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How to Make Your Teenager Hate You

Updated on June 21, 2016

Are You Doing Everything Possible to Make Your Kids Miserable?

This article lays out some of the best ways to make your teenager hate you, from giving them rules and limits to showing them how much you love them. It's the little things, really, that drive your teen nuts, and it's those same little things that help them remember how much you think about them. So go ahead -- make your teenager crazy. We all know you're only doing it to bug them. Right?

Practice Your Unreasonable Demands

First, you will need to work on your nagging. This does not come naturally to some of us, but with practice you can learn to drive your teenage son or daughter insane with just a few carefully placed comments. It's actually pretty easy. Practice these time-tested phrases: "Well, you aren't going anywhere until this this room is tidy," "Oh my god, are you STILL on that computer?" and, of course, "How exactly do you plan on getting home?" Repeat as necessary.

Parenting Teens With Love and Logic

Love and logic make a powerful combination, and you need some power when you're dealing with teens. Any parent with older kids knows that sometimes you need a little help, and this book is a good place to start.

Get Into Their Music

Another good tactic for alienating your teen is to attempt to like the same music they do. The next time you find yourself in the car alone, dial in a local new music station and try to memorize a few band names and choruses. Then the next time you are in the car with your teen and the same song comes on, you can say, "Oh, this is the new one by Kid Cudi and MGMT! I love this song!" Then sing along. It doesn't matter if you get every word right -- in fact, a few well-placed wrong words REALLY makes the kids crazy.

Be a Backseat Facebooker

Here is another guaranteed teen terrorizer: the next time they are on Facebook or AIM or texting or using any other mode of electronic socializing, just kind of sidle up behind them. You don't need to actually see anything they are writing or what they are looking at: just your presence over their shoulder will provoke the most extraordinary spasm of accusations and hatred. At the very least you'll get a frantic POS (Parent Over Shoulder). Well done!

Awww...
Awww...

How Romantic!

Express an interest, no matter how casual or passing, in their romantic life. Don't bother being specific. Just raise an eyebrow as if to say, "ooh la la," and imply that the person who has just texted them 53 times in the past ten minutes is in some way more than just a friend. This works every time. Worse yet, try to get to know the boy or girl they care about. Why would you care about the people they hang out with? Obviously your only purpose is to make your teenager hate you even more.

Say Anything

That's right -- ANYTHING. Especially while in the presence of their friends. If you are new at this, try something basic, such as, "the sky is blue." Then duck, because the eye-daggers they are hurling at you could prove fatal. As you get better at this tactic, you may want to get a little more creative. Try a comment concerning their clothes (especially winter coats and shoes), the state of their hair, or concern about the amount of sleep they are getting. Remember -- your only purpose in expressing interest in their lives is to drive them crazy -- right?

Image: David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

If All Else Fails...

If all else fails, go for broke -- use Affectionate Physical Contact (APC). This is also known as a "hug." Sneak up on them when they are entranced by a HotPocket rotating in the microwave, or a trailer for a vampire movie, and put your loving arms around them. Feel them squirm in agony! They will try to get away, but don't let them: you only have a few chances for this kind of thing. Make the most of it while you can.

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    • Ann Hinds profile image

      Ann Hinds 5 years ago from So Cal

      This is cute and well done. We are getting to the teen stage and are not looking forward to it. I like the "say anything" which I am extremely good at and already annoys him at 11 years old.

    • greenmind profile image
      Author

      greenmind 5 years ago

      @Ann Hinds: Thanks, Wordstock. It just gets more intense as you go along.

    • Inkhand profile image

      Inkhand 5 years ago

      A very funny lens!

    • AshwinSajith LM profile image

      AshwinSajith LM 5 years ago

      enjoyed reading your lens.. Was reminded a lot of my teens

    • thesuccess2 profile image

      thesuccess2 5 years ago

      I think you nailed it

    • zdaddyo profile image

      zdaddyo 5 years ago

      You forgot about asking about homework. What really gets them going is after they say they have done it, ask to see it. Another one is when they ask to use something of yours, say no and when they ask why, tell them they might break it. How about asking them to watch their baby sister or brother while they are busy, you know texting and other important stuff.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      good advice here, thank you indeed.

    • Countryluthier profile image

      E L Seaton 5 years ago from Virginia

      You certainly know your teens there counselor. Great lens.

    • writerkath profile image

      writerkath 5 years ago

      Thanks for the primer! You might add a few tips about helping them shop for clothes...ha ha!

      *Blessed!* Kath

    • profile image

      Gigi2012 5 years ago

      Haha, great article. Loved the part about 'say anything' so true!!

    • fitnessdad70 profile image

      fitnessdad70 5 years ago

      It seems you don't have to do much just ask them for help and they throw a temper tamper

    • JanezKranjski profile image

      JanezKranjski 5 years ago

      I love to teas my stepson like that, only the hug method doesn't work for him, unless his girlfriend is somewhere close.

    • kimark421 profile image

      kimark421 5 years ago

      Haha! This was great. I do many of these, and they do work! Both my teenagers hate me!

    • sidther lm profile image

      sidther lm 5 years ago

      This was too funny! My son is only 7 but it's coming soon! I am holding on to some of the very best baby pictures for his first girlfriend too!

    • sidther lm profile image

      sidther lm 5 years ago

      This was too funny! My son is only 7 but it's coming soon! I am holding on to some of the very best baby pictures for his first girlfriend too!

    • YsisHb profile image

      YsisHb 5 years ago

      hanks for the great tips! I can see that I am on the right path.

      Thank you also for commenting on my lens on Greek coffee. The reason I seem to be an authority in all things Greek is that I am Greek, I feel Greek and I love all things Greek. (except for certain persons.....)

    • profile image

      ikoniatis 5 years ago

      Reading a lens about teenager behavior and repeat what you have just learned is actually another way to make them furious!

      Thanks for the advice!

    • DeannaDiaz profile image

      DeannaDiaz 5 years ago

      I love it! As I am just entering the teenage phase of mothering, your lens had me cracking up!

    • LouisaDembul profile image

      LouisaDembul 5 years ago

      My nine-year-old is already showing some of the symptoms here mentioned, I expect my life to be really hard by the time she becomes a teenager! (She still loves to be hugged...)

    • jadehorseshoe profile image

      jadehorseshoe 5 years ago

      My kids all hated me. Now, they worship me for having been "the meanest x#%" in the valley. They seem to be more "strict" with their kids than I was with mine.

    • Tamara14 profile image

      Tamara Kajari 5 years ago from Zagreb, Croatia, Europe

      So it's not just me?! How comforting:) My 13 year old rolls her eyes on most things I say while the younger one (9) still allows me to hug her, but... Great lens! The style? Awesome :)

    • THNeto profile image

      THNeto 5 years ago

      Laughed lots with your lens! Constantly fall into the nagging trap & am convinced both my teenagers developed chronic hearing deficiency around 12. Methinks the only cure is a couple of years' patience. May the force be with us...

    • davenjilli lm profile image

      davenjilli lm 5 years ago

      You have got it nailed! I have raised two teenagers one in the process and two more to follow. People think that your kids only need you when they are little, not true, they need you most when they are teens - if for nothing else - transportation

    • Rangoon House profile image

      AJ 5 years ago from Australia

      So funny!

    • LornsA178 profile image

      LornsA178 5 years ago

      Thanks for this lens, I learned a lot.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      These really work. Trust me. A huge like on this one. And don't you dare insinuate there are other people in the world. Whoa. I can still get away with a hug, if we're a hundred miles from her friends.

    • SciTechEditorDave profile image

      David Gardner 5 years ago from San Francisco Bay Area, California

      Wow. I tried all of these techniques with our two... and to make it even more strange, we homeschooled our two all the way through high school before they entered college ... and they squirmed the whole time (and when they hit 13 the green eyes and dagger-fingernails came out) ... but now they're successful adults (and even hug back now!). So it must have worked. Congrats on a Squidoo masterpiece.

    • GeekGirl1 profile image

      GeekGirl1 5 years ago

      This is a very informative lens. Thank you for sharing.

    • Frazzledad LM profile image

      Frazzledad LM 5 years ago

      Kanga, great stuff. As parents we take the little victories where we can. Being the parent we can be (which, someday they will appreciate AND getting to torment and torture them in the bargain? If that's not a win win, I don't know what is.

      Again great stuff. Thanks

    • Frazzledad LM profile image

      Frazzledad LM 5 years ago

      Oopppps, the BEST parent...not best English teacher just the best parent :)

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