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How to manage Preteens | Teens

Updated on April 29, 2011

The burning question

A simple question which can be asked to any parent who have at least one teen age child. But I can bet that the answer is not at all simple. Many parents are used to tackle it in different ways. Most parents have the grievance that the teens of this age are simply intolerable. They are impatient. They have least respect to their seniors. They are careless. They are disruptive. The list can be made a mile long if you go on writing.

But are we parents, have ever tried to understand their viewpoints? Have we ever put our feet in their shoes? Have we the patience to find out the root cause of their untidy behavior?

The answer may be positive or negative. In fact it is a normal tendency of human being to justify their attitude. Very few people can be flexible enough to re-analyze their own attitude and take the corrective action if necessary.

Self judgment

Before going to judge your teen’s behavior, we have to put our attention to the following questions:

Why we want that the child should do this?

Why should we want that the child should not do that?

In most cases you will find that the answers are not well explained.

I want that it should be done like this because I used to do in that manner.

Because I feel that that is the correct way of doing that.

You don’t do it because I don’t like it.

What Goes wrong?

Have you noticed that sense of authority being exposed in the above sentences? Yes Authority, which is the last thing the teens will like to accept. Teens are in such a psychological state when their personality has just begun to develop. They like to perceive them as grownups. And if you really want to teach them something you have to respect their personality also.

The parents have to stop comparing them with their peers or friends in the neighborhood. I have heard a joke which I think is very much relevant hare to be shared with.

A father used to pull his teen aged son’s leg as and when got the chance.

How much have you got in Math? In your age I used to get the highest marks in the school. Why your grade is so poor in English? Your younger sister has far better knowledge in that subject.

One day the boy got fed up and asked his father:

“Dad what is your age now?”

 The father gave a puzzled look to his son and told his age. And then the son replied:

“You should be ashamed of dad, in your age George Washington was the president of America!”

If you ignore the humor part of this story, you will find that there is a hidden lesson for us.

I know that some parents, who have already suffered or still suffering with their teens, are being infuriated. I will like to tell them to please excuse me till I can give some explanation in support of my arguments.

I have no intention to tell that always the parents are wrong. I have no intention to tell that the parents always do impose their will on their teens.

It is obvious that the parents will certainly look forward for the betterment of their children. The will certainly tell them what is right and what is wrong for them. Yes I agree with that. Ultimately they will also have to suffer if their children suffer.

What I mean to say is that, there is time for that. There are proven process for that. Professionals are there who can do that in a better way.

You can say that it is not possible that we will keep a professional guardian to look after our children. No I do not mean that also.

We have to gather some knowledge of psychology so that we can better understand our loving ones.

We can acquire some knowledge of behavior science. Don’t be afraid! It’s not as difficult as it sounds. After all we are not talking of being a professional. There are a dozens of books in the market which talks about that knowledge.


Finally I like to request all the parents to avoid using taunting words. Words and arrows are such things which don’t come back once thrown!

Do not try to emotionally blackmail your teens, that don’t work. Avoid counseling when you are emotionally super charged.

When counseling, try to act as a professional, forget that you are also a party to that.

Do your teens shout?

What Do You Do?

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    • cupid51 profile image

      cupid51 6 years ago from INDIA

      Thanks manju for the appreciation!

    • manjubose5 profile image

      manjubose5 6 years ago

      Admirable!! We seldom do our introspection. While parenting teens, we forget our problems of that age. You have noticed it nicely. We normally try to impose our thoughts and ideas without understanding their problems.