Moms of Angels
If you've ever held an angel..
Mother's Day, and the two year anniversary of the loss of my son, is quickly approaching. It is normally a day of happiness and celebrating motherhood, but there are those of us who go unsung and unnoticed. Maybe your friends do not know of your loss, maybe they have simply moved on, but you remember. The flowers and corsages come out. Husbands send flowers to their wives, but all you may feel is loss and loneliness. You are not alone. Remember your angel is watching over you, and that countess others are walking in the same shoes you have. This page is dedicated to you and your angel on this Mother's Day.
Lest we forget...
Take the time on this day to remember your little one. Grief is natural on this day, so do acknowledge that. Here are some ideas to help you in honoring them:
*write a letter
*plant flowers in their honor
*donate to a local hospital or charity
*tell someone that you need support
*let loose a balloon into the sky
*hold on to something of theirs (blankets or teddy bears)
Or you can do what I did and create a Memorial Book.
Memorial and Cremation Jewlery
What Makes A Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes.
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a mother and
I know I heard him say,
A mother has a baby.
This we know is true.
But God, can you be a mother
when your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, He replied
with confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies.
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
but there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this. God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
with other children and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of life and love and fear.
My Mommy loved me, Oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
who had so much love for me,
I learned my lesson very quickly.
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy, Oh so much,
but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
on her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
'Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'"
So you see, my dear sweet one,
your children are okay.
Your babies are here in MY home
and this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with ME
until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother-
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with ME one day,
and know you're the best one
Little did I know, but in January of 2010 a new life had begun. As with my other two pregnancies, I had no symptoms. Some women talk of morning sickness, but with all 3 of my pregnancies I never suspected anything until well into the second month. By March, I had what I thought was a normal period. I had suspected I was pregnant, but then figured that with a period I was not pregnant as I had suspected.
In April, I then had the signs. I knew it for sure and confirmed my pregnancy with a home pregnancy test. I immediately made an appointment with my doctor. She could not get me in until May, so I had to eagerly wait.
On May 11, I stayed at work until 9 pm. There was an awards ceremony which I had to coordinate. I came home around 9:30. As soon as I walked downstairs to greet my husband, he noticed blood. My first reaction was maybe I wasn't pregnant. I went to Wal-Mart and bought a home pregnancy test. I took it in the public stall in the store and called my husband when it came up positive. He made arrangements for the kids and met me at the hospital. The doctor ran tests and listened to the healthy heartbeat. He tried to prepare me by saying tissue would pass. I cringe now thinking of those words. Tissue??
“Nothing prepared me for what happened.”
I was told nothing could be done and an ultrasound was scheduled for the morning. We went home and waited for the ultrasound appointment. I did not sleep all night due to cramping. There was no blood, but I continued to cramp. My husband left for work while I rested until the appointment. I was on bedrest, and I laid there until 9:30 am. I needed to use the bathroom, and out he came. All 1 pounds of him. Fully formed "tissue"..yeah right. He was a fully formed 19 week old baby.
What happened next was a whirlwind of rushing to the ER, going by ambulance to another facility for surgery to remove the placenta, losing 50% of my blood volume, passing out, and slowly recovering in my hospital bed. In the middle of all this, my husband had the clearmindedness to ask someone to take pictures. You see we never had baby blankets, no baby book, no booties, nothing to remember him by. Pictures, though, are the connection we now have to him. We were scheduled for our first ultrasound an hour after he was born, so we never had one for our memorial book. Months later, I started on a scrapbook for him. I feel that healing has begun by doing this. I also plan on using this book as a testimony to his life.
I will meet you at 1 my Christopher.
I know someone who lost a child. What do I do on Mother's Day?
If she has no other children, it is ok to tell her that you recognize that she is a mother. She will be very appreciative that someone remembers the loss and that she is a mother.
It's ok to tell her Happy Mother's Day, but be prepared to see a few tears or a half hearted thank you. Know your comfort level with her. Give her a hug if she wants one.
You could give a gift on behalf of the child to a local charity and give her a card telling her that you did so.
You could invite her to go out and have fun or for a day of relaxation, anything to distract from the day if that is needed.
In any case, you should acknowledge the loss and recognize her as a mother.