- Family and Parenting»
- Parenting Skills, Styles & Advice»
Working Moms that Now Stay at Home
Mommy Want to Be
Getting Through Day to Day
Stay at Home Moms
Being a stay at home mom is a tough job especially when the mother was once a “Career Woman.” There is an endless list of chores to be done along with meals to fix for the kids. It can be exasperating! The trick to it being a successful “job,” because that’s what it truly is, is taking each day, day by day.
When you wake up, you are bombarded by your little ones yelling for breakfast. This one wants eggs and bacon, one wants cereal, one wants spaghetti. Of course you want to give them all what they want just to make them quiet, but this is not a wise. Take each of their requests and tell them what they WILL be having for breakfast. This is the first step. You have to show them that they cannot run over top of you. Many women have stopped their careers in the middle of their child’s growing behaviors and have no clue what the sitter (or in some cases the father) had them trained to. You ultimately have to “untrain” them and “retrain” them to a new lifestyle.
“Mommy’s home to make my breakfast!” This is what is running through their minds. It’s a new step for them just as it is for you. However, they also think “I can get away with whatever I want to.” I’m sure the person who was keeping them day to day wasn’t feeding them spaghetti for breakfast. However, this is their test against you. If you fall for it by giving them whatever they want for breakfast, they will run all over you for the rest of their lives.
I’m not telling you exactly what meals to fix them or give you a recipe book of meals that are healthy and doctor approved. By all means, this is not my intention. I am telling you to take control of the situation. Fix them breakfast, lunch, and dinner the way YOU feel it should be made. If they have creative ideas, listen to them and try to apply them in the routine. The important thing is to not let them run you over.
The next problematic area is chores. What woman loves to clean for endless hours each day? I know I don’t. It’s hard to keep my house picked up with the two tornadoes that run through my house. I can clean a room, go to the next, and by the time I’m finished with the next room, the first room looks like a disaster! It is aggravating. Toys will be strewn from one end of the house to the other. It was exhausting to pick up all the toys and vacuum whatever mess they made once again, and do it all over again within a couple of hours. So, I designated a play room. If they brought their toys from that room, I made them take them back. It cuts out the time it would take me to pick the toys back up and to straighten the room up. I had time to go to a different room and clean it up without having the worry of the previous one being devastated by toys and children.
Private time doesn’t really exist for us mothers with children. You know how hard it is to just try to meditate for five to ten minutes without a knock at the door, “Mommy, what are you doing?” I arrange time in my life to coincide with naps and bedtimes. If the younger ones are napping, I flip on a tv show for my oldest, and go find a quiet spot in the house to meditate, or go shower/take a bath, something personal that means something to myself. We all ask “Just give me five minutes of peace!” In a kids mind, this doesn’t exist when mommy is home. They want to be your sidekick. So once you have had a few moments of relaxing breaths, go do some activities with them. It helps pass the time along faster!
If the kids help you with chores, or do something nice for you they normally wouldn’t, give them a nice treat of their favorite snack. It helps encourage them to do it more often, however, change up the reward. You don’t want them thinking they can have an ice cream cone whenever they do a chore. Just show them you appreciate the help they have provided.
By the end of the day, the kids have more than likely drained you of all energy. This is normal. You don’t need vitamins or supplements. You’re not low on iron or anything. Having kids and taking care of them is a job, literally. All the chores you do, all the running around you do, it’s tiresome. Most people do not recognize it as a job. “They’re your kids. You’re supposed to do it.” There’s a difference in doing it and wanting to do it. By the end of the day, I hope you are wanting to do it as opposed to it being a necessity. Children can pick up on your emotions and how you feel during the day. It’s not their fault you left your job to take care of them. It was a life choice whether needed or wanted, you have to show them the love they crave.
I’m sure when you climb in bed, your bones will ache and you will feel twenty years older than what you really are. You made it through the day. The kids are in bed and its hubby time. Don’t push your partner away from exhaustion. It will put a strain on the relationship and lead to things being said later on that weren’t meant to be said. No matter how tired you are, smile and tell him you love him. He gave you he beautiful kids you are taking care of, or, he may the step in dad picking up everything the previous one left a wreck. Either way, he is providing for you and your family and needs appreciation just as you do. Just don’t let him over run you and put your foot down like you did with the kids. On his days off, ask him to help with chores. He could take the trash out or do a few dishes in the sink. Do not let him tell you that he is a working man and it’s your job to do it. I’m sure you helped out while you had a career around the house, so he can show the same respect you did to him.
As you close your eyes to drift off to sleep, take a few deep breaths to relax your muscles and mind. It all starts again tomorrow.