A couple/few weeks ago, I wrote a whole, big, Hub on what grown kids need to understand about their parents' thinking. As the parent of grown kids, I discovered that they sometimes just don't know where parents' thinking is coming from. Because they haven't lived as long, because they don't know what it's like to have grown kids and still love them as much as ever (but also be worried that something could happen to them; and even if the parents are careful to recognize that their son or daughter is grown and generally has a healthy attitude toward them), and they haven't seen as many thinking-changing things in life as parents have; grown kids can sometimes tend to fill in the blanks as far as why they think their parent thinks/does something goes.
So, my answer here is that I think instead of automatically assuming something like "he's trying to control me" or "all she cares about is her clean house and nothing else", grown kids should hold off on guessing about motivations of parents (and a good part of the time they don't think they're guessing, but think they have a solid take on the matter); and then encourage parents to share where, exactly,it is they are coming from.
Some of the harshest judges and critics in the world are newly grown kids who are smart, capable, and decent people who have worked hard to learn (what they think is) everything there is to know about being a person, being emotionally/mentally healthy, and life in general.
My approach with my own kids was to talk about why it was I thought one way. I'd often say to them, "I can't change how I think, but at least if you have an understanding of why I think as I do you won't misinterpret my motives." So, I'd volunteer my explanations to my kids, but that's because I had a good enough relationship with them that they'd politely listen (before they went out and did their own thing - but maybe understood me a little better. Some of the biggest non-listeners in the world are sometimes teens and grown kids. So, I'd say, "Don't judge. Encourage parents to explain the 'way-underneath' motivations/perspective, and patiently listen." They may not be able to agree with you, but at least if people understand one another better there's fewer hard feelings, resentments, and opportunities for relationships to grow more distant.