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Raising Happy and Confident Children
Our children are the true and honest reflection of us; their parents. We are their security, their comfort, joy and teachers. It is up to us to not only raise them and keep them safe, but also to make the moments in their life matter as each experience that they will undergo will shape and develop who they become as adults in society.
Our children are beyond a doubt, the very best investment we can make for the future, our hope and love -- they are our legacy.
Raising happy and confident children is not just about giggles and games. Children need structure, flexibility, guideline, love and a about a million other considerations to find their true selves and have the inner power that will open them up to a happiness and confidence that will lead them forward, as the walk the path of childhood into the realities of becoming an adult.
Setting up guidelines and establishing boundaries are important for your child. Though it may seem harsh, it really is an important first step. If you don't understand the 'rules in the game', it is easy to break them and then have to face the consequences -- lets not set our children up for failure. You can create ways to do both and instill a deep and meaningful sense of confidence and a world of happy for your babies (of any age). Our children are out future, giving them the keys for success is our responsibility. We love them, protect them and care for their every need... we give them the foundation and building blocks to become anything that they want to be as they transition themselves into a state of adulthood. Lets set them up for success!
5 Tips to Build Happy Confident Children - That every parent can do
- Smile at your children often... they are watching you and need your reassurance in life ~ a simple smile can accomplish that!
- Praise even the smallest accomplishment... the more they praise they receive, the more praise they will seek by doing good things to get your attention
- Always try to use a soft, loving voice with your children, even if they have made a mistake, they need to know that we love them. Using a loud voice will push them away, or intimidate them from coming to you when they need to
- Give them loving touches throughout the day; hugs, kisses, stroking their hair. Each time you reach out for your children in a loving manor will grow a sense of being wanted. Something everyone will benefit from
- Give them time. If you have one child or twenty, they need their 'special' time with you. Chalk up even a half an hour a week (at a minimum) that is solely their time with you. They will grow and benefit from these minutes more than words can explain
Focus on Quality Time
So the below poll SHOCKED me...
If you are now an adult, it is a given that you were once a child. Some of the best advice that any parent can receive is: Take the best of your childhood and apply it... then take the worst of your 'childhood' experiences and learn from them.
I am a grown woman. I have children ranging from 9 to 20 and I have always tried to ensure that their life would be better than the one that I had -- not 'the have's / have not's' but grounding in their identity, self-esteem, morals and life skills. It was (and still is) so incredibly important for me to listen to my children and really hear what they have to say (verbally and via body language). But what I am seeing in all too many relationships between other parents and their children is that the 'listen to me and OBEY' seems to guide a vast number of parent / child relationships.
Do the parents know their children? Or has the role of the 'parent' been transformed into the 'master and obedient' stigma?
As a parent I have had fails... but I can honestly say that over the last 20 years I have chosen to learn from what didn't work and now; my children are developing into increasing people whom I am proud to share my life with.... the number one reason I believe we are living a parent & child success story? It is because WE LISTEN TO EACH OTHER!
One day my youngest thanked me for always having ears for her (she is 9!). Confused I accepted her praise and inquired what had brought on the conversation and she very sadly told me that she was speaking with her friends and that SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE whom felt that she had parents that listened to her... it got me thinking. I had never really been listened to growing up, and became rebellious over the fact that I felt that I had no voice...
When I originally wrote this article I asked a simple question in a poll (located directly below): When you were growing up, do you feel that you were listened to... the answers are sadly shocking...
When you were a child... Do you feel that you were listened to enough?
Listen to what your child has to say -- They need you to hear their sweet words...
They are saying it because they want you to hear it... they want to know that they matter to you.
Children do not come with a mute button or a pause feature... even though there are times that we all wish that they did...
Let their voices stand out in your life. Maybe it is a question that they are looking to you for the answer. Perhaps they have a request for something that they feel that they know you and supply. When our children talk we need to make sure that we are listening so that they don't feel like they are invisible, or even unworthy. Mute the TV... end the phone call... they are worth it! By listening to their voice we are empowering them to develop into well rounded adults.
Let them know they matter by giving them the time to listen to what they have to say...
The best words I have ever heard in my life were "I love you mom"... Spoken from the lips of my children...— LouCannon
Take time together to make a keepsake
It's about capture they moments -- together
Engage with your child
The moments you give to them matter
In my past, I wasn't always the most engaged parent. Sometimes when my children would come to me and ask for assistance with this or that, I would postpone her needs or brush them off all together. Can we say "FAIL"!
I once wore blinders and wouldn't allow myself to see what emotional effects and the consequences that my inaction had on my child. Then one day, for some reason I watched, really, really watched the impact that my failure to engage had on my child. She came to me and needed something so simple...
Her little voice sounding so hopeful that I could help fill her teeny, tiny need (which really would have taken less than a simple moment). When I postponed her, her little shoulders slumped, her eyes dimmed and the body language that emanated a sense of not being cared about -- she seemed to lose another piece of faith in me as I watched her. Yes was only something something small and simple -- and so much more important than anything else in the world should be.
No T.V. show, telephone call, book or newspaper should every come before engaging with your child. My child suffered through my learning faze, your child shouldn't have to. If you are so lucky that your child wants to involve you in their life make them a priority. If they have established boundaries where you are involved, make it a priority to over come those boundaries and win their faith in you back -- invite them to a tea party, to play a board game or go on a bike ride together! Now is the time!!!
Remember Self Care
If you are worn down, tired out, feeling blue or are currently lacking your emotional energy there is no way that you can devote the kind of 'parent time' that your children need. Try and take a few minutes a day to make sure that you are topped up! Maybe it is a couple extra minutes of quiet time in the bathroom, or setting your alarm for a few extra minutes in the morning... somewhere in your day there is enough time to have a minute to yourself, to charge our batteries: You deserve it!
5 Parenting Tips to bring your children happiness and confidence:
- Attentively listen when they speak to you -- Eye contact is great -- as you already know!
- Make a monthly 'date' with your child that is marked on the calendar. Your child can count downs to date day are often a fun way to look forward to the special time
- Keep an updated 'me and my parents' photo displayed
- Let them catch you complimenting them to others -- those little ears pick everything up!
- Being active in their morning and bedtime routines is a great opportunity for starting and ending the day off on a beautiful note
And a tip for you, as a parent: Enjoy this time, as it goes by too fast...
Does you child seem to sleep better if they have a bedtime story?
Ever had to ground your child? No TV for a week? Stay in for the weekend? What if there was a different approach to the dreaded grounding? What if I told you th
- Children Groundings that WORK
Ever ground your child, just to find that it seems it is more work or stress for you, following through with the punishment? Or does the grounding get forgotten in the momentum of everyday life? There is a better way that is parent and child friendly