Stop False Allegations in Family Custody Courts
California needs to hold Judges and Mediators more Accountable to STOP "False Allegations !!"
I am a true American. Raised by a homemaker mother and a hard working father. They both lived by the honesty code, as most Americans from the 50's did. When I was younger their honesty would sometimes drive me crazy. Now as a grandmother of 4, and a mother of a son going through a nasty divorce. I have come face to face how some people will lie on top of lie without blinking an eye. Yet I never had any doubt that I would find help with our Family Court System, what a disappointing shock I was in for. It started in early 2000 when he decide to ended an eight year marriage to a very pretty and loving Latina girl. She seem like the perfect wife, good enough mother, with some difficulty with the English language and difficulty with her American Spanish,but still quick to smile. She was caught in a world of limbo, because she could not read in either language very well and could not write in the Spanish language. She seem content to be a homemaker, and working part time in a child care center. One day my son had left his wife of eight years, it had turned out that she was abusive verbally and physically. He had taken his last hit from her which was displayed in front of their young two year old. Now, I was praying daily, that something would happen and they could mend their ways. Their middle child would stay with me quite often. Three or four days every other week. I grew very attached to my second born grandchild and he grew very attached to me. I knew I was in the winner circle with him, when he brought his favorite towel to my house and stuffed in my dresser drawer.
It was as if leaving the towel here would fix him a permanent spot in my home. I never dreamed that my close relationship with my daughter in law would turn so ugly and bitter. It did, and I was shell shocked. In Divorce there are no winners and the children hurt the greatest. My grandchild was ripped from my life with out the mother even glancing back. What happened, when somebody loves you, don't they always love you.
I guess not. The process this divorce was directed towards me, as if I was the reason the marriage failed. I suffered extreme emotional pain, weight loss and struggle through the maze of her rude lies against me. Her threats of cutting me off completely were accomplished with her snarling face bidding me goodbye forever.
However, I had great faith in my American California Court. And I plan to share with you my victories, failings, frustrations and hope through a System that can let you down. However, Know your rights, know the law and remember the Judge most likely has not had time to read your full case. A seasoned attorney, knows how to get your facts seen and heard. It may cost, but get a trial set-up if you have evidence and facts that need the Judges full attention, a trial is the only way to place it right in front of the Judge. It is true the Judges do not want to rule on perjury, because there is this "white elephant" in the Family Court System that holds the silent belief that all couples lie in Divorce and child custody cases.
That was another eye opener for me, I thought that when "I swear to tell the truth the whole truth, so help me God" or however they political correct way to say it.....met you don't lie or you will meet the consequence of your actions with some punishment if you do. Our Family Court System is slowly becoming a joke, that ruin the lives of children and fathers because "false Allegation" is so darn easy to do for a pathological liar.
False Allegation of child abuse and neglect that are unfounded or false then you need to get in contact with the local District Attorney and ask for prosecution for making a false police report. If you can prove false statements were made in court papers under penalty of perjury by the accuser then you also need to contact the police and make a report for perjury and then contact the District Attorney for prosecution for these crimes. If the District Attorney decides to prosecute (highly unlikely, because of "cut-backs"and troubling to those accused) then you can sue the accuser for restitution.
So here in my wonderful state of Southern California, Family law Judge has shown Biased and ignored California law and took a great big bite out my faith in the California Family Court System. I can not fully blame the Judge, they are over loaded with cases, and rely on the Mediators and others to do their parts according to the law and the best interest of the children being the main focus. When my son was short served in his custody case, he could not find remedy or how to find a new Judge and Mediator to hear his case. he did an ex-parte proving that his estrange wife had committed perjury and use false allegations to temporary remove the children from his life. After serving his many months of supervised 2 hour visits, his court date where he was to prove the false allegations were totally ignored by the Judge! Shocked , but not surprised, the Judge had a 65 couples scheduled to see in that one day! The Judge had placed his ruling on the recommendation of social worker mediator who had it in for my son, and did not gather the proper facts or even stay within her scope of practice. When all was said and done, my son's 50/50 child custody for the former 24 months was reduced to a week-end dad in the 15 minutes it took the Judge to ignore the pictures and proof of neglect and only saw a Mexican mother . Right now, being anything but Mexican works against you. The fear of encounter an illegal in California are a hot potato that Judges are just to afraid to touch (she is not illegal, her speech leads one to believe she might be. she not, she is street smart and knows the welfare game well). My son, attorney and I worked diligently preparing the ex-parte showing proof of false allegation. The non-impartial report by the mediator and biased against him by the judge , the primary custody went to the parent "least likely" to keep the other parent informed. See , folks, it is the Law that if you are awarded Primary Custody, then you must keep the other parent updated on all medical , educational and dental reports and records. It is intrusion on your personal time, but if you do not want this task, then you do not want "Primary" custody. It is extremely heart breaking to see so many mother's turn so evil with the fight for Primary, and then continues to leave the father out of the planning of school, medical and dental needs arise. Judges or Mediators need to explain or create a hand-out that explains in detail what the Primary parent is Court Ordered to DO. In my son case, the other parent was making her own rules and laws to follow, and she never paid any consequences for her violation of Court Orders. She decided whether he earned the right to Court Ordered phone contact with his children! What was my son supposed to do, take her to Court ever time she was in contempt of a Court Order? Some would say yes, I would agree, ONLY, and I mean only if you have a Seasoned Father's right-Marriage Certificate-Family Court attorney. And these Attorneys will not be cheap. But, it is your life and your childrens right to have you in their lives in a meaningful equal time as the mother. Research has more then once prove that children of all developmental stages need equal time with both parents.
It felt like Our assigned Judge did not care about the well being of my grandchildren, he just awarded "Primary" custody to the mother that used false allegation to place the father under a negative light and then, he took all legal and sole custody and gave it to the mother, not even granting my son his due process in 21, what we were told by our busy attorney,not to worry we will have our day in Court. He uprooted 4 children out of stable situation and place them in a totally chaotic and unstructured home of neglect and alcohol use. Every weekend during his Saturday 2 hour supervised visit, there was a new scars, scab, cut, welts, scratch, bump, burns and most recently a walnut size lump in the middle of his youngest child's forehead. The ex-parte was ignored, the children getting hurt weekly just did not seem as bad as the fathers two made-up injuries in 24 months that were deemed so bad, requiring supervised visit for 3 month length of time. Ouch, the children suffered the most, through this time of separation.
I am going to outline the step that my son, attorney and I are going to do to fix this shameful miscarriage of justice. See all the players in the Family Court do have rules, regulations, codes and Case law that must be used with the facts of the case. That is the very thing you need to do, is start interviewing attorneys. Find one that is a nice fit, you will be with him/her for quite a while. And documentation must become second nature to you. Protect yourself, record yourself when talking to your ex or during the exchange of your children. When falsely accused of screaming at her or threatening her, a recording hearing your voice at least, prove you drop off or pickup and left. Remember to que your tape with the date, day and time, maybe even where you are at that time to add to your documentation. Protective Children Services and Police say documentation is important in this time of financial cut-backs that are haunted California.
I have tried to write daily, my mother's health decline rapidly and I had to help her. I hope to get back on track and share what my son had to do to set the record straight and be heard for his children's sake. If you would like to be contacted regarding petitions for changing the law to protect father's and children's right to equal time, send me your email address through the contact me message here on my Squidoo page.
HELP-What do I do-other Parent filed False Allegations of child abuse/ Part 1
What Not DO, If You are Falsely Accused
False Allegations is an illegal action, yet it is thriving in our California courts simply because the Court System players are not following the legal regulations, codes and case law. And once the System starts down the wrong illegal path, it is hard to stop, because each department is understaffed and overloaded with cases, that it is easy to just go with the flow. And California is in a financial burden and funding problems, the Courts feel the squeeze, the mercy for the parent that finds them self in the middle of a False Allegations. Perjury is very hard to prove, and courts hate to rule on them. And now, that I have been personal slammed by this overburden system, I am determine to help other victims to find the remedy for this gross and painful miscarriage of justice.
False Allegations in family Court Child Custody Cases is as common as the liars that make them ! A word for our State California, it is trying to
fix the problems that plague the Family Court System. In fact
If you are falsely accused DO NOT
1) NEVER-Ignore the false allegations, just because YOU know it is not true. This is a huge mistake not taking an allegation of child abuse, child neglect, and especially child sexual abuse (also referred to; child molestation). Knowing you did nothing wrong and are not guilty, will not make the false allegations go away or magically disappear. You may well be in for the fight of your life.
2) NEVER- React ! The false allegations will make you furious, but Stop, Breath and Stay Rational. Over-reacting by blowing up, screaming, sending threaten texts, or emails can only hurt your case more. Remember, this is a False Allegation, yes..I feel you, I am there now, however going off the deep end will only confirm in the minds of the Court team that it most be true. Plus, you give the lying accuser more ammunition to use against you. Believe me, my son told the mediator, "of course, I am furious, she got temporary custody because she falsely accused me of child abuse". The mediator wrote in his report that the father is still angry and therefore, I recommend longer time period of Supervised visit, until his anger is under control. The Court System follow each other leads, maybe even covering each others backs. My point is, that my sons anger, although rational in the human sense, hurt him. Being angry is NORMAL, just keep it under wraps, only expresses with the most trusted family and friends that understand your situation. This is the time for you to begin preparing a positive and an active defense. This is your LIFE, and your CHILDREN lives, and NOBODY has the right to interfere with your lawful parenting/child time. You may not feel it right now, but pour over everything that you can think of to start you down the paper trail that proves the false allegations. Sometimes, it can seem easy, we had proof, and still the Court System choose to not rule, and give her primary custody and my son week ends. So, I am learning what the next step will be.
3) NEVER-Take it personal. Humans can be very quirky beings, and think, gee if someone has accused you there must be some facts to it. It is almost certain that some humans will immediately and automatically see allegations as true and therefore- guilty. I hear this constantly from my son, "What happened to innocent until proven guilty?" These cases are different than any other criminal case, mainly because of the emotions involved when child custody and child safety is at the center of everyone's heart. The belief supporting this is that many believe a child is incapable of lying, however, they are forgetting it is not the accusing, it is the other parent. Once they understand that it is a Child Custody war,
most start to understand a bit.
4) NEVER- Speculate or guess about anything, you can only answer for yourself , and it is highly recommended not to go pro per(represent yourself). If a representative of social services or law enforcement want to speak to you ask to have your attorney or representative be present too. Hiring an attorney is not admitting guilt, as you will hear many say, with false allegations, and our out of control Court System, you can not leave it to chance. They say there are attorneys willing to take cases pro bono (no charge), if you find one please let me know. I have look for the pass three months, and can not find such person.
5) NEVER- Rush to retain an attorney . This is very important case, your life and childrens and you want a very well trained and father's rights advocate attorney. Remember, Father's rights Attorney focus on the rights of Fathers to be in their childrens lives and are very knowledgeable about the out control process of False Allegations. I believe that father's rights or parents rights attorney understand that there is a special need of expertise to win over a Court that still is not Gender Blind. Even though California is said to be supporting legal path for fathers in the child custody issues, there is still old belief held by Family Child Custody staff that the children belong with the mother. If I could do over again, I would first interview, research and talk to others thought on about 19 different lawyers. In your interview ask how many False Allegations cases have they done. Experience is key too. probably all would say they have experience defending False Allegation, so ask how many or what percentage of their case work load has False Allegations. And of course, what was the results. by asking the proper questions when you meet with the attorney, you can determine if they are being honest, or simply need more business. This is your life, your rights and your childrens rights that you are putting in the hands of another, make sure to take the time and select your lawyer with armed with what you want and need .
6) NEVER-Give up things will be a battle and a big pain in more ways then one. Stay active and involve in helping the attorney clear your name. And do not take it as not important. So many False Allegations that were taken to lightly, and all rights had been taken away to then realize how serious their case was. This happen to me, my son, did not think he had to worry, it not true. His attorney, obviously , not well rehearsed in false allegations and fathers rights, because he did not come prepared and the Mediator and Judge did not follow regulations, codes or case law, and my son loss his 50/50 and was deemed weekend dad in 30 minutes court session. A lot of things my son and I both learned from this painful experience, is that a fathers rights attorney is a MOST. Not seeing my grandchildren for three months practical killed me. Only thing that kept me sane, was the pictures my son would to me from his two hour supervision visits. So today, NOW, If you have been accused, consider the day the false allegation is section "A.". Assuming the case goes full circle, section "Z" would be the Judges ruling, unless the Family Court team and judge really missed the boat, then you would weigh the options to taking it to the appellate court. An appellate court is any court of law that is empowered to hear an appeal of a trial court. This is very expensive, but it is your life and if justice was not served, it may be well worth it. In our case, the family court team did not rule on it and so in essences rewarded the other parent for the false allegations.
7) NEVER- Let anyone ever tell you that a false allegation cannot become a civil problem as well as criminal. Humans like I said before, are quirky beings, and anything is possible, especially when it starts out with lying.
California Rules of Court -2010- Armed with Knowledge
Court-connected child custody mediation Rules, Training and Qualifications
Rule 5.210. Court-connected child custody mediation
This rule of court is adopted under article VI, section 6 of the California Constitution and Family Code sections 211, 3160, and 3162(a).
This rule sets forth standards of practice and administration for court-connected child custody mediation services that are consistent with the requirements of Family Code section 3161.
(1)"Best interest of the child" is defined in Family Code section 3011.
(2)"Parenting plan" is a plan describing how parents or other appropriate parties will share and divide their decision making and caretaking responsibilities to protect the health, safety, welfare, and best interest of each child who is a subject of the proceedings.
(d) Responsibility for mediation services
(1)Each court must ensure that:
(A)Mediators are impartial, competent, and uphold the standards of practice contained in this rule of court.
(B)Mediation services and case management procedures implement state law and allow sufficient time for parties to receive orientation, participate fully in mediation, and develop a comprehensive parenting plan without unduly compromising each party's right to due process and a timely resolution of the issues.
(C)Mediation services demonstrate accountability by:
(i)Providing for acceptance of and response to complaints about a mediator's performance;
(ii)Participating in statewide data collection efforts; and
(iii)Disclosing the use of interns to provide mediation services.
(D)The mediation program uses a detailed intake process that screens for, and informs the mediator about, any restraining orders or safety-related issues affecting any party or child named in the proceedings to allow compliance with relevant law or court rules before mediation begins.
(E)Whenever possible, mediation is available from bilingual mediators or other interpreter services that meet the requirements of Evidence Code sections 754(f) and 755(a) and section 18 of the California Standards of Judicial Administration.
(F)Mediation services protect, in accordance with existing law, party confidentiality in:
(i)Storage and disposal of records and any personal information accumulated during the mediation process;
(ii)Interagency coordination or cooperation regarding a particular family or case; and
(iii)Management of child abuse reports and related documents.
(G)Mediation services provide a written description of limitations on the confidentiality of the process.
(H)Within one year of the adoption of this rule, the court adopts a local court rule regarding ex parte communications.
(2)Each court-connected mediator must:
(A)Maintain an overriding concern to integrate the child's best interest within the family context;
(B)Inform the parties and any counsel for a minor child if the mediator will make a recommendation to the court as provided under Family Code section 3184; and
(C)Use reasonable efforts and consider safety issues to:
(i)Facilitate the family's transition and reduce acrimony by helping the parties improve their communication skills, focus on the child's needs and areas of stability, identify the family's strengths, and locate counseling or other services;
(ii)Develop a comprehensive parenting agreement that addresses each child's current and future developmental needs; and
(iii)Control for potential power imbalances between the parties during mediation.
(Subd (d) amended effective January 1, 2007; previously amended effective January 1, 2002, and January 1, 2003.)
(e) Mediation process
All court-connected mediation processes must be conducted in accordance with state law and include:
(1)Review of the intake form and court file, if available, before the start of mediation;
(2)Oral or written orientation or parent education that facilitates the parties' informed and self-determined decision making about:
(A)The types of disputed issues generally discussed in mediation and the range of possible outcomes from the mediation process;
(B)The mediation process, including the mediator's role; the circumstances that may lead the mediator to make a particular recommendation to the court; limitations on the confidentiality of the process; and access to information communicated by the parties or included in the mediation file;
(C)How to make best use of information drawn from current research and professional experience to facilitate the mediation process, parties' communication, and co-parenting relationship; and
(D)How to address each child's current and future developmental needs;
(3)Interviews with children at the mediator's discretion and consistent with Family Code section 3180(a). The mediator may interview the child alone or together with other interested parties, including stepparents, siblings, new or step-siblings, or other family members significant to the child. If interviewing a child, the mediator must:
(A)Inform the child in an age-appropriate way of the mediator's obligation to disclose suspected child abuse and neglect and the local policies concerning disclosure of the child's statements to the court; and
(B)With parental consent, coordinate interview and information exchange among agency or private professionals to reduce the number of interviews a child might experience;
(4)Assistance to the parties, without undue influence or personal bias, in developing a parenting plan that protects the health, safety, welfare, and best interest of the child and that optimizes the child's relationship with each party by including, as appropriate, provisions for supervised visitation in high-risk cases; designations for legal and physical custody; a description of each party's authority to make decisions that affect the child; language that minimizes legal, mental health, or other jargon; and a detailed schedule of the time a child is to spend with each party, including vacations, holidays, and special occasions, and times when the child's contact with a party may be interrupted;
(5)Extension of time to allow the parties to gather additional information if the mediator determines that such information will help the discussion proceed in a fair and orderly manner or facilitate an agreement;
(6)Suspension or discontinuance of mediation if allegations of child abuse or neglect are made until a designated agency performs an investigation and reports a case determination to the mediator;
(7)Termination of mediation if the mediator believes that he or she is unable to achieve a balanced discussion between the parties;
(8)Conclusion of mediation with:
(A)A written parenting plan summarizing the parties' agreement or mediator's recommendation that is given to counsel or the parties before the recommendation is presented to the court; and
(B)A written or oral description of any subsequent case management or court procedures for resolving one or more outstanding custody or visitation issues, including instructions for obtaining temporary orders;
(9)Return to mediation to resolve future custody or visitation disputes.
(Subd (e) amended effective January 1, 2007; previously amended effective January 1, 2003.)
(f) Training, continuing education, and experience requirements for mediator, mediation supervisor, and family court services director
As specified in Family Code sections 1815 and 1816:
(1)All mediators, mediation supervisors, and family court service directors must:
(A)Complete a minimum of 40 hours of custody and visitation mediation training within the first six months of initial employment as a court-connected mediator;
(B)Annually complete 8 hours of related continuing education programs, conferences, and workshops. This requirement is in addition to the annual 4-hour domestic violence update training described in rule 5.215; and
(C)Participate in performance supervision and peer review.
(2)Each mediation supervisor and family court services director must complete at least 24 hours of additional training each calendar year. This requirement may be satisfied in part by the domestic violence training required by Family Code section 1816.
(Subd (f) amended effective January 1, 2005; previously amended effective January 1, 2003.)
(g) Education and training providers
Only education and training acquired from eligible providers meet the requirements of this rule. "Eligible providers" includes the Administrative Office of the Courts and may include educational institutions, professional associations, professional continuing education groups, public or private for-profit or not-for-profit groups, and court-connected groups.
(1)Eligible providers must:
(A)Ensure that the training instructors or consultants delivering the education and training programs either meet the requirements of this rule or are experts in the subject matter;
(B)Monitor and evaluate the quality of courses, curricula, training, instructors, and consultants;
(C)Emphasize the importance of focusing child custody mediations on the health, safety, welfare, and best interest of the child;
(D)Develop a procedure to verify that participants complete the education and training program; and
(E)Distribute a certificate of completion to each person who has completed the training. The certificate must document the number of hours of training offered, the number of hours the person completed, the dates of the training, and the name of the training provider.
(2)Effective July 1, 2005, all education and training programs must be approved by the Administrative Office of the Courts.
(Subd (g) adopted effective January 1, 2005.)
Mediation must be conducted in an atmosphere that encourages trust in the process and a perception of fairness. To that end, mediators must:
(1)Meet the practice and ethical standards of the Code of Ethics for the Court Employees of California and of related law;
(2)Maintain objectivity, provide and gather balanced information for both parties, and control for
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Victim of Parental Alienation
A grown woman shares the effects of parental alienation during her childhood.
Red Flags for Family Courts to Consider
Any parent coming to family court wanting sole custody should be suspect of parent alienation ( The act of alienating or the condition of being alienated; estrangement:). These parents that want sole custody, never have the children best interest mind, only revenge.
I am not talking about women or men who truly are battered victims, with the CPS reports, Police reports and/or Hospital reports. I am a child advocate. I do not in anyway condone or support battering of anybody. However, my research has produced facts that true battered men and women are a few percent, and have the documentation set forth that had been going on the duration of the relationship.
Parents that practice "parent alienation", have no history proof during the marriage, no CPS report history, no hospital reports, and no police reports. They do not even have a restraining order and never did. I am not talking about the attempts to make these reports with other lies, that is documentation that protects the target parent.
There are many Petitions to help Father's Rights, Children's Rights, and Grandparent's Rights. Any of these petitions will help legislation to form stronger regulations and laws to punish those that use False Allegations to gain full and sometime sole custody of children. These self-center individuals do not care about their children, they only care about hurting or destroying the relationship of their children with the other parent. My own personal experience, has sicken me to think that others will walk this same helpless road paved by dishonest and hateful people that lack the insight to see that their behavior is hurtful and destructive in the long term to their children.