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When your Adult Kids Move Back Home
Two years ago, I faced an empty nest. Just as I was beginning to get the hang of it, everyone moved back home. My home went from one adult with two grown cats to one adult, two adult children, two grown cats and two wild and crazy kittens! We had to come up with new rules and apply them quickly!
I needed to remember that my son was an adult and had, essentially been on his own for the past four years. It was more difficult defining the relationship with my daughter who had only been gone for a year and was still a teenager.
New House Rules
Well, since there weren't really any before, it's kind of hard to establish new ones. In our family, the old rules were to respect each other, be mindful of time, space and other things that affect the group. Feed, clean, play with the pets! Take responsibility for your actions. Call if you are not coming home for dinner or running late. We worry about you! That's about it. Now they are adults and at first thought, they didn't need any rules. Wrong.The rules in our house are good rules in general. They can apply to the workplace, with friends, etc. But, I've added a few thoughts and reminders: I do not need to make a chart or write a request to have household chores get done. (Yes, one of them told me I should have written what I wanted done!)
- If the garbage is full, empty it.
- If there are dishes in the sink, wash them.
- If the litter boxes are full, change them.
- Everyone does laundry or at least, sorts their own.
The main rule is this...if you want me to treat you like an adult, act like one. Pretty fair! It's been going pretty well even if we do tend to slip back into our former roles now and then.
“All I know is that I carried you for nine months. I fed you, I clothed you, I paid for your college education. Friending me on Facebook seems like a small thing to ask in return.”~Jodi Picoult (Sing You Home)
They argue at ages 19 and 22 as if they are still 10 and 13. I still fall into the "mommy" role. I also slip into a good martyr role: "How many jewish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb? Don't worry, I'll do it myself"
"Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans"~John Lennon
What I have learned
You really don't always know what is coming tomorrow and the some of the best laid plans do go awry. That is not to say that you shouldn't make plans or have goals, objectives and directions in your life. It is to say that even with those things in place, we can't always control the other things that happen around us. We don't know when we may just happen to step off the curb and into a new reality.
"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe things happen for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it." ~Author Unknown