- Family and Parenting
Happy Belated Mother's Day
to all forgotten mothers. The traditional intact family takes one day each year to honor their mothers. But not all mothers who should be honored are. This highly commercialized day targets your typical family. Who will send a card to the mother of an only child who has lost that child through an accident, illness or untimely death?
Who will send a warm greeting to the mother of a fallen soldier; especially sad , heart-breaking if this was her only child? Who will honor the mother of the drug addicted youth? She sacrificed as much as her neighbor to feed, clothe and educate this child. How does the day make her feel? Does the silence keep her in bed all day , unable to face the day?
What about the mother of an incarcerated child? Does she love that child less? No matter what plans she laid down that child had his/her own agenda, never really listening to her guidance. Determined to do what 'they' wanted at all times, hell-bent in destroying their lives. Did this mother deserve what life handed her? Does she see this day as just another reminder of not meeting her goals? Is she able to grow past the hurt, this child has caused her and her family?
What about the mothers of missing and exploited children, how does this day bring them joy? Perhaps, a parent or relative is keeping this child from them; perhaps that child was so young that they've forgotten her face. Is she not still the mother to this child? I hope she keeps herself busy or has other relatives to bestow some kindness on her this day.
Finally, the mothers of all adopted children and children in foster care; these children have been blessed with two mothers. Do they honor one or both if they know their biological mom? If they were abused by the biological mother do they still honor their adoptive or foster mom ?Upon meeting the biological, do they feel the adoptive mom's job is done? "She's not their blood." Does the worth of one mom change upon meeting the other mother? Obviously, each child/young adult will have a different perspective to all of these questions. But there are deserving mothers out there who never get any recognition on their day.
If there is another group of mothers I have forgotten , please consider you as part of this remembrance. I don't have the answers but I often contemplate these questions and hope that we are all sensitive to others who may not be having such a wonderful day because they were forgotten.
" Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you." Kahlil Gibran
" Mothers never change , I guess,
In their tender thoughtfulness.
All her gentle long life through
She is bent on nursing you;
An' although you may be grown,
She still claims you for her own,
An' to her you'll always be
Just a youngster at her knee. " Edgar A. Guest
"The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and , in a sense tragic . It requires that most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother and become fully independent." Erich Fromm