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You're Not Truly A Parent Until...

Updated on July 18, 2013

Uh Ohs

Guys, you wouldn't believe what I did...
Guys, you wouldn't believe what I did...

You're Not Truly a Parent Until....

The baby woke up and after feeding him and changing his diaper, I placed him back in the crib to play while I pumped. He was having fun and playing, and I kept turning around to check on him. He got quiet, which usually means he's making a mess in his diaper. So I looked at him and he was just sitting there playing with the toys I tossed in there. I let him play quietly, and turned around to check in again. This time, he was moving his hand as if he was squishing something in it. I tried to get a better look, but I saw nothing. I continued to watch, and then I saw it: he was squishing something in his hand and it wasn't a toy.

I immediately screamed to my husband, "we have a problem. Wake up!" He sat up, and said "ok, I'll feed him. Give me the bottle." I looked at him and said "No, there's poop. Like, everywhere." He groaned, but got up not really realizing what I was telling him. He scooped up the baby and carried him out on his hip. I saw the poop everywhere, including now on my husband's side where he just placed the baby. I'm not sure if it was because he was half asleep, but he didn't quite realize the situation he was about to face. He runs back into the room, awake now and I couldn't even describe the emotion he was conveying. He looked at me, concerned screaming "there was poop EVERYWHERE! It was in his teeth, in his mouth, on his hands up his back, down his leg. Look, it's like finger paint all over his crib and toys! I'm pretty sure I have some in my hair, I'm covered in his poop." By the end of his exclamation, he was completely dejected.

He looked at me as if I was going to console him, instead I said "Welcome to parenthood. You're not truly a parent until you're covered in your child's feces." It's true, that is a defining moment as a parent. If you can handle that with grace and a sense of humor, you can handle anything that's going to happen as a parent. At the time, my husband was tired and really having a "crappy" morning. Later on, my husband found humor in it. You can stress out every time you change a "messy" diaper and the baby runs off naked on you leaving a trail of gross on his way or you can laugh and just go with it. The true marking of a parent is not stressing the little things. Besides, imagine the stories you can tell your children's boyfriend/girlfriends when they get older to embarrass them.

The List

This is a list of "You're not truly a parenting until....". This list will probably make you laugh, and you'll probably think it's ridiculous if you're not a parent. I assure you, these things do happen and when they do you want to scream. This list will show you the one truth about parenting: if you can't laugh about it afterwards, you're going to go insane. These are all true stories.

  1. The world is my jungle gym. Children seem to think that their world is full of jungle gyms and bouncy houses. By that I mean, if it can be climbed or jumped on, it will be. My oldest son sometimes opts not to walk around the room, but jump from furniture to furniture. This wouldn't be as big of a problem if my son didn't get the "clumsiest person on the planet" gene from me. I'm actually surprised he hasn't broken anything, bones or household items, yet. My baby feels the same way, finding everything is his to climb on and over. Soon, the gates in the house will need to be removed for his safety. You've really reached parenthood when you take down safety equipment to keep your child safe.
  2. What's Silverware? You know those utensils people use while eating? Wait, did I say people? Maybe I meant adults, because I never see my 10-year-old use anything but his hands to eat anything. Cereal, Ramen, spaghetti: all only with his hands. I don't see why "baby" experts always say "teach your children to use silverware". Guess what? They never use it. Ever. And when you can't eat it with your hands? Face first or lifting the bowl to drink it. Maybe this is why Go-Gurts and Freeze pops exist.
  3. Diapers. Everything inside the diaper is a toy to the baby, let's be honest. They pull apart the absorbent gel that holds in the urine, the poop is really just play-dough to them. Even their own body is hilarious to them. What's most hilarious? Learning to take off your diaper and running. Even more hilarious than that? Mommy chasing after you screaming, afraid to pick you up because she doesn't know if you're about to use her as a diaper.
  4. The Artist. The world isn't just a playground for our kids; the world is also the easel for them. Crayons and paint are fun on paper. Crayons and pain are even more fun on the walls, carpets, counters, and doors. I remember coming home once when my now 10-year-old was 3, and all over the house it was decorated with drawings that my child made to show me that he loved me. They were a heartwarming surprise... when I got over the anger of how it was all over the house and not some drawings that were put on the fridge. There were also some nice drawings on the fridge. I mean... actually on the fridge. FYI, fridges can be difficult to get crayon off of.
  5. The smiles. After all that, the defining moment of the day is when your children smile at you. You know that smile means they're happy and love you and after everything else, this is the most important goal and reward as a parent. Every laugh and every smile means "you're awesome Mom". Remember that, when you're cleaning poop out of the bathtub, vomit off the floor and crayons on the wall.

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