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Sudden death of a child

Updated on June 11, 2012

Sudden death of a child Savana's story

9:25 am, March 30th, 2009, my life as I know it turned upside down! With the sudden death of my child my perfectly healthy three year old daughter Savanna who passed away in her sleep. I'm making this article to maybe help others that may find then in the same situation as I did on that dreadful day in 2009. I don't claim to be an expert in this field but I can explain from personal experience the emotions and pain I had to pass through in my healing process.

I had been a Police officer for 18 years at the time of her death, I had to respond to a lot of deaths due to this career choice. You can stay disconnected most of the time because its not close to your own, and you have the mentality that IT WONT HAPPEN TO ME. Well one day it did! It was hardest and painful experience of my life. But as you will see the pain and hurt dims with time and support. Always remember though they will remain in your heart everyday as Savanna has in mine. In this lens I'm going to explain what happened to our daughter Savanna. What we went through and maybe what I did to heal will how other people deal with the loss of a child or a loved one.

Savannas third birthday
Savannas third birthday

Savanna Arnatuk, Daughter, Granddaughter, Sister, Friend and Angel

A little bit about Savanna

Savanna was born in Montreal Quebec Canada, on the 16th of December 2005. She had light brown hair and a light complexion. She was healthy and exceeded all the norms for a healthy baby as we were told by the doctors. The nurses just love the fact that her hair was always standing up and no matter what we did it would never stay down.

I was working in the Canadian Arctic at the time my spouse and I returned with Savanna three days after she was born. She wasn't a hard baby, yes she did wakeup at night wanting to be fed but other than that she was a good child. She grew and pretty soon she was walking and getting into everything like all children! As she got older she started to know what she liked. Dora and the wonder pets was her favourite shows. She loved to eat country food as she was half Inuit country food means raw caribou, and fish. Her favourite drink was juice didn't matter what kind of juice as long as it was juice. Even if we tried to trick her and put water or milk in her bottle she would look at it can say "no juice, JUICE!!" She used to love to go for skidoo and ATV rides, she loved to play outside. When she started daycare she made friends very quickly and all the educators there just loved her.

In 2008 we had another daughter and Savanna took on the role of the proud older sister. She just loved her little sister Katsi. she helped out getting diapers or other things, she would come running to us and say "Yuck Katsi Yuck" meaning that Katsi had a dirty diaper. She had all her follow-ups with her doctor and we were told that she was a very healthy child. She was also very loving she wanted to always be close to one of us be it myself, mother or sister. She passed her last birthday in December 2008, I might say she was spoiled with gifts. We passed Christmas with her and had a beautiful holiday season. As the months passed it came time for her three year check-up with the doctor. I took her to her appointment while we were waiting in the examination room she was sitting on my lap. She turned to me and said "Daddy I'm scared" I told her everything would be ok and she felt better. After the exam the Doctor told me that she was a very healthy three year old, I left there happy know this. Alas it was three weeks before she passed away. Her mother had left to visit her parents in her home village for a couple of weeks so I was taking care of the girls. Savanna would always come into my room in the middle of the night to sleep with me, I loved it! Savanna and I were a team for those weeks she was always close to me, but she did miss her "mommy" Mommy returned home five days before Savanna passed away, Now I look back and say I don't know how I would have gotten through the first day if my spouse was not there.

The day before Savanna passed away was a normal Sunday. She played we all went for a drive, she loved slush so when we went by the store where it was sold she was asking for one but the store had closed already and she was not happy. This passed quickly as we went home to make and eat supper. She was so full of energy that night. She was everywhere all over the house. After supper it was the normal routine she didn't really want to go to bed but we said to her that she would have her bath and get ready for bed as she had what she called school (daycare) the following day. This made her happy. I remember going to her room to say goodnight and she told me I love you daddy. This was the last day our Savanna was with us.

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March 30th, 2009

and the proceeding days after

At 925 am, I woke up, I found it strange that Savanna had not come to see me as she did very morning to say Good morning Daddy. I went to see Katsi as she had woke up and was crying to be changed and fed. I asked my spouse if she wanted Savanna to go to daycare as it was already 925am and we had to have her there by 930am. She told me to take care of Katsi and she would go and get Savanna ready. A few moments later I heard her scream at me COME QUICK THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH SAVANNA!!!!!! I ran to Savannas room and saw her laying on her stomach with her arms under her head. Savanna sometimes played that she was sleeping and when I would say Good morning Savanna she would turn and laugh and say Good morning Daddy. I said good morning Savanna and she didn't reply I said it again with the same results. I went over to where she was and touched her leg to tickle her BUT! as soon as I touched her I knew from experience that she had passed away! I rolled her over to see if I could do CPR on her but there was nothing I could do. I placed her back in the position she was in, left the room and called the ambulance then the police station where I was working at the time. The ambulance arrived first even though I knew there was nothing that could done for her, but they tried to bring her back. A few moments later the police arrive one of my friends came to see me and said it would be better if we left the house and let them do their job. We took Katsi and went outside in our pjs and waited. Next we saw Savanna being brought out of the house placed into the ambulance and taken away. We followed her to the hospital, where we were not allowed to see her, due to her age it was not normal for her to just pass away.

A police investigation started, we were not allowed to go to our house to get cloths or any other personal items as it was considered as a crime scene. That day Savanna was sent to Montreal for an optopsie. We were met by the investigators and interviewed. That night thanks to a caring social worker we had a place to stay. The results of the optopsie was that there was no cause of death, but they did say it could be Long Qt or sleep apthia. Two days after we were allowed back into our house. Needless to say it was hard to go back there. My spouses family arrived so we had the support to be strong and go into the house. The next few days are a blur but I can say that we had the funeral organized and we buried our sweet little angel. I was in denial that she was really gone, angered at the world because we had done everything to protect and care for our child.

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The long road to healing

How I delt with the loss

Everyone is different in the way they deal with loss. What I recommend is to take any and all help that is offered to get you through the ruff road that lays ahead. What I did was to make it a requirement to get closer to my children, not push then away. I took the offered support from social services, friends and family. I'm not a very religious person but I did find some peace in talking to God as a medium to talk to Savanna. I tried not to dwell on the fact that she had passed away but the good times we had shared together. I do not recommend self medicating, alcohol is a depressant and will make you hurt more. Drugs well we know that if you become dependent on them that it will result in more issues in the future. These two things may take your pain away for awhile but the fact will still be that you lost a loved one, so why loose more by using those things to numb the pain. Don't put yourself in a position that the trauma that you have lived, reoccur again this will cause bumps in the road to recovery.

For me I was a Police officer, I decided to stop policing as it would put me in the position of see more people die and this would not be good for myself nor my family. It took me about 9 months before I could bring myself to go into Savannas room for more than a few seconds. In the end I was able to clean her room get rid of some stuff and store the rest, this was also part of my healing. I did get a tattoo on my arm of Savanna so she is always with me this was my way of closure. Don't just sit around and be sad, get out do things with your family. Do new things go new places you never been before all these things have helped me. As I said at the beginning everyone is different in the way they heal these are just afew ways that may help you. I would like to say thank you to the following people for their support: Linda D, Lindia C, Tommy and Annie A. Mom and Richard, Theresa M. Penny and Brian J., Lissa O, Dad and the rest of my family.

Savanna we love you
Savanna we love you

A poem for Mommy on mothers day from Savana

It's the busiest day in Heaven

I'm planning a big surprise

To let you know I love you

And that no one ever dies.

Even though you're down below

And I am up above,

I'm sending you these wishes

And all my angel love.

It's really quite exciting

To plan this big event,

For lots of gifts will come your way

And all are heaven sent.

First, I'll take a bubble bath-

My splashes might cause some rain,

But knowing all the fun I'm having,

Will help to ease your pain.

Next, I'll get some pictures

In my halo and my gown,

So when you get to Heaven,

You can show them all around.

I have color crayons in Heaven,

And I will draw some star so bright

And place them in the sky today

For you to see tonight.

Then, Jesus will have story time,

And I will sit upon his lap.

He'll tell me all about you

Just before I nap.

I'll wake up full of energy

And play a game or two,

Before I finish sending

All my love to you.

After snack I'll write a song

For all the birds to sing,

And know I've made you happy

With all the joy it brings.

At nighttime I'll be tired,

But I'll still hold you tight.

My arms will wrap around you

And keep you through the night.

And when you finally slumber,

I will kneel to pray,

Asking God to bless you

On this special Mother's Day.

Love, Your Little Angel Savanna

This is Savanna's last video - Recorded four days before she passed away

I miss you my little Angel.

Katsi
Katsi

A little update

More about life after Savana

Its been little over two years now that Savanna has left us. We still think and remember her a lot. The pain of her passing has lessen but I can remember that day like it was yesterday! Savanna's sister Katsi is at the age Savanna was and she is like her twin. She has a lot of the same character as Savanna did, she looks almost identical as well.

She loves Dora the explorer, Max and Ruby, and plays with Savanna old toys now that she is at that age as well. If you look at the picture in this part of the lens of Katsi you will see how she looks like Savanna. We continue to grow and heal each day is different and we always miss our little angle Savanna. Just a reminder if you "like" this lens please "like it" and comment if you feel like it!

Will this Article help you or another person? - Comments are welcome

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    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      So sorry for your loss. My condolences to the family.

      The heavenly poem is beautiful. I pray for the beauty of God's continual Grace in your lives and the strength or fortitude in times of need. Higher blessings.

    • profile image

      kqren41 3 years ago

      I'm not sure if this helps anybody else in the midst of their pain, but I know it will bless you because you are healing just by sharing! Your children ARE beautiful & funny!

    • lovedislife profile image

      Rema T V 3 years ago

      My heart goes out to you after reading little Savanna's story. Yes, Katsi looks very similar to Savanna and is as cute as Savanna was. 30th March is my birthday, so I'm sure to remember Savanna on my birthday every year. Peace to you and your family.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      My friend's 3 year old daughter passed away last week in a similar manner, they found her face down in her pillow. It's such a tragedy and such a sad way to lose a child. I loved that little girl, I haven't stopped crying since I found out.

    • profile image

      momideas 4 years ago

      I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you have gone through. I could not imagine something like this happening to my children. I will keep you all in my prayers. All I can think is that some people are here with a purpose and when done, it is time to move on.

    • mary-humphrey profile image

      mary-humphrey 5 years ago

      I'm so sorry for your loss, your story brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your story, I am sure this will help a lot of people going through this type of pain. You and your family are in my prayers.

    • AnnMarie7 profile image

      AnnMarie7 5 years ago

      Your story broke my heart...how tragic and sad. Savannah was a beautiful child; in the lens photo, she looks so much like my granddaughter. I cannot imagine the pain you went through. But I admire the effort you made to begin healing from this loss, and I appreciate the update you added at the end about Katsi. My heart goes out to you and your family, but please know that this lens will help many other parents. Be blessed...

    • satewas profile image
      Author

      satewas 5 years ago

      I would like to inform you all that you can now contact me at this email address: suddendeathofachild@gmail.com

      Thanks

      Shawn

    • satewas profile image
      Author

      satewas 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Thank you for your comment, yes you can contact me if you want just provide your email address and ill reply and answer any questions you may have.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      My 11 year old daughter recently passed away, and we are still waiting for our results to find out why. You're story reminded me so much of ours... our destany went to bed as usual and didn't wake up the next day (our oldest found her) she was never sick, didn't complain of any hurts or achs. I was wondering what the final cause of death was for you're child? and if there is any contact information for you? You're story has really helped me and i look forward to hear from you.

    • flycatcherrr profile image

      flycatcherrr 5 years ago

      This is so heartbreaking. Such a beautiful child. I can't even imagine how you have survived an event that is just the worst thing a parent could imagine, but thank you for having the courage to tell your story here. Thank you, too, for the reminder that healing from a loss is an on-going process.

    • simona55 profile image

      simona55 5 years ago

      so sorry for your loss

    • NYtoSCimjustme profile image

      NYtoSCimjustme 5 years ago

      My little girl is 2 and a half, her daddy is a police officer, and Lord, I don't know how you survived such a tragic loss - no warning, no real explanation.... my heart aches for you and your family - I pray you take every second of joy with Katsi, and may your hearts continue to heal with each passing day. Thank you for reminding me to never take a moment of time with our babies for granted... because you never know.

    • Sunflower Susan profile image

      Sunflower Susan 5 years ago

      I'm so sorry, the pain you have experienced is incredible - indescribable. I pray for healing and the blessing of peace in knowing the depths of God's love for you and how you may see your precious little one again. Thank you for sharing such a personal story, and for desiring to help others through it.

    • profile image

      CatJGB 5 years ago

      Such a tragic thing to happening, my thoughts are with you and your family.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      my heart goes out to you.

    • bikerministry profile image

      bikerministry 5 years ago

      Found a devotion that made me think of you today. http://odb.org/2011/10/20/my-fingernails-or-his-ha...

      It is a link to Our Daily Bread. Hope you feel blessed and encouraged today. This doesn't mean you'll hear from me every day, just when you are on my heart - God reminds me occasionally to pray for specific people.

    • bikerministry profile image

      bikerministry 5 years ago

      I read this article and my heart was broken. I'm so sorry for your loss. What a precious girl and what a tragic ending. So wonderful that you're writing about this and that you're allowing strangers into your world. We want to be an emotional support even if we never meet. God richly bless you as you complete this journey, allowing others to hold you up when you feel weak. Please let your spouse know you are both in my prayers. There's a wonderful blog called Rosecommon Acres on blogspot that shares your grief, only a little more recent. Hope you go there and are blessed. BLESSINGS and healing coming your way. I've linked your lens to my lens on "Gifts for hurting people."

    • Hana4 profile image

      Hana4 5 years ago

      My heart and thoughts go out to you. And thumbs up for having the courage to share...

    • maurissam profile image

      Chocolate Pickney 5 years ago from Jamaica

      My heart cried while I read this, I have 3 baby girls. I'm sorry about your loss. Much blessings to you and your family

    • profile image

      Donnette Davis 5 years ago from South Africa

      What a heartbreaking and tragic story. Thank you for sharing your grief.

    • littlelotus profile image

      littlelotus 5 years ago

      It's really hard reading through this lens as I'm crying..... I can't imagine how you must have felt... and never wish it to happen to anyone :(:(:(:(..... God bless u and ur family.... I'm sure lovely Savana is by His side... :)

    • tara-lynn lm profile image

      tara-lynn lm 5 years ago

      your story is heartbreaking. thanks for sharing this. bless u

    • delia-delia profile image

      Delia 5 years ago

      Oh my I could barely get through this, my heart aches for you and your family! I just can't imagine losing a child....I'm truly sorry you had to experience this...God Bless You!

    • Close2Art LM profile image

      Close2Art LM 5 years ago

      My heart goes out to you and your family, I am at a loss of words, blessed.

    • RetroMom profile image

      RetroMom 5 years ago

      Sorry for your loss. Thank you for giving us the courage that healing does take place albeit one day at a time. Much love to you and your family.

    • alphamalesystem profile image

      alphamalesystem 5 years ago

      Being a father myself, all I can say is that I cannot even fathom having to deal with that. My heart goes out to you.

    • Viola Horne profile image

      Viola Horne 5 years ago

      I am so sorry to hear of your pain. What a blessing to know your angel doesn't have to suffer like you did and that she loves Heaven and can't wait to show it to you.

    • Nancy S Oram profile image

      Nancy Oram 5 years ago

      How difficult this must have been to write. Thanks for sharing your story.

    • TheLittleCardShop profile image

      Malu Couttolenc 5 years ago

      Oh I cried so much, thank you for sharing the story of Savanna. It must have been hard for you writing this story. Huge Hug to you and your family

    • VarietyWriter2 profile image

      VarietyWriter2 5 years ago

      Brought tears to my eyes. May your memories of her bring you solace in the long days ahead. Blessed by a Squid Angel :)

    • elyria profile image

      elyria 5 years ago

      It is heartwarming that you found the courage to share the story of your beautiful angel Savanna to help others find strength and hope in similar situations. Cherish the memories of little Savanna, she will forever be your angel. Big hugs to you.

    • darciefrench lm profile image

      darciefrench lm 5 years ago

      Thank-you for sharing about the death of your child and how you began to heal. I realize the healing is a work in progress. You're helping many others to heal by having the courage to share in this way. I am very grateful. Many blessings to you and yours.

    • ghaelendlareh profile image

      ghaelendlareh 5 years ago

      I am certain no words can speed the healing process, but love and light to you. I am crying like a fool. What a marvelous angel you had with you for a little while. Hugs to all of your family, and to her in heaven.

    • the-good-stuff profile image

      the-good-stuff 5 years ago

      I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, Savanna looks like such a lovely child. Your story brought tears to my eyes.

    • bernie74 lm profile image

      bernie74 lm 5 years ago

      Oh I am so terrible sorry for your Loss, I can not imagine what you have gone through. Thank you for sharing your story, I know it must have been hard for you to do, But I am sure many appreciate it.

      Blessed by a squid angel!

    • Richard-H profile image

      Richard 5 years ago from Surrey, United Kingdom

      So sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter, but glad to learn that time is healing the wounds of despair. Having lost my wife just last year, I can surely empathize with your situation. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • indigoj profile image

      Indigo Janson 5 years ago from UK

      I had tears in my eyes but so glad you have found ways to move forward, keeping all that was most dear about Savanna in your hearts. Beautiful poem, and two very beautiful little girls though one was only with you for a while. Blessed by a passing Squid Angel.

    • profile image

      AlleyCatLane 5 years ago

      Thank you for sharing your story of your beautiful daughter. Your poem brought me to tears. God bless you and your family.

    • sponias lm profile image

      sponias lm 5 years ago

      When I was 15-years-old I lost my faith because my friend Marina died in a car accident we suffered from. She was next to me in the car. I became atheistic and aggressive. When I was 23-years-old I lost my dearest cousin Efi who was only 18-years-old in a train accident, and my dearest mother-in-law who was only 64-years-old from a brain spin in the same week of the year. Two deaths in the family at the same time showed me that there is a God deciding who must die.

      We are too ignorant. There is a reason why some people have to die while they are still very young. We must accept Godâs decisions without revolt. I hope that you and your wife will respect Godâs wisdom, and that this knowledge will make your pain gradually disappear.

    • TriviaChamp profile image

      TriviaChamp 5 years ago

      So sorry for your terrible, terrible loss. Blessed.

    • joeldgreat profile image

      joeldgreat 5 years ago

      sometimes writing works to ease the pain. thanks for sharing your very painful experience.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      What a courageous thing on your part to write these things about your oldest daughter for the world to share. I am crying now as I write about the sadness that came to your family. Katsi will have the memories of her big sister through your eyes, perhaps she will be a big sister too someday soon, so you can share the love you have with a big family. My own two grandsons are three years and 8 months, the thoughts of them no longer here is devestating. Your poem for Mommy is totally awesome, many warm hugs go your way from Sunny South Florida.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Oh bless you heart. I have grieved the loss of a child, it is bitter sweet. Blessed!

    • yayas profile image

      yayas 5 years ago

      Oh... I am sooo sorry for what you an' your family have hadda' deal with. The poem is beautiful an' I hope it brings you comfort. I believe there is a lotta' truth written in that poem an' Savannah would be pleased if she could hear it. May God bless you an' your family with the love an' comfort that is needed. Hugs, Yaya

    • JoleneBelmain profile image

      JoleneBelmain 5 years ago

      So sorry for your loss, such a touching story. Thank-you for sharing, it must have been tough to do so. The poem at the end is gorgeous and she was a very beautiful girl I'm sure inside just as much as out.

    • Wednesday-Elf profile image

      Wednesday-Elf 5 years ago from Savannah, Georgia

      Your story brought tears to my eyes, but I thank you for sharing. There is nothing harder than the loss of a child. Savanna was a beautiful little girl. I'm so glad you shared the pictures (and that special poem).

    • KathyMcGraw2 profile image

      Kathy McGraw 5 years ago from California

      I cannot even imagine the devastation of Savanna's loss, yet the poem she (you) wrote is a beautiful reminder that she is still there in your hearts. You are right that writing this not only helps you, but others that read it as well. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Shawn and family.... Physically Savanna may be far away, but in you heart and memories her joy will remain, every moment, every day, let her bring you smiles not pain. God bless

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Thank You So Much For Sharing This, It Has Really Made Me Look At My Own Life. And Has Opened My Eyes.How Precious Life Is, Especially Where Our Children Are Concerned. Thanks Again.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      @anonymous: I remember that day! It was a really sad day! I remember you coming up to me and those words came out " Savanna Passed away" right away I asked how! I was so shocked, I didn't know what to say I didn't know how to put my words together, what do you say to you're best friend when her sister passed, I was so confused! I was there for you, I was there to listen! I just felt so bad! I was thinking " I can't imagine what she's going through', I just wish I had the right words! She was such an amazing little girl, she always smiled at me, I remember when we were on the plane, me you Savanna and you're dad, she was so stuck to me, I remember she didn't want to sit in her seat, Just really sad to have that happen, esp to some one you care about, I'm sorry for you loss! Love you Brittany! I'm always there for you! <3

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Dearest Shawn. Words alone could never express how proud I am of you! You, Savanna and all that you have experienced have taught me more than you will ever know. She will be the Guardian Angel that her baby sister will need later on in life, and she will always be Daddy's Princess. Keep writing as your healing continues, and know that I'll always be here for you, no matter what. From the Mommy in me to the Daddy in you... Blessings on you and your daughters.

      Lissa O.

    • satewas profile image
      Author

      satewas 6 years ago

      Thanks again for all who have signed our guest book, hope that this page will help some cope with loss. I'm working on some updates for the page so come back every so often.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Shawn, I just read this and it gave me even more insight into yours, Susie's and Brittany's experience that day and in the time afterwards. I hope that your words will help other people going through the same thing. I can't begin to imaging the pain of losing a child.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I read your words and I can feel the pain I know your heart because I KNOW you my bro. I read you words and I'm in pain in my heart I feel like I'm going to cry because I can see myself when I read your words. I feel like holding you and tell my bro that I love you and your not a lone. Your words about your little angel are so true she was so beautiful and always had a smile on her face she knew she was loved and it always showed. She will always be part of everyone she touched because she was really an angel. I wish everyone would read your words because the pain your heart will feel reading it makes you understand that you need to hold your family close and be with your family because there the most important thing. Not a job, not money, not personal items because they don't really matter but your family and your angels are you life. Your words are a real wake up call to me. I love my children and now I'll show them how much they really mean to me more often. Just a small walk with them is special and a time to remember, I want you and family to also know me and my family love you guys and if you need us let us know no matter what is. We started as a team in George but really you and your family became part of my family. My heart is out to you and your family Shawn and I'll always keep your daughter in my heart she is a true angel.

    • satewas profile image
      Author

      satewas 6 years ago

      @anonymous: Thankyou all sofar who has commented on Savanna's story. I means a lot to Susie and I

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      That day i remember as if it was yesterday. I woke up and got ready for school and saw that savana didn't wake up at the same time as me as she usually would because of all the noise i would make getting ready. I remember checkign in my dad's room to see if she was sleeping there with them like she would do somemthign but she wasn't. i didn't think it would have been anything bad. i figured she might be sleeping in. I checked on Katsi and was on my way to school.

      At around 9:45-10am i remember my principle comeing into my English class telling me to come with him and to bring my stuff. So i did as he asked and followed him down stair where i saw one of the Police Officers my dad worked with at the time and my Social worker. I thought to myself, oh no what did i do , what's doing on etc. I asked them what was happening but they told me they would tell me when my dad would be there. I got in the car with them and i started asking " wheres katsi and savana? Are they ok, What going on, Did something happen to my dad or his wife". They still did not answer me. I started thinking to myself about the day before when i was babysitting Katsi and she threw up and started choking and i basically saved her from choking to death so i starting thinking maybe it was Katsi. We got to the hospital and my dad and his wife came out of the truck just as i arrived. They had tears in there eyes. My dad's girlfriend was holding Katsi and i looked at her and was seeing if she would move which she did.

      I remember getting mad and looking at everyone and asking what the hell was going on. My dad came up to me and told me that Savana had passed away and i started to cry while my dad was hugging me and basically keeping me from falling to my knees.

      We all went inside all crying and all not knowing what to do and how it happened. I dont remember much after.

      I remember that the Social worker told me that i was alowed seeing Savana since i wasn't a parent. I wanted my dad to come with me but he couldn't. I entered the room very slowly and holding myself back. All the police men that my dad worked with were there. The opened the curten where they're was a white blacket covering her. I still couldn't believe it was real. i didn't believe that it really happened. The removed the blanket and that's when i started to cry and fell to my knees. Just seeing my little sister layign there lifeless crushed my world. It made me see that it was true and i hate that it was.

      That night i wasn't alowed to stay with the family , so i stayed with a consler. That night i couldn't sleep. Every time i would close my eyes i would see the image of Savana at the hospital laying there.

      After when i was alowed to stay with the family and that i could go home, i refused to. It hurt me to much to be in the house.

      I pushed my dad and his wife away slowely at a time.

      I bottled up my emotions and very slowly it started to eat me up inside. I was workign at the daycare where Savana used to go because i wanted to feel closer to her. I ended up having an emotional break down and had to go down to montreal to see a theropist. I was diagnosed with Depression. My relashionship with my dad wasn't great at the time. We were both dealing with our emotioans in a different way and that pushed us further apart. i ended up moveing back to a little town where i used to live before moveing up north. i learned how to deal with my emotions. I wish i haddent pushed my dad away because as it may have seemed that i didn't want him around, it was actually the time i needed him the most. I may have not been close with my little sister, but i loved & love her with all my heart and i wish i could go back and fix the mistakes that were made.

      Now all i can do is chares the good times i had with her and learn from my mistakes.

      Love you with all my heart Savana

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      anonymous 6 years ago

      The day she woke up in heaven

      My boyfriend and I woke up in the morning by somebody knocked the door, he unlocked the door and I heard Louisa Oovaut calling my name then I got up and I saw with her eyes tears and she said Savannapik didnât woke up. I did not believe and I said what happened? Your niece didnât woke up, she passed away this morning, she said. then I could not believe and I went straight to the room and start to cry. my boyfriend hug me and he said to me âCry out load.â I couldnât cry out loud, I was just sobbed.

      Savanna and I met again in my dream

      My niece is an Angel now. Twice I dream of her! Savanna and I were talking about something, and I heard when she was laughing in my dream. She made me smile when I woke up. We miss her.

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      anonymous 6 years ago

      As I read your (Savanna's) story with tears in my eyes, I feel your pain. I agree that the road to healing is finding strength in each other and in the life of your family. She will always be with you and is probably watching you hoping one day you will be able to smile and laugh at the good times you had together.