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My Son and I; Resolving Conflicts?
How it used to be
What am I doing?
What am I doing hubbing in hubpages? I don't even have adsense or any other money-making interests because I have hackers who mess with all my ID's all the time for more than two years now; I had adsense before but I was suspended for allegedly faking my personal information which is so disgusting; I am an open person, I never hide anything, I even show off my family. My hackers grab my ID's and clone them and now I am accused as not the true owner of my own account.
I know what these hackers are doing to me and my ID's; this is the very reason why it's just enough that I can express myself here and so far, I feel safe here though there was a time when I got suspicious and so I asked the question in hubpages and the answers I got really helped.I don't hub to show off any writing prowess; I am not hubbing for popularity, I don't really care about anything that every writer here care so much about. I am just glad I am allowed to write here safely. I am not hubbing for money, not that I don't want to earn but it is because I think it is impossible for given the situation and my phobia with the hackers in the net who; they just won't leave me alone.
I write my experiences; hubbing here is therapeutic for me and I had discovered a lot of hurts and heartaches that I had been keeping inside me as I go along in my writings; remembering what my life had been doing to me or what I had been doing with my life.
I am very happy that there is a "hubpages" site where I had been enjoying writing for days now and I thank all those who commented and followed me. I discovered as I go along in my writing the deep-seated heartaches I pushed down in me.
The Motherhood Story
Self-discovery in my hubbing
So far, I had written more than twenty hubs here in hubpages since I came back less than a month ago. But most, if not all of my hubs, are an integral parts of my life experiences.
Writing my story in hubpages helps me a lot to introspect and in my self-discovery. When I was writing the Motherhood and Pregnancy, I felt blocked and cannot continue; it took me two days off and on in my writing because I felt a very deep sadness; I had been crying and I cannot understand why. Then I realized that I had been suppressing some sort of sadness and hurt feelings towards my son and his wife.
My wonderful son
My own beautiful baby, wonder boy, awesome brain, genius, terrific kid, not to mention his meticulous paintings and his music; guitar, piano, musical arranging and conducting choral groups, all these even before he was a teen-age ...the list can go on and on and I cannot contain my joy when people would say I am the luckiest mother to have a son like him. My son was an authentic child prodigy.
He was an early starter; walked at six months, talked clearly at one year, wrote his complete name at less than one year old; he was only three when he repeated all the stories from the ten-volume children's books to the amazed crowd of both young and old;he was and a consistent top pupil from kindergarten throughout his elementary grades.
He was seventeen years old when he announced to me seriously about his girl friend being pregnant and that he is the father. That was the beginning of my motherhood cross. When the seriousness of the news sank in me, I became hysteric and traumatic; I cannot accept it but he said to me "Mamma, you were the one who told me that I started walking when I was six months, writing my name at one year old, and so forth and so on...why are you so surprised when I am a father and married at at seventeen? Will you be surprised too if I become a millionaire at twenty?" Whatever my son would say, I cannot be consoled, I was just too hurt so I ran away, broke my marriage and married a New Zealand guy (Adrian).
At eighteen, my son was legally married, his father arranged all the grand wedding, I did not attend, cannot accept it.
Motherhood, inspiration and sacrifice?
I am a mother, mother-in-law and a grandmother; these three roles can make or break my life.
I married the father of my baby because I didn't want my baby to be a bastard; and I broke my marriage when my son dropped his "atomic bomb", when he made the decision to be independent at such an early age. I had great dreams for him, a doctor or an engineer at the least; but he dropped out of college at 18 to marry. This is too much grief that can kill me; all my life since his birth, was focused on him; my inspiration, my joy, my pride, my dream; all these turned to ashes and I was lost. Life was never the same anymore.
I love my daughter-in-law, no questions about that but there is just something very personal between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law relationship that conflicts in the long run.
I don't even want to go to details because I cannot be biased; I don't want to intervene with the happiness of my son and his family. The only thing that hurts me deeply is that when they were still in need of my service and presence they stuck around me but since my son became what he is now in his successful financial condition; nobody remembers me. Not a greeting in facebook on Christmas, New Year, and even on my birthday.
I love them and God knows how much I miss my beautiful grandchildren.
Yes,motherhood may be exciting when the children are young and are dependent on mother's love and care, but when they find their niche and become successful, they forget that they won't be here in this life without a mother.
This is the thing that blocked me from my writing. It is easier to write on my education and other areas but since I had touched motherhood, I started to have mental blocks. It's my sadness on what happened between me and my son and his family.
I know I will get over this. The fact that I am aware now will perhaps help me move on to another subject matter or perhaps the same but with a better perspective.
Thank you hubpages.