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Stop False Allegations in Family Custody Courts

Updated on October 13, 2012

California needs to hold Judges and Mediators more Accountable to STOP "False Allegations !!"

I am a true American. Raised by a homemaker mother and a hard working father. They both lived by the honesty code, as most Americans from the 50's did. When I was younger their honesty would sometimes drive me crazy. Now as a grandmother of 4, and a mother of a son going through a nasty divorce. I have come face to face how some people will lie on top of lie without blinking an eye. Yet I never had any doubt that I would find help with our Family Court System, what a disappointing shock I was in for. It started in early 2000 when he decide to ended an eight year marriage to a very pretty and loving Latina girl. She seem like the perfect wife, good enough mother, with some difficulty with the English language and difficulty with her American Spanish,but still quick to smile. She was caught in a world of limbo, because she could not read in either language very well and could not write in the Spanish language. She seem content to be a homemaker, and working part time in a child care center. One day my son had left his wife of eight years, it had turned out that she was abusive verbally and physically. He had taken his last hit from her which was displayed in front of their young two year old. Now, I was praying daily, that something would happen and they could mend their ways. Their middle child would stay with me quite often. Three or four days every other week. I grew very attached to my second born grandchild and he grew very attached to me. I knew I was in the winner circle with him, when he brought his favorite towel to my house and stuffed in my dresser drawer.

It was as if leaving the towel here would fix him a permanent spot in my home. I never dreamed that my close relationship with my daughter in law would turn so ugly and bitter. It did, and I was shell shocked. In Divorce there are no winners and the children hurt the greatest. My grandchild was ripped from my life with out the mother even glancing back. What happened, when somebody loves you, don't they always love you.

I guess not. The process this divorce was directed towards me, as if I was the reason the marriage failed. I suffered extreme emotional pain, weight loss and struggle through the maze of her rude lies against me. Her threats of cutting me off completely were accomplished with her snarling face bidding me goodbye forever.

However, I had great faith in my American California Court. And I plan to share with you my victories, failings, frustrations and hope through a System that can let you down. However, Know your rights, know the law and remember the Judge most likely has not had time to read your full case. A seasoned attorney, knows how to get your facts seen and heard. It may cost, but get a trial set-up if you have evidence and facts that need the Judges full attention, a trial is the only way to place it right in front of the Judge. It is true the Judges do not want to rule on perjury, because there is this "white elephant" in the Family Court System that holds the silent belief that all couples lie in Divorce and child custody cases.

That was another eye opener for me, I thought that when "I swear to tell the truth the whole truth, so help me God" or however they political correct way to say it.....met you don't lie or you will meet the consequence of your actions with some punishment if you do. Our Family Court System is slowly becoming a joke, that ruin the lives of children and fathers because "false Allegation" is so darn easy to do for a pathological liar.

False Allegation of child abuse and neglect that are unfounded or false then you need to get in contact with the local District Attorney and ask for prosecution for making a false police report. If you can prove false statements were made in court papers under penalty of perjury by the accuser then you also need to contact the police and make a report for perjury and then contact the District Attorney for prosecution for these crimes. If the District Attorney decides to prosecute (highly unlikely, because of "cut-backs"and troubling to those accused) then you can sue the accuser for restitution.

So here in my wonderful state of Southern California, Family law Judge has shown Biased and ignored California law and took a great big bite out my faith in the California Family Court System. I can not fully blame the Judge, they are over loaded with cases, and rely on the Mediators and others to do their parts according to the law and the best interest of the children being the main focus. When my son was short served in his custody case, he could not find remedy or how to find a new Judge and Mediator to hear his case. he did an ex-parte proving that his estrange wife had committed perjury and use false allegations to temporary remove the children from his life. After serving his many months of supervised 2 hour visits, his court date where he was to prove the false allegations were totally ignored by the Judge! Shocked , but not surprised, the Judge had a 65 couples scheduled to see in that one day! The Judge had placed his ruling on the recommendation of social worker mediator who had it in for my son, and did not gather the proper facts or even stay within her scope of practice. When all was said and done, my son's 50/50 child custody for the former 24 months was reduced to a week-end dad in the 15 minutes it took the Judge to ignore the pictures and proof of neglect and only saw a Mexican mother . Right now, being anything but Mexican works against you. The fear of encounter an illegal in California are a hot potato that Judges are just to afraid to touch (she is not illegal, her speech leads one to believe she might be. she not, she is street smart and knows the welfare game well). My son, attorney and I worked diligently preparing the ex-parte showing proof of false allegation. The non-impartial report by the mediator and biased against him by the judge , the primary custody went to the parent "least likely" to keep the other parent informed. See , folks, it is the Law that if you are awarded Primary Custody, then you must keep the other parent updated on all medical , educational and dental reports and records. It is intrusion on your personal time, but if you do not want this task, then you do not want "Primary" custody. It is extremely heart breaking to see so many mother's turn so evil with the fight for Primary, and then continues to leave the father out of the planning of school, medical and dental needs arise. Judges or Mediators need to explain or create a hand-out that explains in detail what the Primary parent is Court Ordered to DO. In my son case, the other parent was making her own rules and laws to follow, and she never paid any consequences for her violation of Court Orders. She decided whether he earned the right to Court Ordered phone contact with his children! What was my son supposed to do, take her to Court ever time she was in contempt of a Court Order? Some would say yes, I would agree, ONLY, and I mean only if you have a Seasoned Father's right-Marriage Certificate-Family Court attorney. And these Attorneys will not be cheap. But, it is your life and your childrens right to have you in their lives in a meaningful equal time as the mother. Research has more then once prove that children of all developmental stages need equal time with both parents.

It felt like Our assigned Judge did not care about the well being of my grandchildren, he just awarded "Primary" custody to the mother that used false allegation to place the father under a negative light and then, he took all legal and sole custody and gave it to the mother, not even granting my son his due process in 21, what we were told by our busy attorney,not to worry we will have our day in Court. He uprooted 4 children out of stable situation and place them in a totally chaotic and unstructured home of neglect and alcohol use. Every weekend during his Saturday 2 hour supervised visit, there was a new scars, scab, cut, welts, scratch, bump, burns and most recently a walnut size lump in the middle of his youngest child's forehead. The ex-parte was ignored, the children getting hurt weekly just did not seem as bad as the fathers two made-up injuries in 24 months that were deemed so bad, requiring supervised visit for 3 month length of time. Ouch, the children suffered the most, through this time of separation.

I am going to outline the step that my son, attorney and I are going to do to fix this shameful miscarriage of justice. See all the players in the Family Court do have rules, regulations, codes and Case law that must be used with the facts of the case. That is the very thing you need to do, is start interviewing attorneys. Find one that is a nice fit, you will be with him/her for quite a while. And documentation must become second nature to you. Protect yourself, record yourself when talking to your ex or during the exchange of your children. When falsely accused of screaming at her or threatening her, a recording hearing your voice at least, prove you drop off or pickup and left. Remember to que your tape with the date, day and time, maybe even where you are at that time to add to your documentation. Protective Children Services and Police say documentation is important in this time of financial cut-backs that are haunted California.

I have tried to write daily, my mother's health decline rapidly and I had to help her. I hope to get back on track and share what my son had to do to set the record straight and be heard for his children's sake. If you would like to be contacted regarding petitions for changing the law to protect father's and children's right to equal time, send me your email address through the contact me message here on my Squidoo page.

HELP-What do I do-other Parent filed False Allegations of child abuse/ Part 1

What Not DO, If You are Falsely Accused

False Allegations is an illegal action, yet it is thriving in our California courts simply because the Court System players are not following the legal regulations, codes and case law. And once the System starts down the wrong illegal path, it is hard to stop, because each department is understaffed and overloaded with cases, that it is easy to just go with the flow. And California is in a financial burden and funding problems, the Courts feel the squeeze, the mercy for the parent that finds them self in the middle of a False Allegations. Perjury is very hard to prove, and courts hate to rule on them. And now, that I have been personal slammed by this overburden system, I am determine to help other victims to find the remedy for this gross and painful miscarriage of justice.

False Allegations in family Court Child Custody Cases is as common as the liars that make them ! A word for our State California, it is trying to

fix the problems that plague the Family Court System. In fact

If you are falsely accused DO NOT

1) NEVER-Ignore the false allegations, just because YOU know it is not true. This is a huge mistake not taking an allegation of child abuse, child neglect, and especially child sexual abuse (also referred to; child molestation). Knowing you did nothing wrong and are not guilty, will not make the false allegations go away or magically disappear. You may well be in for the fight of your life.

2) NEVER- React ! The false allegations will make you furious, but Stop, Breath and Stay Rational. Over-reacting by blowing up, screaming, sending threaten texts, or emails can only hurt your case more. Remember, this is a False Allegation, yes..I feel you, I am there now, however going off the deep end will only confirm in the minds of the Court team that it most be true. Plus, you give the lying accuser more ammunition to use against you. Believe me, my son told the mediator, "of course, I am furious, she got temporary custody because she falsely accused me of child abuse". The mediator wrote in his report that the father is still angry and therefore, I recommend longer time period of Supervised visit, until his anger is under control. The Court System follow each other leads, maybe even covering each others backs. My point is, that my sons anger, although rational in the human sense, hurt him. Being angry is NORMAL, just keep it under wraps, only expresses with the most trusted family and friends that understand your situation. This is the time for you to begin preparing a positive and an active defense. This is your LIFE, and your CHILDREN lives, and NOBODY has the right to interfere with your lawful parenting/child time. You may not feel it right now, but pour over everything that you can think of to start you down the paper trail that proves the false allegations. Sometimes, it can seem easy, we had proof, and still the Court System choose to not rule, and give her primary custody and my son week ends. So, I am learning what the next step will be.

3) NEVER-Take it personal. Humans can be very quirky beings, and think, gee if someone has accused you there must be some facts to it. It is almost certain that some humans will immediately and automatically see allegations as true and therefore- guilty. I hear this constantly from my son, "What happened to innocent until proven guilty?" These cases are different than any other criminal case, mainly because of the emotions involved when child custody and child safety is at the center of everyone's heart. The belief supporting this is that many believe a child is incapable of lying, however, they are forgetting it is not the accusing, it is the other parent. Once they understand that it is a Child Custody war,

most start to understand a bit.

4) NEVER- Speculate or guess about anything, you can only answer for yourself , and it is highly recommended not to go pro per(represent yourself). If a representative of social services or law enforcement want to speak to you ask to have your attorney or representative be present too. Hiring an attorney is not admitting guilt, as you will hear many say, with false allegations, and our out of control Court System, you can not leave it to chance. They say there are attorneys willing to take cases pro bono (no charge), if you find one please let me know. I have look for the pass three months, and can not find such person.

5) NEVER- Rush to retain an attorney . This is very important case, your life and childrens and you want a very well trained and father's rights advocate attorney. Remember, Father's rights Attorney focus on the rights of Fathers to be in their childrens lives and are very knowledgeable about the out control process of False Allegations. I believe that father's rights or parents rights attorney understand that there is a special need of expertise to win over a Court that still is not Gender Blind. Even though California is said to be supporting legal path for fathers in the child custody issues, there is still old belief held by Family Child Custody staff that the children belong with the mother. If I could do over again, I would first interview, research and talk to others thought on about 19 different lawyers. In your interview ask how many False Allegations cases have they done. Experience is key too. probably all would say they have experience defending False Allegation, so ask how many or what percentage of their case work load has False Allegations. And of course, what was the results. by asking the proper questions when you meet with the attorney, you can determine if they are being honest, or simply need more business. This is your life, your rights and your childrens rights that you are putting in the hands of another, make sure to take the time and select your lawyer with armed with what you want and need .

6) NEVER-Give up things will be a battle and a big pain in more ways then one. Stay active and involve in helping the attorney clear your name. And do not take it as not important. So many False Allegations that were taken to lightly, and all rights had been taken away to then realize how serious their case was. This happen to me, my son, did not think he had to worry, it not true. His attorney, obviously , not well rehearsed in false allegations and fathers rights, because he did not come prepared and the Mediator and Judge did not follow regulations, codes or case law, and my son loss his 50/50 and was deemed weekend dad in 30 minutes court session. A lot of things my son and I both learned from this painful experience, is that a fathers rights attorney is a MOST. Not seeing my grandchildren for three months practical killed me. Only thing that kept me sane, was the pictures my son would to me from his two hour supervision visits. So today, NOW, If you have been accused, consider the day the false allegation is section "A.". Assuming the case goes full circle, section "Z" would be the Judges ruling, unless the Family Court team and judge really missed the boat, then you would weigh the options to taking it to the appellate court. An appellate court is any court of law that is empowered to hear an appeal of a trial court. This is very expensive, but it is your life and if justice was not served, it may be well worth it. In our case, the family court team did not rule on it and so in essences rewarded the other parent for the false allegations.

7) NEVER- Let anyone ever tell you that a false allegation cannot become a civil problem as well as criminal. Humans like I said before, are quirky beings, and anything is possible, especially when it starts out with lying.

California Rules of Court -2010- Armed with Knowledge

Court-connected child custody mediation Rules, Training and Qualifications

Rule 5.210. Court-connected child custody mediation

(a) Authority

This rule of court is adopted under article VI, section 6 of the California Constitution and Family Code sections 211, 3160, and 3162(a).

(b) Purpose

This rule sets forth standards of practice and administration for court-connected child custody mediation services that are consistent with the requirements of Family Code section 3161.

(c) Definitions

(1)"Best interest of the child" is defined in Family Code section 3011.

(2)"Parenting plan" is a plan describing how parents or other appropriate parties will share and divide their decision making and caretaking responsibilities to protect the health, safety, welfare, and best interest of each child who is a subject of the proceedings.

(d) Responsibility for mediation services

(1)Each court must ensure that:

(A)Mediators are impartial, competent, and uphold the standards of practice contained in this rule of court.

(B)Mediation services and case management procedures implement state law and allow sufficient time for parties to receive orientation, participate fully in mediation, and develop a comprehensive parenting plan without unduly compromising each party's right to due process and a timely resolution of the issues.

(C)Mediation services demonstrate accountability by:

(i)Providing for acceptance of and response to complaints about a mediator's performance;

(ii)Participating in statewide data collection efforts; and

(iii)Disclosing the use of interns to provide mediation services.

(D)The mediation program uses a detailed intake process that screens for, and informs the mediator about, any restraining orders or safety-related issues affecting any party or child named in the proceedings to allow compliance with relevant law or court rules before mediation begins.

(E)Whenever possible, mediation is available from bilingual mediators or other interpreter services that meet the requirements of Evidence Code sections 754(f) and 755(a) and section 18 of the California Standards of Judicial Administration.

(F)Mediation services protect, in accordance with existing law, party confidentiality in:

(i)Storage and disposal of records and any personal information accumulated during the mediation process;

(ii)Interagency coordination or cooperation regarding a particular family or case; and

(iii)Management of child abuse reports and related documents.

(G)Mediation services provide a written description of limitations on the confidentiality of the process.

(H)Within one year of the adoption of this rule, the court adopts a local court rule regarding ex parte communications.

(2)Each court-connected mediator must:

(A)Maintain an overriding concern to integrate the child's best interest within the family context;

(B)Inform the parties and any counsel for a minor child if the mediator will make a recommendation to the court as provided under Family Code section 3184; and

(C)Use reasonable efforts and consider safety issues to:

(i)Facilitate the family's transition and reduce acrimony by helping the parties improve their communication skills, focus on the child's needs and areas of stability, identify the family's strengths, and locate counseling or other services;

(ii)Develop a comprehensive parenting agreement that addresses each child's current and future developmental needs; and

(iii)Control for potential power imbalances between the parties during mediation.

(Subd (d) amended effective January 1, 2007; previously amended effective January 1, 2002, and January 1, 2003.)

(e) Mediation process

All court-connected mediation processes must be conducted in accordance with state law and include:

(1)Review of the intake form and court file, if available, before the start of mediation;

(2)Oral or written orientation or parent education that facilitates the parties' informed and self-determined decision making about:

(A)The types of disputed issues generally discussed in mediation and the range of possible outcomes from the mediation process;

(B)The mediation process, including the mediator's role; the circumstances that may lead the mediator to make a particular recommendation to the court; limitations on the confidentiality of the process; and access to information communicated by the parties or included in the mediation file;

(C)How to make best use of information drawn from current research and professional experience to facilitate the mediation process, parties' communication, and co-parenting relationship; and

(D)How to address each child's current and future developmental needs;

(3)Interviews with children at the mediator's discretion and consistent with Family Code section 3180(a). The mediator may interview the child alone or together with other interested parties, including stepparents, siblings, new or step-siblings, or other family members significant to the child. If interviewing a child, the mediator must:

(A)Inform the child in an age-appropriate way of the mediator's obligation to disclose suspected child abuse and neglect and the local policies concerning disclosure of the child's statements to the court; and

(B)With parental consent, coordinate interview and information exchange among agency or private professionals to reduce the number of interviews a child might experience;

(4)Assistance to the parties, without undue influence or personal bias, in developing a parenting plan that protects the health, safety, welfare, and best interest of the child and that optimizes the child's relationship with each party by including, as appropriate, provisions for supervised visitation in high-risk cases; designations for legal and physical custody; a description of each party's authority to make decisions that affect the child; language that minimizes legal, mental health, or other jargon; and a detailed schedule of the time a child is to spend with each party, including vacations, holidays, and special occasions, and times when the child's contact with a party may be interrupted;

(5)Extension of time to allow the parties to gather additional information if the mediator determines that such information will help the discussion proceed in a fair and orderly manner or facilitate an agreement;

(6)Suspension or discontinuance of mediation if allegations of child abuse or neglect are made until a designated agency performs an investigation and reports a case determination to the mediator;

(7)Termination of mediation if the mediator believes that he or she is unable to achieve a balanced discussion between the parties;

(8)Conclusion of mediation with:

(A)A written parenting plan summarizing the parties' agreement or mediator's recommendation that is given to counsel or the parties before the recommendation is presented to the court; and

(B)A written or oral description of any subsequent case management or court procedures for resolving one or more outstanding custody or visitation issues, including instructions for obtaining temporary orders;

(9)Return to mediation to resolve future custody or visitation disputes.

(Subd (e) amended effective January 1, 2007; previously amended effective January 1, 2003.)

(f) Training, continuing education, and experience requirements for mediator, mediation supervisor, and family court services director

As specified in Family Code sections 1815 and 1816:

(1)All mediators, mediation supervisors, and family court service directors must:

(A)Complete a minimum of 40 hours of custody and visitation mediation training within the first six months of initial employment as a court-connected mediator;

(B)Annually complete 8 hours of related continuing education programs, conferences, and workshops. This requirement is in addition to the annual 4-hour domestic violence update training described in rule 5.215; and

(C)Participate in performance supervision and peer review.

(2)Each mediation supervisor and family court services director must complete at least 24 hours of additional training each calendar year. This requirement may be satisfied in part by the domestic violence training required by Family Code section 1816.

(Subd (f) amended effective January 1, 2005; previously amended effective January 1, 2003.)

(g) Education and training providers

Only education and training acquired from eligible providers meet the requirements of this rule. "Eligible providers" includes the Administrative Office of the Courts and may include educational institutions, professional associations, professional continuing education groups, public or private for-profit or not-for-profit groups, and court-connected groups.

(1)Eligible providers must:

(A)Ensure that the training instructors or consultants delivering the education and training programs either meet the requirements of this rule or are experts in the subject matter;

(B)Monitor and evaluate the quality of courses, curricula, training, instructors, and consultants;

(C)Emphasize the importance of focusing child custody mediations on the health, safety, welfare, and best interest of the child;

(D)Develop a procedure to verify that participants complete the education and training program; and

(E)Distribute a certificate of completion to each person who has completed the training. The certificate must document the number of hours of training offered, the number of hours the person completed, the dates of the training, and the name of the training provider.

(2)Effective July 1, 2005, all education and training programs must be approved by the Administrative Office of the Courts.

(Subd (g) adopted effective January 1, 2005.)

(h) Ethics

Mediation must be conducted in an atmosphere that encourages trust in the process and a perception of fairness. To that end, mediators must:

(1)Meet the practice and ethical standards of the Code of Ethics for the Court Employees of California and of related law;

(2)Maintain objectivity, provide and gather balanced information for both parties, and control for

Victim of Parental Alienation

A grown woman shares the effects of parental alienation during her childhood.

Red Flags for Family Courts to Consider

Any parent coming to family court wanting sole custody should be suspect of parent alienation ( The act of alienating or the condition of being alienated; estrangement:). These parents that want sole custody, never have the children best interest mind, only revenge.

I am not talking about women or men who truly are battered victims, with the CPS reports, Police reports and/or Hospital reports. I am a child advocate. I do not in anyway condone or support battering of anybody. However, my research has produced facts that true battered men and women are a few percent, and have the documentation set forth that had been going on the duration of the relationship.

Parents that practice "parent alienation", have no history proof during the marriage, no CPS report history, no hospital reports, and no police reports. They do not even have a restraining order and never did. I am not talking about the attempts to make these reports with other lies, that is documentation that protects the target parent.

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There are many Petitions to help Father's Rights, Children's Rights, and Grandparent's Rights. Any of these petitions will help legislation to form stronger regulations and laws to punish those that use False Allegations to gain full and sometime sole custody of children. These self-center individuals do not care about their children, they only care about hurting or destroying the relationship of their children with the other parent. My own personal experience, has sicken me to think that others will walk this same helpless road paved by dishonest and hateful people that lack the insight to see that their behavior is hurtful and destructive in the long term to their children.

Welcome To Stop False Allegations Feedback - False Allegations kill an individual, family and child-Lets punish

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    • profile image

      Antonio Ramirez 

      20 months ago

      I have gone through allegations from my girlfriends 11 year old sone molested my 4 year old to now a recent allegation of me exposing my child to pornography. 2 two older girls have been alienated from me. My lack of experience didn't prepare me for what came next. I now only fight for my 6 year old and this last tuesday I hit a setback when I was granted more time with my daughter. I sought more time due to the court order stating to revisit it in july and due to my daughter asking for more time. Yet the mediator didn't grant it. This tuesday I go in front of the presiding judge to see if I can persuade him to objectively see it my way. I wish there was more father child advocates. we are in such a loss when fathers want to be not just sperm donors but a parent. A dad to their kids. Justice is not blind, It has one eye open.

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      This has me absolutely speechless. I was served with a temp order that said allegations of child abuse with supervised visitations. Month and a half later i still haven't seen my girls. We went to medation a couple days ago and i was bashed for anything and everything and i didn't even do anything. they don't have a epo or cps wasn't involved. But this is the same mediator that gave my ex all these orders in our last court hearing all the same orders he breaks and i follow. And he gets no slap on the hand or nothing. so much more to my story but as i read all this is just scares me more that ive lost my kids for ggood over lies. I have 2 other kids if i was abusing them cps wld of been here long time ago. I need help and advice. Anyone :(

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      @leah-m-angelini: I thought i was alone. I too am a mom that this happened to. About 10 years ago i had my first child. Financially my world fell apart so i moved from no California to so California. I moved in with my dad thinking i would save money and start over. BIG AZZ MISTAKE!! My dad was just different. I found out that whenever my sister would call he would say i was out and didn't know where i was shen i was right there with my kid. I went out once and jhst for a few hours. Fast forward six months in and i had decided i needed to leave because i could feel something was happening. I packed my car and was heading for the freeway when i realized id left my daughter's clothes. To this day i wish id just left them there. I get back and the sheriff meets me there. My dad had taken out a temp restraining order and it included my daughter... i had to leave her there and had nowhere to go. Through a series of court battles which included my ex lying as well as my dad i only got supervised visitations which of course my ex never complied with. Not only that i had to custody nothing!!!! So seven years passed i didn't speak to my dad nor did i see my daughter. It hurt so bad. I finally got the nerve up to take my ex back to court i got 50% custody and he got another DUI to which he never had any repercussions as far as the family court goes. My daughter started coming over but has since stopped because she cries the whole time shes with me and its not fair to my other two children. The family courts in la mesa California absolutely DESTROYED my daughter and i have no recourse. I just don't knoe whAt to do as the court ive transferred it to just keeps siding with him and looks at me like im a criminal.,

    • mommysolutions profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      Hello, my computer has been acting up lately. If you left a post and do not see it appear, please post another one. Hopefully I have solved the problem.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      my son is going threw the same problem with his ex girlfriend she i acusing me of burning the baby leg and saying that my son is a bad parent she had a retraining order agaist him under false accusation n the judge didn't wanted to hear my son side he end up having visitation every other saturday and sunday for 7 hours now she call cps on me and my son since im the supervision for my grandkids we had a meeting today nov 8 2012 at 1:00 my ex daughter and her mom lied threw there teeth and they didn't wanted to hear my side n told me to shut up and stop defending my son i can't believe how they resided tours them the mom off my ex daughter in law was just plain lying wit her innocent talk while no one believes me i even said im willing to take a lie detector test .she claim that when i gave her the baby back on last sunday oct 28 that the baby was crying a lot n the next day she saw a burn on his left leg like a 2nd degree burn well i just don't understand how she change his cloths and didn't realize the baby had a burn i gave her back the baby with shorts so that burn would have been noticeable n she claim she took him a bath and didn't see the burn that's b,s if anyone out there could help me and my son before nov 27 2012 on what could we do.are own lawyer is not doing his work like he should thankyou for your time i have a lot more to share

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      the man that i have been in a relationship with for almost 7 years has been going through custody issues with his now 16 year old twin sons since they were 2 years old. When I began dating him, he had primary custody of the twins & the mother had them every other weekend. Well, this woman has gone through so many hoops to make sure that she's obtained full, sole custody of the kids (mind you, he only got primary custody because SHE was the abuser) because he didn't want to be in a relationship with her. For years she's tried to get back with him but it's never worked. he wants nothing to do with her. well, she figured that since he loved the twins more than life itself, that she would fight as hard as she could to get the kids. she coached one of the twins to lie and say that he was sexually molested by his father. cps came to the apt one night and removed the kids while in their pajamas never telling him why. he didn't find out about the allegations until his court date. needless to say, that case was dropped. the judge saw right through his story (and she obviously didn't think her evil plan through because she didn't involve the other twin) and the fact that his brother knew he was lying and threw the case out. so, he got custody back. about 3 months later, one of the twins came home after visiting with their mom & had a busted lip & cracked tooth. my boyfriend called cps & the police to file a report immediately. the twin lied and said he did it at our house (even though he hadn't been there all weekend & literally had just walked in the door 5 minutes before his dad called the cops). a TRO was put in effect and she was dodging service. about a month later, she went up to their school w/a copy of the old court order demanding that the kids be released to her. The school refused but instead of calling their dad while this was going on, they waited, put the kids on the bus after school to the boys & girls club. Luckily, he beat the bus to the boys and girls club & waited for them there. When she pulled up w/her aunt, they began shouting racial slurs (sheâs white & my boyfriendâs black so you already know which slur Iâm referring to) and tried to snatch the kids from him. She screamed out âyouâre having me served?â Apparently, the school gave her a copy of the TRO (which my boyfriend gave the school & the boys & girls club copies of in case she showed up). He was protecting the kids and they ganged up on him. He pushed them off of him and they fell to the ground. He ran & locked the kids in the car & called 911. They called 911 about 3 minutes later (laughing & cursing which could be heard on the 911 tape). Well, cops came out & she only showed the police a copy of her court papers showing visitation & lied & said she was never served a TRO and that my boyfriend body slammed her into the ground while protecting the kids (did I mention sheâs 5â4â & 278lbs.) with one hand. Of course, cops look up & show she in fact was never served so therefore the TRO wasnât valid b/c the judge hasnât signed off on it & since it was her word against his, he got arrested & the kids were released to her. He spent 3 days in jail, had to hire a criminal attorney & essentially lost a year of his life dealing with this case. He was forced to go to anger management classes, counseling, the whole 9 yards. Well, when it came time for his trial, he opted for a bench trial (so glad he did) because the judge was fair & unbiased (rare in San Diego) and he was found not guilty w/out prejudice. BUT she used this case in family court to gain the upper hand. That entire year he was fighting for his freedom, he had to deal with supervised visits, mediation with the EXTREMELY BIASED CPS MEDIATOR, and of course, family court. He had lost almost everything. That was 6 years ago & heâs still fighting. Now the kids are saying that heâs being physically abusive to them, but hereâs the kickerâ¦WE DONâT EVEN LIVE IN THE SAME STATE & HAVENâT SEEN THEM IN ALMOST 2 YEARS! He talks to them on the phone weekly & they are constantly telling him that they miss him & want him to come back, but yet 2 weeks ago, they tell minorâs counsel that bogus abuse story. She has NEVER complied w/a court order & NEVER pays the consequences. In January, we had our first child & this coming up February weâre expecting our second. In spite of every lie that the twins have told on him, he was ALWAYS there for them & ALWAYS fighting for them. He recently had court (judge allows him to call in since we are out of state) and thatâs when he found out what the kids said. They even went as far as saying they hate our 8 month old child & said âhow can he take care of another baby if heâs not taking care of usâ. Which he is. He pays his child support every month & has sacrificed so much so that they never would go without. Now, heâs ready to throw in the towel. Heâs angry. He wants to file criminal charges against her, and the kids at this point. Heâs already taken her & her aunt to civil court re:the false arrest charges & won! They owe him $7600 (which he probably will never see because every time she gets a job, we find out, get her served at her place of business because she dodges at home, she quits!) At this point, he wants to file criminal charges against her & now the twins for lying in court & making these false allegations towards him. Enough is enough already. So glad we left San Diego. San Diego family court system is a JOKE!

    • mommysolutions profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      @leah-m-angelini: Oh Yes, sometimes the toxic parent is the father, using the children to hurt the mother. Usually, the stories you hear more about is absent father. Not saying all fathers, but a big chunk of United States Father's are not interested in seeing their children until they get saddled with a child support court order. However, what I have read that even these father's face with verbal and calling regarding their skills as a father. These father's feel with half their income being taken that they should have more time with their children, and often the mother is blocking extra time. The worse sad truth, the smaller percentage of toxic parenting father's has a more traumatic ending, Which family courts need to have some other gauge for evaluating the charge of abuse and deeper questioning on accusations that are not backed with material facts. Yes, I agree strongly, the Children will and do suffer the most in this adult issue of divorce. If we all can keep in mind, that an awful spouse, does not equal an awful parent. I feel that the toxic parent is pretty easy to spot. Never has any good things to say at all about the other parent. Does not want to share 20/80 with other parent, so forget about 50/50. And the legal custody is another losing law, I never seen the non-custodial parent getting any input for raising their children. I hope to generate some laws that makes our Family Courts pay special attention to a parent that is not willing to share custody, starts out wanting sole custody. In fact, I do not believe sole custody should even be in the family court. Both parents are needed by the children for their health and well-being. That type of custody should be for CPS to use in court which would provide a recommendation by a neutral third party to get it granted. Also, when a toxic parent has requested sole custody, this should be a red flag to the Family court. Because the very reason for the Family court is to work in the best interest of the children. California law has already established that the best interest of the children is the parent's having joint physical custody. Sorry you had to suffer and especially sorry your children did also. Best you can always offer is your love, support and getting them therapy to help them work out any bad feelings- sooner then later! God Bless you and your family!

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      I may not be a father, but I am a mother of 2 boys and this very thing has happened to me. Our divorce was final a few months ago, I gave him the visitation that he requested which was not standard (every other weekend) he actually had close to 50/50 with me. My youngest son is his bio son, my oldest is his stepson. I included his step son in the visitation as well because tearing the boys apart was my biggest concern. My little boy had bruises on him from being at skateway and my ex took pics and called the cops on me. During their investigation, he filed for the ex parte emergency custody, filled it with lies and was granted temp. custody of my youngest child. The investigation is over now, and the results are, my son is NOT being abused, but the dad still gets to keep him. Again based on his lies and made up stories. My children are suffering the most in this, they have never been separated from each other, nor has my son ever been away from me. My ex and his girlfriend are vindictive, evil and they want control. They love rubbing this in my face and torturing me. I think that is why they did it. The worst part of all this is, he could just go in there, lie to the judge and say whatever he wants and actually get a child taken from his family without even notifying me. I was not aware of this until we were at the school, and he was there with the police. It is a sad system that we have here, and nothing is being done to change it. Everyone I talk to at the courts, seems to think there is no issue with what happened. But I see the effect this is having on my children, emotionally and physically. It is just wrong.

    • mommysolutions profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      @jmaizing: Yes, the courts still do see how damaging false accusations are to the target parent. Family and Friends start question and doubt the targeted parent, and the financial pain tops this awful damage. And the toxic parent walks away, without any warning or punishment, even when California has a remedy for an injured parent, it is very far and few between, the targeted parent is granted. The laws are there, because they are there to protect the children's right to have both parents equally in their lives. Sometimes the mother is not the best primary custodial parent, especially when she can not separate her anger towards the not so good husband from the very good father!!! And there are millions of very good fathers being denied their right to a full and rich relationship with their children. And our Children pay the highest cost! God Bless!!

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      This sounds just like my case...

    • mommysolutions profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      @nelson-brumley: Thank You Nelson-Brumley, your story is very sad and a fact that still lives on in many states including California. We can show our children and grandchildren continuing unconditional love to help ease this toxic parenting style. Yes, sometimes toxic parents never mature and only harbor unfounded resentment and anger towards the other parent. We can only pray that children that most face the toxic parent can rise above this negative and damaging behavior. Hopefully, your daughter can help your grandchildren and in-laws to know the truth. Thank you again for sharing, we are not alone and need to stop this child abuse. God Bless you!

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      I have a been there done that story. I too had an ex wife who accused me of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse of my two children and herself. All legal requirements were followed and I was found innocent of the charges but not before spending several weeks of no visitation and supervised visitation after. The divorce was finally completed several years after the accusations were leveled. I have been remarried since 2001 and my daughter was recently married and has given birth to my first grandchild. Before the marriage, my ex visited and continued the accusations and details from the divorce and has continued to create lies to damage any relationship between the in-laws and myself. She has also continue to repeat the lies and accusations to most all the people she has worked for, married, and friends. I am a volunteer firefighter and have been a chief the last 6 years and have other professionals question me about the accusations and comments made by her. I'm seeking relief and a legal resource to dispatch the continued lies and false accusations. It's a difficult issue dealing with a vindictive person and it has caused strained relationships with both my children. While my daughter and I have a good relationship, the emotional and constant accusations have seriously strained my relationship with my son. I feel for anyone that has or will suffer this lack of regard and complete use of a flawed system to harm the fathers relationship with the children and suffer the disgrace of being treated like a criminal all due to lies used to maintain soul custody. Still to this day she continues to berate and attempt to damage my reputation by continuing the lies. It's a true story that will cause anyone to pause and to consider not getting married. I want to end the insanity and the constant accusations that mean to demean and destroy my relationships. To have witnessed and suffered this emotional torment and to be continually tormented without redemption or relief can make life difficult. I do not trust my ex and i am extremely guarded to be involved with my children's lives when it has to involve the ex. The worst is all the negative comments to my children and the damage caused that could result in difficulties with their futures. The ex has already caused issues with my daughters in-laws and caused distrust of me as her father. With a grandchild involved, and the accusations being stated, this is a time when relief must be found so the continued abuse by my ex wife can be eliminated or at lease reduced to a minimum. I would love to have a decent relationship with all involved as I do not care to deal with her or her issues and have nothing to do with her completely. I truly understand and have sympathy with others who deal with any issues as I have had to suffer.

    • mommysolutions profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      @talljjparis: I am so sorry to hear your story, even though I know it is happening all over the USA, and not with the same victory results you write about. We need to get laws passed that punish parents that use any type of brainwashing, and especially false allegations during a child custody battle. The true victims, are our precious children. They are the future, and this kind of abuse, and it is ABUSE, creates young adults with anger issues, addiction troubles, and troubles with relationships. Not to mention your own pain of being falsely accused of sexual abuse. The law in California is all ready pretty hard and direct with a parent that commits perjury of "child sexual abuse" in child custody case.Sadly, I found out that civil and criminal charges are hard to bring to suit, because the family law records, declarations, etc, can not be referred to. That was my understanding, when tried to sue for the emotional pain and stress inflicted on us by the proven perjury that was used in the child custody case. I hope you gain full custody of your child. Be sure to get psychological therapy by a same sex therapist, for her, to make it easier for her to work through her feelings. It would help you too, the emotional roller coaster you were just on, most likely will not end for 18 years or more. Because toxic parents like your ex- care about nothing and nobody, they lack empathy for others. You may better serve yourself, to save your money for you and your child's health. May God Bless you with new found hope, faith and love. Truth always win in the end!

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      I just beat a false allegation of molestation myself. My ex worked for one of L.A.'s top family law firms for 12 years. She coached my child to falsify statements to the police, DCFS and it backfired. I managed to clear myself and now I'm preparing a civil case. Anyone have any ideas, would love to see them. Also, if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Google "the selective use of polygraphs"

    • mommysolutions profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      @nandiwahid: Thank you for your sharing. There is something we can do as group. I will be posting this information after May 10, 2012. May God Bless you and your children for this to stop! My prayers are with you and yours!

    • mommysolutions profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      @HeartBroken62: May God Bless you and your work to help others. Thank for visiting my lens, I hope to have more time to post what we can do.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      my child's mom has twice falsely accused me of pulling and shooting a gun at her in which each time my child was taken away from me for months. I've beaten both cases. The fact remains that she lied on the declaration paper, to the mediator, and also to the judge. When I brought out the facts that she lied, with also the contradiction in her testimony at hearing, the courts just seem to not have cared and let her walk away without even a slap on the wrist. In one instance she even admitted she lied and the judge just over looked it after i pointed it out. The judge even knew she lied before I pointed it out because she admitted it. The court system is not adhering to the law when perjury is committed. This has to stop, would they take the same action if someone lied on them or their loved ones. mmmmmmm

    • HeartBroken62 profile image


      7 years ago

      May God be with you and your family. Thank you for sharing. I am linking your story to my lens as it does relate to the work I have been doing.


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