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Advice to My Younger Self: A Series By an Older, Wiser Inspiring Women

Updated on December 23, 2017
Pam Morris profile image

Writing is my passion. I have an undying thirst and quest in the field of writing.Some eat, smoke, drink or use drugs when stress, I write.

Looking back to my younger years, helps me to realize that nothing is exactly what I had originally planned and my parent was so right...I needed to stay a child until life carries me into adulthood. I need to learn to gain more experience, so I will be able to make good decisions. Although my childhood was not the best experience for me, my mom helped me to realize the world owe me nothing. My father was a preacher, and he had his expectations of me so much more than what was placed on other children in life, and early in life, my mom taught me being qualified doesn’t entitle me to success. I have to work hard and apply my intelligence to implement anything worthwhile in this world.

Because my father was a preacher the only two places I was truly free to go to were school and church, other places like sleepovers, school dance, games, movies all came with restrictions. Do not misunderstand me; I love attending church and “don’t nobody” love God as much as I do. However, let's be honest a child needs a little bit more in their life because it is not as much fun from the perspective of a young child. And because I was not allowed to go other places without adult supervision like other kids, early in life, I was unable to socialize properly with other children and developed a poor self-esteem. Although there are things that I grow to appreciate more now than as a child and teenager.

Family upbringing plays a significant role in giving a right or wrong experience to any child's childhood. In spite of not the best youth, I am grateful I had an intelligent mother who paid attention to me, I still grew up in a healthy atmosphere around me. However, because I spent significant time inside, I had to find ways to entertain myself in the house. Therefore, I developed a very creative imagination.

By the time I reached middle school, I was learning how to interact with other children my age. Also, I developed a high self-esteem, which enables me to socialize with other kids because I had the best mother in the world any child could ever need. She always paid attention to that developing self-esteem and always knew how to make everything better.

She made sure I had an impressive appearance and taught me to be conscientious about my appearance. She taught me how to fold my dress when I sat down. She taught me to have the proper body language because what your body language says is what people often see first. Most of all, she shared with me her wisdom. She taught me to “always love who and what you are.” I understood that it is great to love someone else, but it is even better when you love yourself.

Fast forward to adulthood; When I was turning twenty-one, I met the man who would become my husband. We met in a neighborhood my aunt lived in and were friends who, nearing the end of my junior year in college, we fell in love. After a year of marriage, I gave birth to my first child. She was a girl and shortly after my entire life changed. Trying to adjust to a new baby and maintain a marriage that was still somewhat new, barely a year old taught me the usual post-baby marriage problems. After giving birth to my daughter, I gained a unique insight into postnatal recovery and discovered how to keep the romance in my relationship, so it remains firm after having a baby.

Being a first-time mother, I soon realized the date nights would be numbered, my life was no longer mines, and I had the responsibilities of raising my daughter, and I am going to lose sleep. I took on the responsibility of feeding, changing and dressing her, and whenever I left the house, it would take some getting used to gathering her and all her stuff to load the car and her into the baby carrier. Also, before I back out the garage, the considerable blowout that happened the second I put the car into reverse was a vast change. Besides, it took some getting used to all the changing of my shirt because she spits up all over me. I can remember thinking, I love her so much, and wow this must be how my mother felt raising me and the love I detect is similar to how much my mom loves me!' But all and all being a mom for the first time was beautiful.

Love advice to my younger self

I just wanted to share a few things with you before you kiss your first boyfriend and before you get started having a family, a husband, a baby, and then having two babies, think:

Start off being friends first, take your time and get to know the guy. Although there much physical attraction and that attraction are mutual, take enough time to recognize potential personality flaws — to even understand if you a love him passed the first butterfly phases. Friendship will be the foundation of your relationship for an incredible bond that will last!

Now Get rid of the checklist you create what you want in a mate. That “must-have” list kept you in and out of relationships. What you thought you wanted in a man created issues. When you are young, you do not always know what you need. When you stop thinking what’s not your type and open yourself up to dating men of all classes, you will go on a date with the man of your dreams.

Please realize that what some consider “boring” isn’t always reality. I learn what some consider “boring” are not boring to you and want to share with you, do not always listen to the given advice by someone learn for yourself what fit you. It is just that the same people are boring by comparison.

Don’t give up on love after getting your heart broken. You will get your heart broken from your first childhood crush. Moreover, you will meet someone else that will make you forget that darkest period of your life. Although you cannot see it at this moment, three months after your heartbreak you will be feeling better, and a year later you will marry your husband.

You will marry the second guy you fall in love with. You will love your two children, but I wish I had told myself there’s no rush.

Enjoy your life before you start having children, Book, a flight and go for it. Enjoy the warm sun and the beach in Miami, Florida, drink the best wine in France, sing and dance in New York as you enjoy your favorite play. Wherever you can go, go. Take that trip to Las Vegas, where much is happening. Just do it. You can pack the necessity now and enjoy with your husband and with friends, whatever. Because once you start having children, they will assume your life. Allowing your children to become your life was your choice that why I say enjoy life before you have your two children.

This love advice will prevent you from having regrets in life. Don’t spend any time worrying about the thing you cannot change or your children. Not even a second. You will be so happy you gain those few extra pounds, flabby belly and all. You will manage to lose later in life, but enjoy your abs now, and enjoy your ability to sleep late Saturday mornings because it all will end. You will work a lot of long hours and thank God you able to do so. Nonetheless, don’t lose hope those long hours will change and know that when life changes (and it will), you will be one of the happiest, most grateful mother on earth.

Additional Advice I would give my younger self if I could

I did not know then everything that I know today, but I always knew that someday I want to share my wisdom and would have children. Now that I do, I want to be as patient, attentive and loving to them as my mother was with me. I want to be there for them in their times of need, just as my mom was there for me. I want to let them know that it will be okay when they feel afraid, and teach them always to take one day at a time so that life does not consume them. I want them to understand that excellent choice is what will define your career and life.

As a child, we see life as fun and games, rather than as it really is. As an adult, I have learned that life is really like a boomerang. We throw our best effort out there, and nobody really knows how it will return. Most people hope life will bring them an attractive spouse with money, a big beautiful house, and a nice big car. Sometimes, though, that is not what the boomerang returns. Life doesn’t work that way. Life is what we make of it.

As an adult, and having learned that lesson, I would share some of what I know now with my younger self. First, I would tell her to set her priorities according to what will be most important to her. Then I would start with the advice to make sure she applied herself in high school. I did not entirely use all my talent because I was busy enjoying with friends. I would tell her never to follow the in-crowd, but rather to learn how to lead. That is what she was born to do.

I would tell her not to let life’s challenges change her future. To my younger self, I would say, “Believe in who and what you are with everything in you. Don’t pay attention to the words of others, but to their actions and life will be so much easier.” Try not to take things personally that people say about or to you. It is a reflection of them, not you. Moreover, last, but not least, “You can never please everyone, so there any need to try.”

Because I did most of these things and had to learn better; I endure many challenges. If you are reading this article and experienced different problems in your younger days, I want to ask you the question. If you could give write a note to your younger self, what would you say in only two words?

The Advice I Would Give to My Younger Self If I Could

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© 2015 Pam Morris


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    • Pam Morris profile image

      Pam Morris 19 months ago from Atlanta Georgia

      Thank you so much for voting my hub up it is greatly appreciated. I wished the same thing, that why I wrote this hub

    • Say Yes To Life profile image

      Yoleen Lucas 19 months ago from Big Island of Hawaii

      I have always wished I had my current self for an older sister when I was younger. I could write a book on all the advice I'd give my younger self. I wonder what my older self will want to say to me 10 years from now.

      Great hub - voted up!