Should Teenagers be Prevented from Having Sex?
Inspired by Another Question
mistyhorizon2003 asked: Would you allow your teenage daughter to bring her boyfriend back to your house to stay overnight with her?
Understanding your Worries
I have to admit, that I would also be worried. But to be able to answer the question more specifically I would have to know what the word teenage in your question means. That could be any girl between 13 or 19 years old from my understanding and there are worlds between kids that age. Even between kids of the same age in that period.
Intimacy is Scary
I wonder why LadyWordsmith got voted down that furiously. She doesn't say, let your teenage daughter do whatever she wants and don't care about what will happen if she slept with her boyfriend. Quite the opposite, as far as I understand her. Taking care of your kid means to worry and to be interested in her life and her desires. For some (or more) reasons sexuality is something that most of us are afraid of to talk about. Especially with our daughters and sons. So were my parents. I think to be able to talk about sex you would have to have an already well established connection to your child which might be difficult during teenagehood. It is such an intimate thing and I guess most parents and kids will always have some difficulties doing this. Although I always heard that mothers are able to talk with their daughters about certain intimate things, I guess fathers (if available) are usually too manly to do this with their boys in a similar manner. And in no way do I see that happen between fathers and daughters. That seems to be impossible due to certain standards of our society.
It is Bound to Happen
I definitely agree with LadyWordsmith that you can of course reduce the possibilities of your daughter to conduct sex by not allowing her to spend a night with her boyfriend but if they really wanted to do it, they would just do it somewhere else and make you think they are with friends or wherever you wouldn't object.
It Doesn't Look too Bad in the Statistics
I've found a nice page with some statistics, that do not seem to be depressing at all. But to be fair, I have to say that I am a German Agnostic with a slightly catholic background and that I have no general moral issues with the fact that teenagers are having sex with each other. Surely I also would make a difference if an 18yo boy would date my 14yo daughter, even if it is quite unlikely. I had my first sex with 18 with my then 16yo girlfriend (American, by the way) at my room during daylight because her guest-mother wouldn't allow her to sleep over (understandable as she wasn't even her daughter, but still annoying from our point of view then).
Kids are way more Informed than you Think
And I would like to add that I am more than happy that neither my mother nor my father ever really tried having an awkward conversation about "how to have safer sex" with me. But then we never had that close a relationship at first hand. I figured it out myself and guess I was lucky I didn't become an early father. Some instructions and real sexual education could have done wonders. But that didn't occur in my early years (the 70ies and 80ies, German catholic society, the rather weakly practising kind). Nowadays in times of the internet, kids get a lot from there and are by far more educated, even yours, if you like it or not. And I guess that is why they usually are more conscious about with whom they want to sleep and have children. And last but not least, and I am not going into detail here, becoming pregnant at an early age is strongly connected to the degree of education. Your kid's and yours.
What are you Really Afraid Of?
So if you are worried about her having sex in general because it is against your religious moral code, and also would have to worry about what the others in your community think, than yes, you would have to prevent such events. But then the question remains, why isn't your daughter as convinced of your moral basis to be the right one as you are? And above all, why don't you trust her to do the right thing?
Believe me, I am going through the same troubles just focussing on different subjects. I don't trust my son with many things although he is absolutely fine with most of them. There is nothing that justifies the intensity of my mistrust and still... And I can see it quite clearly now, that these are my own insecurities, my fears of not being able to cope with my life, my sorrow about what others think of me. I am not at all worried about my son. Not at all, because he is doing fine. It is me who isn't. That's why I have started an analysis to settle this once and for all, but this takes time and there will be regress. I am doing it for me alone, but then he will have someone to look at and see a good example. That makes it worth the trouble.
Your daughter is fine. It is you, you should be worried about.
Children are a wonderful gift. We like to show them to others, show them how beautiful they are. We are worried that someone might find a stain on them, so we try to polish them, hide the ugly parts for as long as possible...