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Words You Must Refrain From Uttering When You Try To Discipline Your Children
Nobody is perfect in this world. If you think that you are perfect, the very fact that you have not understood that no human being can be perfect proves that you are not perfect. Similarly, there is nothing called perfect parenting. Some people and more particularly, those who do not have children, may say that parenting can be fun. But most of the parents may assert that the tasks involved in parenting and children per se, drive them mad. But as a parent, whatever may be the situation you face, you must refrain from using certain words. Especially, if your aim is to discipline your children, you must guard against using these words. Let us elaborate.
1. "Your activities are similar to those of your mother/father." - Such observations are quite common in every household. When your children misbehave, you may have a tendency to compare their behaviors with those of your partner or an outsider whose behaviors you detest. But comparing like this will not help you in your efforts of disciplining your children.
2. Even when you attempt to do a positive comparison, you may be hurting the unique spirit of your children. For example, you may say, "Why don't you sit quiet? See how your sister is sitting quiet." Remember that such comparisons can also hurt your children because every child is unique and it is wrong to make comparisons between them.
3. Never label your children as "mischievous" or "trouble-makers." If you repeatedly label like this, chances of your prophecy coming true are high. Experts advise that you must not even resort to positive labeling. For example, if you say that your child is a "math wizard," or an "athlete," you are limiting the child's capabilities. You may be harming the self-worth of the child also.
4. “Stop crying. Otherwise, I will provide you with an appropriate reason to cry." Parents commonly use these words as well. Your aim is to discipline the behavior of your children but you have no business to tamper with their emotions. If the kids are sad, they have every right to cry. So, instead of focusing on their emotions, focus on correcting their behaviors. Of course, if the crying reaches the levels of screaming that is of disruptive nature, you can try teaching them healthier skills using which they can cope with their uncomfortable emotions.
5. "How much time will you take for learning?" When experts point out that even many of the adults themselves fail to learn from their own mistakes, how can you expect children to learn quickly? Therefore, you should be patient and not shame them when they mess up. By ridiculing that they are taking more time for learning, you are criticizing them and not teaching them. Instead, you must tell them that they have a few good choices and it will be better for them if they do things differently. If you repeatedly advise them politely, they will learn to learn from their mistakes.
6. Never threaten that you will report their behavior to their father. By doing so, you are providing them with a valid reason to believe that your husband is a villain and he will punish them for their activities. At the same time, you are projecting yourself as a weak person who cannot handle them. You are setting up an unhealthy family ambiance as well.
7. "Thanks for helping. Why don’t you do this every time?” There is an obvious tinge of criticism in these words, though your intention may be to praise your child. Instead, you can genuinely praise the child by saying that you are very happy for her or his help.
8. “Don't make me mad.” By using these words, you are trying to blame your children for your emotions. This means that you are a person who does not take responsibility for your thoughts, actions and behaviors and you are used to blaming external factors for the situations you face in your life.
9. "Don't argue." By uttering these words frequently, you are in fact teaching your children that it is perfectly alright to keep the disagreements in tact. Instead of using these words, you can bring such arguments to an end by ignoring the words your children speak when they are arguing.
10. Never repeat your directions. Similarly, do not tell them that you will not remind them. By nagging, you are sending an indirect message to your children that they need not listen when you give directions. They know that you will certainly be repeating the directions and hence, they can choose when they want to listen.