Hey they're All Grown, but how did they turn out?

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   mspositive6posted 13 years ago

   Children are our greatest investment, but did every parent receive this memo?
   Children did not ask to be here, they didn’t play a part in choosing their parents.
   A little boy once said that folks should acquire a license in order to become a parent.
   The good parents would vote for this amendment, but the ones who’re not qualified to be parents would most likely throw it out.
   I’d like to hear your views on parenting and I’d like you to hear mine.
   Proverbs 22 v 6: Train up the child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

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      DON BALDERASposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I believe that parents are a great investment, too, as children are. These parents like me have been children who get the best benefit from their parents. I firmly believe that how parents rear their children is somehow telling us how these children would also become parents later. Yes, they must also be possessing the stamp or brand of parenthood that their parents showed them and experienced by them.

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   TLMinutposted 13 years ago

   The really hard part is finding out how you've REALLY trained your child. So many see their child displaying behaviors and attitudes that the parents never intended. But the kids behave as they were trained in an exaggerated form so often, so exaggerated that the parents don't recognize where it came from until they take a painfully close look at themselves.
   
   And then of course, some things are the child's own self showing which is not always like that of the parents. The kids have lives with other influences and experiences that the parents are unaware of.

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      mspositive6posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I concur, but i believe for the most part if parents lay a solid foundation based on bibical principles, even if the child departs from that teaching, it might take years but they return to the teaching of their upbringing.
      I had every reason to lose faith but I never stopped praying and loving my children and it has paid off.

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   rebekahELLEposted 13 years ago

   The verse you have quoted often is used as an excuse for parents to raise their children according to their beliefs, that is not what it means. Nor is it true. How many strict religious parents raise their children to follow a specific set of beliefs, and the child does depart from it? Training a child doesn't mean to tell them what they should think snd believe. Every child is unique and has their own individual footprint, help them to use their mind to learn how to think and discover and use their own abilities and talents. And they will learn the way they should go according to their own inner compass. We should be training our children how to listen from within.

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      mspositive6posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I was not only looking at this verse solely from a religious perspective, but I believe parents ought to be accountable and establish strong values (love, respect, self-control etc), in their children at an early age. A child needs guidance and cannot be left to raise themselves. However, I agree with your latter comments, that parents should zone in on the talents of their children and teach them to listen to their hearts,

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      TLMinutposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I think it IS true. I also don't see it as a directive but as a warning - or at least a "this is how it works." But I do think it works a little differently than most take it. Like in your example of strict religious parents who teach their kids that only one thing is acceptable. The kids might not go along with what they were taught specifically but they will go along with the principle that only one way is acceptable.
      
      That's not clear yet, is it? The kids may believe the parents' specific directives are wrong but live by the principle that whichever ones they DO believe are the only acceptable way to live for themselves and everyone else. Or if taught that lying is wrong except in the cases of 'little white lies' or lies to avoid difficult situations, the child may live by the principle that morality in general can be set aside when it makes things easier. They got the parents' message, just not what the parent thought they were teaching.

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   kmackey32posted 13 years ago

   My first one, not so well....

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      mspositive6posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Want to comment more?

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         kmackey32posted 13 years agoin reply to this

         no not really...

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   earnestshubposted 13 years ago

   My kids have done great, no religion though.

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      mspositive6posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You've put a smile on my face, I have much respect for any man who has raised and influenced his children right. Not pushing religion, but maybe because my children and I experienced a very abusive past and I turned to God and he showed up for us, it's kind of hard not to mention that.

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   CBM1987posted 13 years ago

   I'm the mirror image of my parents mistakes. I remember the fights the screaming the pain that was inflicted.
   I grew up, a bit cold a bit distant I grew up learning how to deal with the pain.
   Truth is... even if I began to explain, most of you wouldnt believe the hell I've seen and what its like to be forced to grow up instead of living out your childhood.
   
   Am I the product of my father and mother... no, not in the sense that most would say. My personality, how I view the world, how much grief I can now tolerate, in that way yes.
   
   However my daughter will never experience the things I had to. None of my children will ever be treated the way, my parents treated me.
   
   I will say this, when my daughter was born... I cried... not because she was born or that she was mine. But, because I couldn't understand how a childs parents could ever hate them.
   
   The love I have for my kid is more than anything and it seems impossible yet heartbreaking... that my parents did not.
   Of course this is my own opinion and one out of many

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      Lisa HWposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      CBM, it's very sobering not to just to read a post like yours, but to know how many, many, more people there are in the world with some version of a similar story. 
      
      Some parents who don't seem to love their children (or love them enough, anyway) were, themselves, damaged to the point of not being able to really love.  Others, I think, may love their kids in their own way and/or just may not be great at knowing how to show it.
      
      I guess you can find some consolation in knowing you are a parent who is capable of loving AND capable of showing it.   
      
      As for my own three kids (one just over 30, one to turn 30 soon, and one in her mid-twenties), they remain as much a joy to me today as they were the day they were born (or in one case, the day I first met him when he was an infant).  That's not saying the worries haven't grown/matured along with them, but then too so has the love.   

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         CBM1987posted 13 years agoin reply to this

         glad to hear it Lisa I'm looking forward to all the years I get to spend watching my kid grow up. She already makes me laugh a whole lot ! She truly is that light in my world however the weird fear i've had being shes only 2.
         
         Is i'm afraid to have another kid. Afraid I wont love them enough or my daughter wont get the attention she deserves from me. Partly I think thats from my child hood though

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            Lisa HWposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            My sister (who is now a grandmother) has said how her daughter's husband had said how, when they had one child, he could ever feel the same about future children.  He told her how he wasn't sure he believed her when she'd say, "You absolutely love the next ones in exactly the same way that you love the first."  Once he had a couple of other children he later admitted to her that he had never quite been sure if he could believe what she said - but how he had, himself, learned that what she'd said had been very, very, accurate.
            
            I think every parent (well, SOME parents) worry about not being able to give subsequent children the same kind of high-quality attention.  My own thinking is that if children are spaced at least around three years apart, it's pretty easy to make that time with each child by himself (as well as enjoying "together" time with both/all of them).  By the time a three-year-old starts to feel very impacted by a new sibling (when the baby starts being up and around more than young infants are), it's pretty much time for the almost-four-year-old to go to preschool anyway.  At four they like to expand their world at little more.  I think as long as children aren't so close together that mothers don't have the luxury of making sure each child has that individual attention, mothers (or fathers) can make it a point to make sure each child does get the one-on-one attention.  I guess if there's not at least 3 years between them a parent may need to juggle people and attention-time a little more.    (Special attention from Grandma for one/special attention from Mommy for another one; sleep time for one/special time with Mommy for another one - that type of thing.    Even well spaced kids require that type of attention-juggling, especially once there's more than two of them.    )
            
            I pretty much think most parents wonder how on Earth it would ever be possible to love another child as much as they love the one they have - and I think most discover they love the next one(s) every bit the same as the earlier ones. 

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               CBM1987posted 13 years agoin reply to this

               thanks for the reply Lisa it really helps

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                  MelissaBarrettposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  True that
                  I have four: 3 on earth and one with wings.  Trust me, you will love each one just as much as the first.  The only one that I feel even slightly differently about is the one that we lost at three.  Him I loved in a slightly different way, because we knew we could lose him at any time.

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   mspositive6posted 13 years ago

   We're on the same page, thanks for your feedback.

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   mspositive6posted 13 years ago

   Positive outlook, you will see your little one again!

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   leahleflerposted 13 years ago

   I have two children, and they are only 20 months apart. I was worried about juggling things when they were both babies, but it did work out. I currently stay at home with the kids (used to work in biotech), and I took a mommy-and-me class with my older one while Nolan (my little one) went into the nursery. The first year was the most difficult, though it is hard to say how much of that difficulty was due to the boys' close ages, or my younger son's medical conditions and therapy needs.
   
   I once saw a Family Circus cartoon (cheesy, I know) that said, "Love is only multiplied, not divided." With my two boys, I feel like I have twice as much love!

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