Hi there, I know it's been a few weeks and I hope that you are hanging in there and doing okay. This is a tough problem but you may be surprised to know that it's a pretty common one. It sounds to me that you're suffering from depression to some degree. I am not a doctor and can't say that for sure. I am not very familiar with the chemical and mechanical aspects of how our brains operate. But my own son went through this (and a friend's son did as well). My son's depression started almost 3 years ago. I interacted with him through the progression and ultimately, improvement of his own self-talk, and where it took him, with a front row seat.
Those early weeks and months were some of the most painful times of my life. I'm just glad that my son started texting with me when he felt so down. Do you have relationships with your parents, brothers or sisters, an aunt, or a family friend who is like an uncle to you? I strongly encourage you to reach out to any number of them and just share how you're feeling. You will probably be surprised at what you get back from the people who love you. Just being in the present and interacting with someone who cares about you, is likely to lift your mood. They also may have some great ideas on ways to combat depression that can at times be overwhelming.
Also it could be very very beneficial for you to find a counselor, psychiatrist or psychologist. Psychiatrists can prescribe anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications, while psychologists and counselors cannot. I don't know if you have private insurance that will offset some of the cost of this, or if you would need to look up your local city or county Community Health Services, but free help can be found there. Most cities and counties have a crisis-line phone number listed so if it's really down to that, then just call the number. The people who are dedicated to answering those crisis lines tend to have the kind of warm heart that you need to interact with right now. They'll reach right through the phone lines and help lift you up a little. And they can avert a serious crisis, if it gets alllll the way down to that.
Try to remember, you're nowhere NEAR alone in these feelings; any close friend or family would probably be really really glad to hear from you if you're feeling down; you CAN get counseling no matter what your financial and/or health-insurance situation is; and if things get really bleak for you, find and call a crisis line. People do care. :)