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Selfish or Selfless Parenting

Updated on July 6, 2016


We all know parenting doesn’t come with a handbook, well unless you’re a Christ follower, than you have the greatest handbook of all – the Bible-God’s written word! Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” I’m sure if I searched more, I would find numerous Bible verses indicating how we should parent, in addition to those instructing children to listen to their fathers and mothers.

What I’m having a hard time with, is when parents forget children are a blessing, not a burden and they aren’t to be used to pit parents against each other. The hardest aspect of parenting in today’s society seems to be step-parenting. Biological parents, especially mother’s from what I have seen, have a hard time allowing their children to build relationships with the step parent (usually the step-mom). As long as the step-parent treats my child as if they were their own biological child, there should be no problem. Jealousy is a very ugly monster and allowing that to wreak havoc in parenting is disturbing to me. As children grow, their schedules become fuller and we have to adjust visitation. It is the way of life. Would you force your late teen child to drop work or college classes to be with you? If so, shame on you!

  1. Children do NOT ask to be conceived and birthed – we, as parents, made that choice for them. Once they are in our lives, they come third (first is God, second is our spouse) as I see it. God blessed them into our care to love them, nurture them, guide them and teach them how to move along in this crazy world we live in.
  2. If you and their other parent cannot make a go of your relationship, move on peacefully and amicably. Show those children that you can still have a healthy relationship and it is okay to build one with the next adult who comes into their lives (granted they don’t harm them). It is okay to get along – It is better to get along.
  3. Again I say, children are NOT a burden – they are a blessing…one of the greatest you could ever have. Many out there cannot have their own, if you couldn’t raise them properly let someone else who has the means in all ways – physical, spiritual, mentally, etc. They deserve a life filled with love, care, guidance, and any other positive thing you can muster up.
  4. You cannot be their friend AND their parent! It just does not work! The time will come to be their friend when they are grown. Let them enjoy being children now, childhood is gone in the blink of an eye! Don’t talk about adult things with them – talk about their lives with them. Their friends, what interests they have, get them involved in activities that hone in on their interests. Keep parenting and friendship separate – you have your friends, they have theirs.

I have seen so many children be used by parents to hurt one another and it is so wrong! I try my best to not have that happen to the children in my care, especially my son and my step-daughter. But sometimes, it can be very difficult because biological parents can work against you because of the jealousy monster or some other monster in their lives. Please put your children first and foremost when it comes to not being selfish. Being more selfless, will allow your children to not be confused for their own future relationships and parenting. I pray so hard for all of these children who live in split-blended families, especially those who cannot seem to come to peaceful agreements. Blessings to you reader!


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