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Moms are Superheroes, Mothers have Superpowers
I caught this question the other day, Who is your favorite superhero, and it got me to thinking... You read superhero and there goes your mind conjuring up images of Superman, Spiderman, Captain America, Batman, Wonder Woman, Catwoman, X-Men and probably another long list of fancy characters. Right? Yes, right.
Well, I'm here to tell you you're getting ahead of yourselves and forgetting the most basic and common type of superhero: MOTHERS!
Now you're thinking that's stretching it, aren't you? Yes, you are! Well, no. I'm not. And I'm going to prove my point, you'll see.
Here are the superpowers that qualify moms as superheroes.
1. See all!
Where's my red shirt mom? Yell you with your head inside your closet.
Second hanger off the right! Yells your mother, while watching TV in the living room.
Have you seen my chemistry book, mom? Yell you from your bedroom, hands in pockets, aimlessly looking around the mess.
Look under that box of shoes under the bed, yells your mom, while she's peeling a potato.
Mom! Did you see my car keys somewhere? Yell you while frantically searching your pant pockets, jacket pockets, bedside table, kitchen counter, key holder by the door...
Look by the TV! Yells your mother, not missing her place on the Sunday paper.
Any of this sound familiar? Of course it does! Mothers see all! They don't even need to be in a room to see it, either!
What super power is that? It's a combination of X-Ray vision, photographic memory, and a RAM the size of ten supercomputers to store all sorts of seemingly unnecessary offspring-related information.
And it is a superpower that only mothers seem to possess, this X-ray vision is truly unique to moms.
Beat that, Superman!
2. Know all!
We offspring ingenuously think that we're fooling our moms when we sneak out the back door or off the window to meet our friends.
We offspring ingenuously believe that our moms don't know about out latest crank to the next door neighbor.
We offspring ingenuously think mom doesn't know that we're secretly in love with her best friend's daughter or son.
We offspring think we outsmart mom in each and every move we make. We think they don't know. We need to think again or we, offspring, are being totally delusional!
Daughters and sons of the world, please take note: You mother knows all there is to know about you. If you're gay, if you've got a boyfriend whom you think your parents wouldn't approve, if you're ditching your modest clothes that your mom bought for you in favor of a revealing get-up that you bought for yourself as soon as you clear the door...
They know. They just do! There was never a mother fooled by all any of her kids' insincerities!
Now what kind of superpower is that? Telepathy? Or maybe omnipresence? Sounds like a big word, omnipresence, but what else? I mean, they know stuff!
Beat that Spiderman!
3. Cure all!
Real-world superheroes are a little more incognito, with their hero personas not as distinguishable from their secret identities. But if these real-life superheroes decided to don some spandex I’m sure most would have a big “M” on their chests. “M” for Mom.
No matter who you are, we can find common ground in respecting our own mothers, the mothers of our children and all mothers.
Extract from www.irontontribune.com
What cures a scrape faster than Betadine? What makes pain go away better than Aspirin?
Sir, that would be some tender caring and a sweet kiss from mom.
What shoulder is the strongest to cry on when you're hurt? Who listens better and longer than the best shrink money can buy?
Sir, that would be mom's shoulder, who is a rock, or a mountain, and who doesn't judge what she hears, she just listens, dries tears off, chases demons away.
Who knows when you're not feeling quite up to your perky self? Who understands that you'd simply appreciate some chicken soup and some old fashioned TLC?
Sir. Mom, sir.
Who, ladies and gentlemen, can kiss most hurts away? Who can spend the night by your side when you're 5, or 10, or 30 and have a fever, and make you feel all the better just for being there? Just because you know someone loves you unconditionally and will be by your side?
That would be mom. Mothers have a keen sixth or sixtieth sense when something worries us, or hurts us, or when we're not feeling just like our mothers know we would normally feel.
Even when we are distanced from mom, by choice or circumstance, they know just how we are feeling, when they listen to us on the phone.
Now, what sort of superpower is this? Omnipotence, at the very least, but I think this one's a superpower that not Batman, nor Superman, nor the whole gang of X-Men together can match. It's totally and completely unique to mothers.
Beat that, Marvel!
4. Cook better than anyone else
Last but not least
We all know just how MY mother cooks the best chicken wings, and I mean the best.
And how MY mother cooks the best casserole, and I mean the bestest in the world, there's no other like mom's!
And we all know how there can't ever be a banana pudding just like mom's, NONE in the world!
Is it true, or is it true that ALL mothers cook that special dish like nobody else in the world, and the offspring will swear by the dish in question being the bestest to any other?
Is it true, or is it true! Beat that Batman! HA!
I don't know that this superpower would even have a name, Marvel certainly didn' invent it, so here goes my branding: MOM is the BEST cook!
5. The TOP reason why mothers are superheroes
Moms are superheroes minus capes
Superman is faster than a speeding bullet. Moms are faster than a runaway toddler. More powerful than a locomotive? Well, maybe not, but certainly stronger than a dirty diaper. And there may not be any leaping of tall buildings in a single bound but hopping around mountains of toys in a darkened house sure is close.
Extract from www.irontontribune.com
All the scientific proof that I provided is validated by the fact that these qualities are universal! They apply to all mothers in the whole wide world!
Now you're hrrrmphing and doubting me. Actually, you're doubting whether your mother fits the bill. You're not really thinking if I'm right or wrong, you're thinking of mom. I know it, you do, too.
So, OK, I'll grant you, maybe your mom doesn't have all these superpowers, just some of them. Or maybe even only one of them.
What then? Just one superpower doesn't make a superhero? I think Marvel would beg to disagree, and so do I.
Regardless, most moms have all these superpowers, but even if they only have one of them, that one superpower qualifies them. If you don't think so, this isn't going to change your mind, so.... off we go to buy some comic strip where people can fly or spit fire or jump a 10 feet wall...
...that's not going to change the fact that moms do a lot more important (even though a lot less glamorous) work than all the superheroes put together and then some!
Are moms superheroes?
© 2011 Buffoon