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Updated on May 3, 2015

Parenting through our own struggles


The absolute notion that anyone has had the perfect upbringing is ridiculous to me. As parents we lose all our ability to protect our children once they leave our sight, whether that be in daycare or grade school. Our children’s lives are about for the most part: reaction, damage control, and trying to reassure our children that they are safe in a world we have no control over. The most heart breaking and devastating thing to the unwilling little one that did not ask to be born is that they are not even safe in their own homes. They were unlucky before they even stepped outside of their home because they were born to a parent who did not know how to survive the cracking of their own shells, rather, to bring children into the same world that they are struggling with.

Here is the rational of it all, we are all a little cracked and when we are raising our children we are doing it through the cracks. No one is perfect and no one is expecting perfect parenting but our children are expecting the best out of their parents. Being half cracked doesn’t mean that we can’t make sense or see sense when it comes to doing what is best for our children. But first we need to stop pretending that as parents we have had perfect lives.

Some of us walk around smiling and shaking hands with people, pretending our lives are perfect and then we go home at night and cry ourselves to sleep. We get wrapped up in our quiet silent selves, pretending that we had no bad childhood experiences and that we are perfect adults. Then with that pretense, we begin to parent our own children pretending to be oblivious to what they are about to face.

Face the facts; we are parenting through the cracks. Our egg shells have been chipped from childhood. We are filled with inequity. This is a world that has given us bumps and bruises so we are aware of the struggles. Maybe we want children because we figure that is how it is supposed to be. You know, get married and have a family. Even more so, we may just want to see what a little us looks like, or maybe we just want someone to carry on our name and legacy. We do all this without thinking about the consequences for our children. Here is the most foolish of thoughts that we may have as parents having kids, and that is that we believe that we will be better parents than our own parents. Seriously, right? Because the probability is that we will be better parents that is the part of growing, learning, and changing. We should be better parents but let’s not forget that there is the rest of the world and we have no control over that. Let’s all face the fact that we are all parenting through the cracks and maybe if we as parents face the cracks in our own lives and get a handle on them, we can better prepare our children for some of what they are going to face and give them the strength to face the unknown.


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