- Family and Parenting»
- Parenting Skills, Styles & Advice
Motherhood is a Lifetime Job
Conditioning through colours and forms
Like any normal mother, I love my son and would shake the whole universe if necessary just so my son will have a good life.I am not a typical mother though so I cannot expect my first born to be a typical son too.
It all started when I happened to get so attracted to this very beautiful 6-month old baby boy. I was 19 years old then when I went to my classmate's house to get the book she borrowed from me in which she either forgot to return or had intentionally keep it. Then I saw the baby there, he was my classmate's nephew.
The baby's name was Roland and what attracted me to him was his very healthy features, the flawless and glowing baby skin, the giggles and everything a wonderful baby could be. I stayed almost a day there just watching and playing with Roland. That was my first time to have spent so much time with a baby; I was not exposed to any baby before. This experience of attraction to a baby haunted me from then on.
In my fantasy I imagined myself having a baby exactly or better than that. From then on I collected pictures of beautiful baby boys and made a scrap book of them. I even bought a huge poster of a very beautiful baby and posted it on the wall of my bedroom.
My own baby boy
One year later, I was 20, I gave birth to my first born. It was such a joy beyond compare when I first set eyes on my first born; it was like I fell in love for the first time; I just can't believe I have my own baby coming out from me. Then in my solitude I had resolved quietly, and with tears of joy in my eyes, that from this day onwards my life would revolve around him.
He was a bulky 12-pound baby boy, so big for a Filipino infant at birth. He was also too fair-skinned for a Filipino baby that people around would say that his father must have been a Caucasian. He was such a beautiful baby I had ever seen and he is my son, my gift..., more beautiful than those in the pictures I had collected; such awesome feeling.
The reality of parenting
But the awesome baby is another human being and the responsibility of being a parent is not just to awe in wonder in every moment of the child's life. I realized in my youthful motherhood that to have a child is in fact the onset of a completely changed life.
I took this realization seriously so I sat down one day and wrote everything that my new life should be with my child in my full charge. I listed down scenarios of our life together in a moment by moment basis including the life of my baby since birth up to the time that he would be the father of my grandchildren.
One Sunday when I was attending church, the Preacher was telling of five brothers who all became Pastors when they were adults; their Dad was a Judge and was so disappointed because he should have wanted another Judge or Attorney from any of his sons. This message gave me an idea.
The only rule is LOVE
I love my baby every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every week every month, every year and for the rest of my life. The bottom line is I love him unconditionally and with the kind of love that only a mother's heart can do.
The question then is "how do I love my child?".
Because I love my child I had formulated the following scenario;
1. I will finish a degree (I was an out-of-school then) so that he will be proud of me when he grows up;
2. I will make him the millionaire son when he is in his twenties.
But how could it be when I am not a millionaire myself? I knew then that I was just hitting the moon but I did research works just for this obsession; the obsession of a young mother-in-love-with-her-first-born. I wanted the best for him.
My strategy as a doting mother
While life was busy with work, dreams, ambitions, plans and every concern there was in life, y priority was still my son and my daughter who followed three years later. Having to beautiful children made more inspired in life. I finally finished my degree.
Things I did for their future success
1. Big posters on the wall
2. musical instruments
3. scrapbooks and colouring books
4. spending quality time as a family
5. giving them assignment and rewards for achievement
Big posters on the wall
My objective for the posters is to have a successful son and daughter in their adult life so in the bedroom of my son were beautiful and colourful posters of a wealthy and famous personality. Other posters are of money. I also created collage that showed me as being wealthy with all the symbols of money and success.
In the receiving room and all around the walls of my house were posters of guitars and musical instruments because I wanted my son to be a good guitar player just like my Dad and brother.
Music is the language of the soul and so aside from the posters of musical instruments, I bought guitars and electronic organs that I played myself. I also invited my brother weekly to play the guitar and eventually taught my son to play it.
Scrapbooks and colouring books
I din't really push them with colours and scrapbooks; I just bought a lot of them and do colouring myself. I drew and colour and he just imitated me. Most of my drawings were of nature but the scrapbooks were money and material possessions.
Spending quality time
Spending quality time with kids differ in many ways; it can be educational, leisurely or playfully, exploring nature, excursions in the city or some establishments, and the church and these could be done spontaneously better yet as a surprise or reward for good works in their parts.
Parenting is a lifetime job. Parents learn from their children and vice versa.