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How To Get Control of your Out of Control Child

Updated on May 15, 2014

The 3 P's of Parenting...Positive, Patient, Persistence.

Were you blessed with a challenging child?

Do you ask yourself everyday...what can I do to help my child be happy?

Do you ask yourself everyday... why can't I be happy?

Do you spend far too much time in a stand off with your child for control?

Do you end most of your days with your head in your hands wishing you had some answers?

I feel your pain! And I am here to help. My son was throwing such angry fits on a daily basis anytime he heard the word "no" that I had to learn safe ways to restrain him so he wouldn't hurt himself, me, or furniture and objects. I decided it was time to be proactive rather than reactive. Instead of focusing my energy on how to subdue him, I decided to put my focus on how to help him feel he was in control of his own emotions.It takes three things:

Be Positive

Be Patient

Be Persistent

It is that simple!

Be Positive

Put on a happy face.

The most important thing is to stay positive. You got this! You are in charge. I noticed that when I used punishment more often than reward it always resulted in a downward spiral. The more upset I became, the more negative behavior my son displayed.

I knew I needed a new tactic.

1. Ignore the undesirable behavior(I know it sounds impossible).

2. Overly praise the desirable behavior.

For example: I would ask my son to clean up his legos and he would just keep playing. But instead of getting angry I would just ignore that behavior. I know, you ask yourself... But I am just letting him get away with disobeying right? Well don't forget who's smarter. Dangle A 'carrot' and wait for your child to decide to clean up his/her toys by their own accord. Then, when they do, praise them overtly.

Be Pateience

Just breathe

They will push your buttons and they will test the boundaries. Take a deep breath and wait. Once your child realizes that they are not going to change your mind, they will decide to make the choice that makes them feel good. Children are looking for a payoff. Usually that payoff is attention. They don't care if it is negative or positive attention as long as they get some. Only give attention to the positive behavior and that is what you will start to see. It will take time for your child to make that shift so be patient. Keep reading for my Recipe For Success on ways to reward your child's positive behavior without spoiling them or breaking your bank.

My son and I
My son and I

Be Persistent

Follow Through is Key

If you say you are going to do something, be sure you follow through. Simple as that. Children need to know they can trust the adults in their lives to do what they say they will do. Even when it's a consequence, they need you to stick to your word.

Keep the praise coming. Remember, you are creating a whole new child; one who responds to praise rather than criticism. The joy that comes from seeing your child feel good about themselves is worth the effort. Never give up. You will see improvement.

Consequence or Reward - What is your parenting style

Which one do you find yourself doing most

See results
This is my sons bean jar
This is my sons bean jar

Ingredients

  • Mason Jar(not free Mason)
  • Beans(cool beans)

Instructions

  1. All you need to implement a very effective and very inexpensive reward system is a small mason jar(large would take too long to fill) and some beans. Draw a halfway line, indicating a halfway prize, for the child who needs that extra intensive (mine did). Every time your child demonstrates the behavior you desire, you reward them by saying..."I love the way you [insert good behavior here]...Give yourself 3 beans in the jar!" You can choose whatever amount of beans you feel is most effective to motivate your child. Be sure to let THEM put the beans in the jar. They feel a sense of pride when they give themselves the reward.
  2. When the jar hits the halfway line give your child a small prize. I took my son to the dollar store and he picked out his own prize which was a large bag of cheese puffs. When the jar fills up that is the big prize. My son wants to have a fun family outing. There is no wrong answer here, just be sure to follow through on the reward,
Cast your vote for Recipe For Success
Just being silly
Just being silly

I Know...You are asking yourself, Who is this crazy redhead anyway?

All about me

As I said in my Bio, I am so many things. I thought for a long time that I had to pick one thing and stick to it; that I had to be defined by one single aspect. But I had such a hard time defining what that aspect was that it has taken me 41 years to realize that I can be all those parts of me at once. One day I am a dancer, the next I am a singer. At times I feel words flow through me and I become a poet. Other times I am so silly that the comic in me just spills out. Choices Have made me a mother and only my children can judge if I was a good one or not. Life experience has made me a mentor and teacher but I am forever a student. Check out my lens on How Conjuring Crystal was conjured up

Tell me your parenting stories and tips

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    • profile image

      JMoonstar 

      4 years ago

      I really like the idea of a halfway line, for a smaller prize. I think it helps them to focus.

    • ConjuringCrystal profile imageAUTHOR

      ConjuringCrystal 

      4 years ago

      The great thing about this one is it only takes a little effort.. you tell the child to reward themselves. I never have to stop what I am doing to say "give yourself 3 beans for saying thank you" and he LOVES it.

    • SusanDeppner profile image

      Susan Deppner 

      4 years ago from Arkansas USA

      Sometimes it's hard to interrupt what you're otherwise doing to follow through on a behavior problem plan, but it's worth it. Great advice!

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