Rearing a child : Fast forward for couples to be.
Rearing a child
I always believed that when a girl and a boy are ready for marriage, they should marry. But what is "being ready" really mean.
Is it just physical readiness that they have to have or a rather responsible approach towards marriage for the offspring that is bound to arrive? So the question is how much preparedness the couple (as individuals too), should have towards the future offspring even before they have tied the knot.
A child is the best and most important part of a marriage, as well as the most important reason for a marriage, whether the bride or groom is aware or not about the needs of a child before having one.
Most families marry their sons and daughters for the same reason but leave lot of questions unanswered to them or rather leave it to the couple to find them as per their nature and common sense. This hub is for preparing couples, based on my own experiences and my understanding about this subject. I have a son of 11 yr. old and we have been successful in rearing him in a nuclear family, where only one of us earn like a traditional setup, obviously me :-).
In the present scenario, where both couples earn and go out to work, post marriage, a defined period could be set aside for personal growth so that when that period is over, and couples are ready to rear a child, all activities further on, that, couples get involved, a “child first” approach is necessary, rather than personal goals.
Couples still continuing with a “me first” approach can have lot of problems.
There are different stages of child’s needs that have to be planned.
- Having time for new arrival.
I think the most important planning that has to be done is nothing to do with the offspring but with planning for spare time, before taking a decision to start a family. This is very important for bride as well groom when both are busy building their career and in their stressful life bound to make mistakes without getting mentally ready to rear a child. Most working couples face a challenge in taking a decision "to either quit existing jobs or take sabbatical.”. A child under a stressful conditions should be avoided, rather it should be well planned like a holiday trip, when the couple are relaxed and are aware of the way the holiday will progress.
- How much commercial freedom is enough before starting a family?
The other aspect that affects the couple is lack of financial strength to start a family, when the couples have to fend for their extravagance. The habits of saving have to be well engrained before starting a family.
In these tender years the most important person is mother, for this is time when the child really needs a proper care taking, that, only a mother can do.
The couples should be available for feeding, talking, touching, playing, socializing so that the child learns from you how to deal with outside world. A lack of either of the parent involvement during this period can widely affect social capabilities of the child. A dedicated parent would be involved in teaching language, answer child’s queries, telling bed time stories of legends, history, and fairy tales. This helps the child, in having good control over language, vocabulary, speaking skills, bonding and overall confidence building of the child in the world outside.
Even answering queries of the child whenever he asks is enough for the child to grow up confidently. This period they are highly receptive and your attitude matters most in making or breaking the future.
If the 6-10 years were full of quality time, the child would rather be very confident and independent; otherwise, these years will be a very tough time for the parents. Reasons are obvious.
If previously mentioned activities were missing in your daily routine, the consequences would be
- Child would have grown on some external influence.
- Child would have grown up neglected, hence might turn to be arrogant or ruthless in his demands.
- Child would have felt no difference in your presence due to your regular absence. He would rather not ask you anything or answer you properly.
So, a well spent time b/w 6-10 years can change the outlook of your kid and his future will be brightest.
16-18 years [further...]
This will be a transformational period for the child, as he prepares to start living on his own. So, all that he would have learned or rather not learnt would affect him in his future. The most essential part that parents can do is to observe, his confidence in you and your confidence in him. If any of these queries are unanswerable then there is bound to be escalations in the future.
© 2015 Hari Prasad S