein and Leonardo da Vinci, i.e. super intelligent. Most competitive examinations, and even school exams, test your IQ- memory, problem solving abilities, power of reasoning and analytical skills.
However, a high IQ may not guarantee success in life. Most researchers today are looking at another aspect of human intelligence, i.e. EQ or Emotional Intelligence. Yes, increasingly, more and more private companies, voluntary agencies, universities and colleges are trying to look for persons who have above average EQ, besides a good IQ.
But what is EQ? Basically, a high EQ person is aware of his/her feelings and knows how to manage them. EQ means knowing how to handle even negative feelings like anger, jealousy, hatred and envy. A person with high EQ would also be sensitive to the feelings of others and an ace in understanding non-verbal communication, like body language, tone of voice and facial expressions. While IQ gets a person a fancy job, it’s the person’s EQ which helps him/her to enjoy and keep the job.
Unlike IQ tests, there is no acceptable pattern of testing EQ. However, there are several clues to help a person know if he/she has high EQ.
Here is a list of EQ indicators. If most of your answers are ‘yes’, then you are emotionally quite intelligent.
1. You often express your feelings and don’t suppress them.
2. You don’t blame others when things don’t happen your way.
3. You often ask others “How do you feel about this!” while working with them.
4. You are a good listener.
5. You get up and offer your seat when you see a senior or a disabled person.
6. You don’t shout and scream when you are angry.
7. You don’t avoid people who disturb you.
8. You show concern when someone is hurt.
9. You know when your parents are very angry and when they are just irritated.
10. You look at people’s faces, meet their eyes, while talking to them.
Key to high EQ
EQ is largely about being aware of emotions, learning to use them positively and above all, being considerate to others. In fact, being considerate is the key to developing high EQ. A considerate person is able to have better relationships, use emotions in a positive way, have healthy interactions and be a great friend.
What does being considerate mean? For some, it may mean not hurting others, keeping safe distance from everyone so that there is no trouble. For some it implies being helpful in some way. Being considerate is a matter of heart. It means embracing all people warmly.
A considerate person is not: Arrogant, Cold hearted, Faint hearted, Nasty towards juniors, Never judges people by their appearance.
Fighting for justice
A considerate person, is definitely kind towards others, but does not show off that kindness. Considerate people fight for other people’s problems. “Just being kind-hearted is not being considerate. Not to fight injustice or take action at a crucial moment is nothing but weakness.”
“To be considerate means that the more someone is suffering, the more love you show them. It means recognizing another person’s unhappiness for what it is, trying to understand and share their suffering. Consideration is training us in the art of encouraging others.”
The important thing is not just sympathizing with or pitying others, but really understanding what they’re going through. Although one is born with a certain kind of personality, over a period of time, through sincerity and effort, one can grow to be a considerate person. The secret is to keep trying.
“Outstanding individuals didn’t become great overnight. They disciplined themselves to overcome their weaknesses, conquering apathy and inertia.”
Fearless and appreciative
A considerate person has to be fearless. Simultaneously, a considerate person becomes courageous through his/her actions. However, timid or shy the person may be, the desire to be considerate towards others can help the person grow into a lion.
How a shy person becomes people’s leader: Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi was very shy as a child. He also had several fears- of ghosts and imaginary thieves-and would keep his light on while sleeping at night. But this timid person grew up to be a very courageous and considerate person. One incident transformed him completely. Once he was thrown out of a first class coach of a train in South Africa because of the color of his skin. That night, he thought for a long time. He realized that it would be cowardice if he did not fight this discrimination. He thought of all the people who must be suffering such humiliation every day. Gandhi determined to work for justice from that moment. From a timid person he became a courageous person who would fight for other people. Soon he returned to India and led the country to a peaceful struggle for independence.
Our ability to appreciate the good qualities in others is also a sign of our EQ. A high EQ person will always make another person feel good. When we try to see the good points in everyone, we learn to work with them more harmoniously. We learn to understand their needs and desires and are able to motivate them.
Treasures of the heart
So besides brain power, we need to use our heart power! Nichiren Daishanin, a Buddhist sage in 13th century Japan, would often tell his disciples how to increase their heart power. To one of his disciples, he wrote, “It is rare to be born a human being. The number of those endowed with human life is as small as the amount of earth one can place on a fingernail.”
The Daishanin asked his disciples to be known everywhere as people who have concern for others. He said that while one needs to have good health and money, the most important treasure for human beings is to develop the “treasures of heart”. The Daishanin wrote, “From the time you read this letter on, strive to accumulate the treasures of the heart!”
So let’s start developing the treasures of heart, get a high EQ and become super humans. Total victory, in school, at home, in the neighborhood will be guaranteed!