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Having Children is Never a Debatable Issue for Other People

Updated on January 26, 2015
A husband and wife make up a family. Adding children to this equation should not be up for debate
A husband and wife make up a family. Adding children to this equation should not be up for debate

To Have or Not Have Children is Not a Debateable Decision

I Wanted to be a Mother and Have a Career

Having children and a husband is hard to balance. Add a full-time career to this equation and it makes the life of a mother challenging indeed.

From the time when I was a child, I always dreamed of being a mom. My husband and I were eager to have a family. We now have three lovely children who are well into their adult years. We have two grandchildren as well. It was my personal belief that our children would be our legacy and the center of our marriage, making a good marriage even better for us. For us, this was the right decision, but for someone else it may not be an ideal decision.

Two Long-Time Friends Who Did Not Want Children

I have two wonderful long-time female friends who mentioned to me years ago, they did not plan to have children, and they never did.

In the 1970s, few women made the choice not to marry and not have children. At that time, it was an opinion of mine that a woman who made this decision just disliked kids and I could not understand their reasoning. My friend told me she wanted to be a professional and would have no time for kids or a husband in her life. I really believe that she just did not know how balance her time.

My other friend wanted to get married and she did many years later. However, she could not have children and did not want to adopt if she could not have her own. Both friends told me that they would enjoy the children of other family members and friends on their terms.

Children After the Bills Are Paid

All I can do is have a good laugh about this type of reasoning, because for most couples this day will never come. Waiting until all the bills are paid is in essence saying we really do not want to have children, and this is an ok decision, but do not use this excuse.

Some people have said to me that they would never have children until they payoff their bills and are financially stable. My husband and I never have been debt free or really financially stable in our life. It is of my opinion that if couples feel they must wait until they are financially stable they will never have children.

Crap happens all the time, this is just the way life is for most couples. Life is like a big roller-coaster ride whether couples have children or they do not. You are either sitting on top of a mountain or you are residing in a deep valley.

Neither situation stays for long before things begin to change once again. Granted hard times are better when you do not have to worry about the children, however the blessings that a child gives helps moms and dads through these valleys.

Especially in these days and times when so many people have lost jobs and cannot find work and corporations are downsizing, it is rare indeed if people ever become financially stable with all debts paid off. This is because things happen and debts keep coming for one reason or another. Some decide never to have children because it is too expensive.

Couples Who Are Happy With Each Other

Some married couples have such a wonderful relationship where each is so enthralled with the other that there is no room for children in their life. Frequently, I think that these couples are afraid that when children enter their life they will lose something in the relationship. I have heard people relating these feelings.

Careers and Travel Come Before Children

Some people have a focus on a career and travel. Some of the women who opt not to have children want to see the world, the United States and International countries. New cultures and societies are of immense interest to them and they say they would not be able to reach this goal to its fullest if they have children.

I often think of couples who have been together for several years, where both work full-time and spend their vacant time traveling must feel that children will change their lifestyle, behaviors and attitudes to such a degree that they will no longer be happy in the marriage. They realize they would no longer be able to get up and go do whatever their hearts desire, because of the kids, these women will not be able to meet personal goals.

Children Can Mess Up a Body's Figure and a Picture Perfect Home

Some women have expressed to me they will never have kids because they would never want to lose their shape or figure. They could not go to the gym, exercise and run about anytime they want.

One woman told me that she saw pictures of her mother before she had children and she was beautiful. She told me that after her mother had her and her brothers, she aged quickly and put on a lot of weight. A woman I spoke with lived in a picture perfect home and did a lot of entertaining and she shuddered at the thought of children messing up her home.

This woman said she would never become the picture of her mother. In my opinion, this woman should never have children unless she changes her attitude and becomes a more loving human being. Her attitude was the worse, I heard. This woman sounded truly selfish.

This woman never gave her mother one ounce of credit for all her mother did for her in her life. All this woman could see was her mother's outward appearance. Most mothers sacrifice time, money and personal enjoyments in their life for the sake of the children.

No Debate and Not Up for Discussion

As I have gotten older, I personally do not care anymore if a woman decides to have children or not. No one has the right to debate some other woman's decision not to have children. Their decision not to have children is a decision-requiring acceptance by all their family and friends and should not be open for discussion. No one should pressure a couple into into having children when they decide not to have a family.

My focus in this article is not about abortion, but is about the decision of women to who decide to have children versus the decision they make not to have children, before the child is conceived. This is a personal decision between the husband and wife and is of no concern to anyone else. The decision to not have children needs to be respected by all of their family and friends and is not up for debate.

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    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 3 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      I have heard similar things from others. One woman said that she did not want to bring children into such a cruel world. It is interesting, though, that later in her life, she did decide to have children, as her attitude had changed. Personally, my husband and I wanted a large family. We knew that it would take a lot of resources. One day we sat down and calculated what it would take to have a child every year and a half. When we finished, we looked at each other in shock at what it would cost. We wadded up the paper and threw it away! We had seven children. We worked hard and we worked together to raise them, although we never got out of debt until after they were all in school and I started working full time as well! Our family has been our life. We love them all, our children and our grandchildren. They have been a great source of happiness to us.