- Family and Parenting»
- Parenting Skills, Styles & Advice
You and your child. You and me. Be and create what is!
Different roads for different folks
You are different, do not try to be the same.
About 11 years ago I married a fine lady. She is super fine. She is different than me. I did not marry a hiking or fishing or writing buddy. I married a fine fine woman. That is who she is. Let us talk about the differences.
Me: Fairly ugly though I was handsome into my forties. Cancer got me and I live hard. My 7 broken noses just seem to get more pronounced as I grow into my face. I can still run a trout line and hike 15 miles with a 60 lb pack. When I track I am known to squeeze wildlife excrement between my fingers and smell to determine just what that animal ate and when and where he is headed. I like to sleep on my pad on dirt and go a day or two in the wild without a bath. I can smell and tell you the difference between an Elk fart and a deer fart. I have caught creatures to eat with my bare hands. Some exaggeration here but I want to point out the extreme.
I am also over educated in philosophy, Theology and Law. I resolve disputes for a living and get hardcore into the heads of my victims and friends. I have 3 older children. Over seven college degrees between them and “successful” in politics, art and societal development. We went way overboard on the formal educator, but their mom is a teacher so what can I say?
My lover: She was born during the attack on and fall of Saigon, hidden for a few years of her life. Born and raised with a dirt floor kitchen and a dad in a “re-education” camp. She is a go getter with a degree in English, a flooring construction sales job and a senior tax advisor for H&R block. She refuses to sleep outside ever. She is prim and proper and carries an aloof sense of dignity and grace. I met her when she was a fancy pantsy construction superintendant and I was living in South Vietnam. A marriage of admiration followed but not one of mutual appreciation. I do not mean that in a bad way as I hope you will see.
So our 3+ year old loves to shop with mom and track with dad. Do you have a problem with that?
You see he can shop until he drops or go hiking until he drops. Two different parents and one child. Life is good. My wife always tries to change me into a responsible down to earth dad. No thanks but I love the effort and so I dress nice and keep polite conversation and go to an office and blah blah blah. Heck she caught me today with that damned cell phone, while I was doing double stairs up three flights in my fancy pantsy office. Got to stay primed for the next big outing!
My wife and I love each other and we are best of friends but we are not shopping or hiking buddies. We are somewhat interested and caring about that stuff but way different. I like it. I have hunted killer Grizzlies (never hurt one) but I do not want to sleep with them. I mean that to track them you have to get in their head and they are very cool and I admire them and even love them. But I do not want one in my house. On the other hand I hunted and tracked my wife, and she makes my house a home. I want my son to have that side to him. My place is kind of getting obscure. Folk want to hear about bargains and not how a hawk banks into the wind and then back on it’s prey for shadow and scent obfuscation. Come on,,,, how will that pay rent of buy a coffee?
There comes a time!!!
Perhaps though we can compromise and delight in others.
I do not feel ashamed or worth less for what I teach and live. But I do reckon that it is a fancy and that them and they do not need my stuff in their life. I preach about forgiveness and love and I study creatures in the wild. That will not make my son a living.
I went to get hiking and picnic provisions for us the other morning before a perfect hike. He corrected me in the store and put the items up according to category and called the clerk by name. I was amazed and pleased. Not my kind of stuff but good stuff nevertheless.
We are the ones to make a brighter day!
Can you really love diversity?
She makes him brush and wash like a habit.
I always have fun with him that he brushes his face and washes his teeth. My childhood bath was either non-existent or last of six kids and I just loved it when I was lucky enough to have a hot bath. With his mom he is clean and orderly. To the outside world, although he is spoiled and knows how to manipulate mom. With me he is often dirty, barefoot and is very obedient and respectful. He doodles with mom and builds castles and destroys them with dad. He came into my office with a spatula and serving spoon while mom was home and he drove a nail into the side of the house while dad was home sans mom.
Love is kind
I hope what I got across here was an example of diversity.
You see it is not so much that the boy grows to learn two ways being in life as much as the boy learns to appreciate the differences. If he can learn that then where would bigotry and hate come from? Where would be the fear in dealing with someone different. Why would there be any tendency to discriminate against or only see one side of an issue.
Now I am a traditionalist regarding marriage in many ways. But I really do not believe that my above example does not work for many varied situations. Why would it? We do not need to like something in order to respect it. My wife does not need to want to dig in the dirt in order to appreciate my roses. My child does not have to chose between this and that unless he wants to and can weigh the differences.