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Words of Wisdom, I haven't Got Any.

Updated on May 8, 2011

Legal or Illegal, It Still Ruins Lives.

A spiff

Smoking Canabis Causes Paranoia, Fact

Am I Banging On?

"I don't drink and I don't go out very often, what the hell do you expect from me mum"? my son spat at me yesterday. I watched his face turn white as he sat on the sofa. He looked deflated, almost as if I had burst his bubble. Rebecca didn't so much as look in my direction, but continued to peel potatoes for the potato and leek soup she was making.

My grandson had been put upstairs in his cot before I arrived, which was the routine every time Rebecca knew I was visiting. I could hear him crying and felt bewildered looking at both Craig and Rebecca. I almost whispered, not daring to rock the boat, "Shall I go up to Callum, Rebecca? "No" she replied, I glanced sideways at Craig looking for a little reassurance, but none came. I felt very uncomfortable and terribly hurt.

"Craig you can not go on like this", I sat tentatively besides him on the sofa, watching him smoke his cigarette. "Callum need his parents, you are putting his life in danger every day you do this" I just received a blank stare. "Whatever mum", Craig spat back again. I looked for signs of my beautiful son. The son I had brought into this world, loved and cherished, and protected all of his twenty three years on this earth. But he was not there, just a very faint glimmer inside his deep blue eyes, reminded me that I knew this man.

I knew I had to say more, but was filled with dread hoping Craig would not resort to violence. He had never raised a hand to me, he would not dare, I knew that much. But recently he had hit Rebecca a couple of times and shouted at Callum, before storming out of the house.

I recalled the shouting I had heard coming from the house whilst I was parking the car in the driveway. I tried to remember the three men who had come charging out of the house, one knocked my wing mirror off, and all three of them wore hooded sweat shirts. They tumbled quickly into a red car and drove away with the tyres screeching.

I knew what the men wanted, and I had warned Craig not to get involved so many times. I had tried the tough love approach and it had failed; now I was at my wits end. I was living every mother's nightmare, watching her child ruin his life.


Please God Help Me

Craig an Rebecca had their own house now, having lived with me for over a year. I had lost control, if that is the correct word, of what was happening in my son's life. Rebecca was very challenging and now that she had post natal depression, everyone walked on egg shells so as not to provoke her. It was only a couple of months ago that I witnessed her hit her own mother, I wanted to help her, comfort her and slap her all at the same time. I wanted to scream "You are ruining my son's life" and take her by the shoulders and make her understand how afraid I was. I wanted my son to come home and bring his son with him. But of course this was not an option, Rebecca needs me too even if she doesn't realise it.

"Those men wanted money didn't they" I looked directly at Craig, "how much do you owe this time"? No answer, but Rebecca shouted from the kitchen £600.00", I sat in desperation, trying so hard not to let the tears fall. I had already bought groceries, nappies, milk formula, coal and logs so far this week. I had already spent over £85.00 of my meagre £115.00 wages to help them out. My heart screamed, but my voice remained silent. "Why do you keep doing this Craig?" I offered. "Why do you think mum ..... to get money".

I questioned my parenting skill, had I been a bad influence, had I not taught my son the value of life? I could see a small box sitting under the edge of the sofa and pulled it out into sight. The box contained several clear plastic bags with weed in them. Not the garden's weed, more's the pity, but the 'hey man' weed. I thought; Oh My God what do I do now. I silently pushed the box back under the sofa as realisation that my son was dealing hit home, and the men leaving his house had been threatening his life for the money that he still owed them.

I am so short on answers, so unfamiliar with this seedy side of life and more so, scared to my wits end that my son will get killed.

I have one option, to report my son to the police. I just hope and pray that I have the strength to do it for the sake of my grand son and daughter in law. Knowing that I will lose my family, all of them for my actions.


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    • Spirit Whisperer profile image

      Xavier Nathan 

      7 years ago from Isle of Man

      I was told a long time ago that you can't change anyone or anything in this world only your reaction. It took me most of my life to to realise this truth and change my life accordingly. Change your mind and you change your world it doesn't work the other way around. Your story touched me and I hope you accept my words in the light in which they are given and know that I accept that only you know what is best for you. Thank you.

    • Mrs. J. B. profile image

      Mrs. J. B. 

      7 years ago from Southern California

      Netts: Everything will be okay. You have done all you can for the time being. Let your son walk this dark road alone. You will be there no matter what and he knows that. You can only step back for now. Say nothing, do nothing. He has to learn on his own regardless of the costs. HIs wife should be gone too unless she too is involved. If that is the case than your grandson should not be with them. Have you talked to his wife? Her parents? What has happened since you wrote this hub? Concerned for the baby!!! Love LeeLee

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      7 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Welcome Sunnie to my little space of sanity. I have grown so much since joining hub pages and it is because of nice people like yourself for offering their kindness and support. Thank you so much for stopping by. x

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      7 years ago from Northern Ireland

      marcoujar, thank you my friend, it appears that life is not the easy bed of roses that we so want it to be. Trials and tribulations make you stronger, but when it comes to our children, it doesn't matter how big the sacrifice is, we still keep coming back for more torment. xx

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 

      7 years ago

      Dear Bluestar,

      This moved me so..having gone through so much with my 24 year old son..that no longer do I save..and let him fall..the hardest thing that a mother has to do. I am with you in thoughts and prayers. I truly understand. This was a moving hub that many can relate. Please know you are not a bad mother. Do not blame yourself for their choices..another hard thing to do..God Bless you.


    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 

      7 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      bluestar, my dearest friend,

      I am sorry I am only reading this today. I can relate to this more than you know as it has happened to my nephew (who is like a son to me), several years ago.

      While the police did not have to be involved, my brother and darling sister-in-law had to make the painful decision to involuntarily commit him for D & A treatment (his behavior was totally out of control and he was a danger to his precious 1yo and 3yo children after his drug-impaired wife abandoned him and the kids). My brother & SIL still have custody of these precious kids and my nephew is getting back on track but it is a long road.

      Please be safe, keep your grandchild safe at all costs, and know that you have raised your son with the proper values. At some point in our life, we make choices. You can love your son but not his behavior. He needs help and if he doesn't get it, the prison system will find him. That is the sad reality of it all.

      I love you dearly and please e-mail me further if I can help ever and in any way, mar.

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      7 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Hi Eiddwen and Leelee, thank you so much for your support. I am totally devastated with the way that my Son is being so careless with his life. Try as I may I may just as well bang my head on a brick wall, because he will just do his own thing regardless.

      Leelee darling, you have such a big kind heart, but I am a proud woman and would not accept monetary help from anyone. Now if you offered to counsel Craig I would bite your hand off lol But I am so pleased that you cared enough to offer. Much love, xx

    • Mrs. J. B. profile image

      Mrs. J. B. 

      7 years ago from Southern California

      Oh Netts: NO NO NO do not call the police... First I do not know the money amount. I have never been good with pounds.. How much is all of this in American dollars? Next you saw Rebecca hit her Mom? They lived with you a year? The baby was crying and she told you not to pick him up? GASP..... OKAY OKAY e-mail me. I am freaking out...

    • Eiddwen profile image


      7 years ago from Wales

      Oh bluestar,

      I do feel for you. Have I been a bad mother ??How many times have we all asked ourselves that ??

      From your hub here that obviously comes straight from your heart, no you are not.

      You will decide what course of action to take and when you do it will be the right one and you won't question yourself.

      As hard as it is our children do have to learn from harsh realities. We want to wipe their faces, put a plaster over that cut on their knee and cuddle them till the pain has gone.

      However there comes the day when we have to realise that they are responsible for their own actions and are adults.

      My heart goes out to you.

      Take care


    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      7 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Hi Keith, this is one of the most heart breaking times in my life for dealing with my son. He is my life altogether but I fear for my grandson, and wonder if he might be taken into care. God knows I have no words to describe this problem, but I hope that God helps me find the way. Thank you dear friend for your comment.

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      7 years ago from Northern Ireland

      ahorseback, thank you so much sticking your nose in lol your words are full of wisdom and I really appreciate your kindness. I know that to report my son from the police will get him the help he needs first an foremost, but I know what the consequences will be, I will lose all my family if I do this, so I am afraid I am sitting in a barrel and being told to pee in a corner, no one wins here. x

    • attemptedhumour profile image


      7 years ago from Australia

      You cannot blame your parenting skills. Your son is old enough to make his own decisions and will have to accept the consequences. I really feel for you, your grandson and your daughter in law. I can't offer advice, only my best wishes from afar. Good luck to all.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Blue Star , this brings back memories from my childhood watching my family disintegrate . Although I didn't get to into the drug world myself , my family members did, Your son needs to be righted and learn to assume the responsibilities he has brought into his own life. You stand in a precarious position, Your heart tells you to "help him" your head says , do the right thing ! All the while your grandson has no effective parenting. The dicisions you make , one way or the other , will affect all . One thing only stamds out , how will you deal with what you do , would you one day say "I wish I had done something , anything at all" ? My heart , all of our hearts reach out to you . Intervention is needed one way or the other. Good luck , forgive me for sticking my nose into this.

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      7 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Thank you my dear friend, I am so lost for words and what emotions I feel today can not me measured. You are such a nice man Colin. Sincerity is your middle name. x

    • epigramman profile image


      7 years ago

      ...thinking of you today on this Mother's day with love, respect and admiration .... my mum was my best friend.


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