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Rearing a child - Fast forward for couples to be.

Updated on March 5, 2016
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Rearing a child

I always believed that when a girl and a boy is ready for marriage, they should marry. But what is "being ready" really mean.

Is it just physical readiness that they have to have or a rather responsible approach towards marriage for the offspring that is bound to arrive? So the question is how much preparedness the couple (as individuals too), should have towards the future offspring even before they have tied the knot.

A child is the best and most important part of a marriage, as well as the most important reason for a marriage, whether the bride or groom is aware or not about the needs of a child before having one.

Most families marry their sons and daughters for the same reason but leave lot of questions unanswered to them or rather leave it to the couple to find them as per their nature and common sense. This hub is for preparing couples, based on my own experiences and my understanding about this subject. I have a son of 11 yr. old and we have been successful in rearing him in a nuclear family, where only one of us earn like a traditional setup, obviously me :-).

In the present scenario, where both couples earn and go out to work, post marriage, a defined period could be set aside for personal growth so that when that period is over, and couples are ready to rear a child, all activities further on, that, couples get involved, a “child first” approach is necessary, rather than personal goals.


Couples still continuing with a “me first” approach can have lot of problems.

There are different stages of child’s needs that have to be planned.

- Having time for new arrival.

I think the most important planning that has to be done is nothing to do with the offspring but with planning for spare time, before taking a decision to start a family. This is very important for bride as well groom when both are busy building their career and in their stressful life bound to make mistakes without getting mentally ready to rear a child. Most working couples face a challenge in taking a decision "to either quit existing jobs or take sabbatical.”. A child under a stressful conditions should be avoided, rather it should be well planned like a holiday trip, when the couple are relaxed and are aware of the way the holiday will progress.

- How much commercial freedom is enough before starting a family?

The other aspect that affects the couple is lack of financial strength to start a family, when the couples have to fend for their extravagance. The habits of saving have to be well engrained before starting a family.

0-5 years

In these tender years the most important person is mother, for this is time when the child really needs a proper care taking, that, only a mother can do.

6-10 years

The couples should be available for feeding, talking, touching, playing, socializing so that the child learns from you how to deal with outside world. A lack of either of the parent involvement during this period can widely affect social capabilities of the child. A dedicated parent would be involved in teaching language, answer child’s queries, telling bed time stories of legends, history, and fairy tales. This helps the child, in having good control over language, vocabulary, speaking skills, bonding and overall confidence building of the child in the world outside.

Even answering queries of the child whenever he asks is enough for the child to grow up confidently. This period they are highly receptive and your attitude matters most in making or breaking the future.

11-16 years

If the 6-10 years were full of quality time, the child would rather be very confident and independent; otherwise, these years will be a very tough time for the parents. Reasons are obvious.

If previously mentioned activities were missing in your daily routine, the consequences would be

- Child would have grown on some external influence.

- Child would have grown up neglected, hence might turn to be arrogant or ruthless in his demands.

- Child would have felt no difference in your presence due to your regular absence. He would rather not ask you anything or answer you properly.

So, a well spent time b/w 6-10 years can change the outlook of your kid and his future will be brightest.

16-18 years [further...]

This will be a transformational period for the child, as he prepares to start living on his own. So, all that he would have learned or rather not learnt would affect him in his future. The most essential part that parents can do is to observe, his confidence in you and your confidence in him. If any of these queries are unanswerable then there is bound to be escalations in the future.

© 2015 Hari Prasad S

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    • shprd74 profile image
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      Hari Prasad S 4 months ago from Bangalore

      Thanks usha madam.

      - hari

    • shprd74 profile image
      Author

      Hari Prasad S 14 months ago from Bangalore

      Thank you vishnu sir for reading and commenting too.

      -hari

    • profile image

      Vishnu 14 months ago

      Most beautiful stage by stage deployment of parenting and nurturing skills.Also new age family structures and millenials upbringing!

    • shprd74 profile image
      Author

      Hari Prasad S 17 months ago from Bangalore

      The other trend we see in urban india is nanny culture. Neither parents can spare 24x7 for these 0-6 yrs also.

      Thanks for your feedback and visit. You are right as society grows all combinations happen.

      Culprit is but economy. As living gets tougher due to high cost of living, the birthrate too goes down as well as traditional ways of rearing. Yet a balance can be done. But is left to couples as they have the ball in their court.

      - Hari

      - hari

    • shprd74 profile image
      Author

      Hari Prasad S 17 months ago from Bangalore

      The other trend we see in urban india is nanny culture. Neither parents can spare 24x7 for these 0-6 yrs also.

      Thanks for your feedback and visit. You are right as society grows all combinations happen.

      Culprit is but economy. As living gets tougher due to high cost of living, the birthrate too goes down as well as traditional ways of rearing. Nut a balance can be done. But is left to couples as I have the ball in their court.

      - hari

      - hari

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image

      Denise McGill 17 months ago from Fresno CA

      Hari,

      I know there are some couples that would argue with you on some points. My daughter is working and son-in-law is home raising the children, including the new-born. It remains to be seen if a mother's influence is more important than a father's for the 0-6 years. I have to agree that I had my mother for those years and I was there for my children as well, but the world is changing and many fathers are home rather than the mothers today. We will see if this was good or a bad thing in the years to come, I guess.

    • shprd74 profile image
      Author

      Hari Prasad S 17 months ago from Bangalore

      Thanks devika for your appreciation. :-)

      - hari

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 17 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Great advice! An important way to learn for parents.

    • shprd74 profile image
      Author

      Hari Prasad S 18 months ago from Bangalore

      Thanks for you valuable comments too manitita.

      - Hari

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 18 months ago from london

      Yes, a sincere effort and a noble outlook. Some families are special and will have a way that suits them and their children. Still, you words and experiences are valuable and it's good that they are passed on in this Age.

      Hari Om!

    • shprd74 profile image
      Author

      Hari Prasad S 18 months ago from Bangalore

      Thanks surabhi for your comments.

      - hari

    • profile image

      Surabhi Kaura 18 months ago

      This is a great guide for couples entering into wedlock. I like how you have the years there; describing each stage. After all, it's coming from a responsible father. Good parenting advice. Love to the little one :) Peace.

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