- Family and Parenting
How To Not Kill Your Teenager
Getting Along With Your Teenager
If yo are like me, sometimes you feel like you really do need hints on how to not kill yur teenager; or at least some parenting suggestiongs on how to get along with your teemager a little better? Many do. Parenting is HAAAARD STUFF.
We have two teenage girls, and also lived through the teenage years of my huband's three boys. Not easy. Different - girls and boys, but neither is easy. That's because it's a really difficult time for them - everything changes in their lives as they move from the comfort and safety of childhood to adulthood. Their minds and bodies are not what they are used to as they change into adults. Emotions run wild.
But there are things you can do to get through parenting them in their teenage years, read on, then add your own. This is a page for sharing.
Image by Ellen de Casmaker
Humour is Very Important
Keep on Smiling
Ok, So this poster may not help your teen all that much, but it may help you. A laugh helps you to get things beck into persepctive. Post this on the back of your door or somewhere you can see it for those moments when you need a little lift.
Teenagers ...... 8 in. x 12 in.
10 Hints for Getting Along
Here are some tricks I use to get through those high-hormone times when it seems like there is a fight, blow-up or melt-down at least once a day:
1, Take a Deep Breath
I do this a lot!! Take a deep breath, then another. If you still feel like saying something that you know won't go well, take another.
Once upon a time, your teenager was wonderful. Remember that? You could talk with them about their lives, not be snapped at, and you weren't terminally stupid. I have a couple of really great memories I keep handy for those really hard moments. The tough part is remembering to dig them up, but I am working on it!
3. Send in the Alternate
If you have a significant other, sometimes it is their turn. Some of us like to talk through things and others like to stay quiet and hope it passes. Parenting involves both of you so if you are usually silent widen tour scope a little. And for the chatty one of the pair - encourage them. Something other than 'open your mouth and help out would ya" is probably best (take it from me).
4. Have Faith
They will grow out of it. My husbands boys all became wonderful, rational human beings after a couple of years. Yours will too. The religious kind of faith also doesn't hurt!!
5. Appreciate the Moments
Its not all bad. There are moments when you see glimpses of that wonderful person that was and will be again. Appreciate those moments. Write them in your diary so you can take a look on really bad days.
The Ultimate Rebel:
Rebel Without a Cause - classic teenager! 18 in. x 24 in.
6. Notice trends
For girls, 15 is horrible. There are a couple of months when you really wonder which of you will live. They are getting into the full hormonal swing and every day you see the same grumpy face. But it changes and things get better and better, really. For both girls and boys there is an actual physiological change that happens in their brains during the teenage years. There comes a time when this is all over with and things start to get better.
7. Remember That It Isn't Personal
Its not jut you. They snap at everyone. That change in their brains means that it is normal for them to forget what you told them 10 seconds after you say it. They are not just ignoring you. Or maybe they are just ignoring you too, but when they aren't there is a reason they seem really tuned-out.
8. Take Time for Yourself
Which you should anyhow. But those moments alone, walking, reading or just watching what you want on TV are good for you.
9. Talk With Your Spouse
Your partner in parenting is also your partner in resolving the issues. Make sure you are on the same page. Understand what each of you can and can't deal with. Back each other up.
10. Talk With Other Parents
How are others handling it - or how did they handle it, if they are through those years with their kids. Even if they can't share any wonderful life saving hints, together you can have a wonderful life saving laugh or two over the human condition!!
Books That May Help
Sometimes books can give a hint or two. And sometimes they just lend a little humour and let you know you are not alone.
A Little Laugh for Parents
I am sure I say these things everyday too. Remember we are all in this together so share this with another struggling parent of teenagers.
Sometimes we need to reach out to our kids, or to others, so try these if you are fealing down about all of this:
1. Look for parent support groups - or start one. Even a few parents in a room is the start of something supportive
2. Try out some on-line sharing groups on parenting. See that you are not alone.
3. Church groups handle all sorts of family topics.
4. Spend time with your teenager, let them lead the activity.
And No, They are Not From Outer Space
And now for something completely different:
Please share the ways you get/got through those high stress days.