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Secrets of Living Life with a TeenAge Girl

Updated on April 2, 2015
Paula Atwell profile image

Paula Atwell is a freelance writer with WriterAccess, webmaster, member of Pinterest Party on FB and the owner of Lake Erie Artist Gallery.

The Secrets of Living Life with a TeenAge Girl
The Secrets of Living Life with a TeenAge Girl | Source

Parenting a Teen is a Challenge

Do you live with a teenage girl? Well, I live with two teenage daughters, and to save my sanity, I have learned some parenting tips to deal with the changes that all teen girls go through.

Living with a teenager girl is like living with Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde. You never quite know which person you are talking to. One day they are polite, helpful, and surprisingly mature, and the next they are moody, bored, and rebellious. And that is only the beginning. So read on, laugh a little, and become a part of the teenage behavior survivors club.

What to Do To Survive With A Teenage Daughter - Or How to Attempt to Keep Your Sanity

Teenage girl
Teenage girl | Source
  1. Ignore the moods--they really have nothing to do with you personally. She is just being a teenager (morphing into an alien). Really.
  2. Speak to your daughter as if she is a rational being. There is one hidden under the hormones.
  3. Hug and kiss her even when she pulls away. She secretly wants to hugged even if it is not cool.
  4. Don't try to be perfect. You are much more believable when you aren't. Then she won't feel like such a failure if she makes a mistake. And being imperfect is so much easier.
  5. It's okay to get angry, and disappointed, but stay in control. She is learning from what you do. If you have to, walk away, then come back when you are in control.
  6. Tell your daughter stories of what goofy things you did as a teenager. You did some pretty dumb things, right?
  7. Find ways to laugh. When you laugh together, it brings you closer.
  8. Get to know her friends. Looks are not everything.
  9. Choose your battles. Remember you can always cut off the purple hair while they are sleeping.
  10. Make them stick to the rules. Having the rules really makes their lives easier. It's not having rules that confuses them.
  11. You don't have to be your daughter's best friend. Let her pick a best friend from her peers. She needs you as a parent more.
  12. Say no. Again, and again, and again. No should mean no.
  13. Give your daughter privacy, but let her know that privacy is a privilege.
  14. Don't forget in all the craziness to tell her you love her. Girls have it tough. She needs to know.

Mother and daughters
Mother and daughters | Source

Mothers Are Crucial

You are a role model.

No matter what your daughter tells you, mothers are crucial.

Teenage daughters learn from their mothers how to be a woman, and how to act in the world as a woman. No matter what they tell you, they really are paying attention to everything that you do.

Have you set firm rules for your daughter? How else is she supposed to get out of things she doesn't really want to do with her peers?

What kind of example are you setting? Are you confident in yourself so she will learn to be?

Being a teenage girl in today's world is a lot more difficult than it was when you were a teen--and that was no picnic.

Being a woman is also very confusing. You, as your daughter's role model, are very influential--even when you think they are not listening.

Teens Eat a Lot But They Are Very Picky

Healthy teens are easier to live with

Have you ever really thought about how teenagers eat? We know that they are always hungry. At least it seems that way in my house, but what exactly are they eating and is it fuel for their bodies and minds?

Teens burn off a lot of energy through growth, but they need to learn to eat in a healthy manner to start their adulthood strong.

It is often tough to control what they eat, but you can help by having healthy snacks in the house, and teaching them quick and easy recipes that they can made for themselves.

I recently taught my daughter how to make an easy quesadilla by just melting shredded cheese inside a flour tortilla. The same daughter asks me to buy bags of ready to mix salads in the grocery store so that she can have them as snacks.

With so many health food grocery stores these days, there are more and more convenient and easy ways to eat healthy snacks and meals. Help your teens grow up eating healthy foods as a matter of course, instead of forcing themselves to because they know it is good for them. Healthy teens are much happier teens.

Real Pressures Teen Face

Being a teenager has always been a tough age. The tug of war between childhood and adulthood mixed in with changing hormones and peer pressure has been in the mix for generations. Nowadays, however, teenagers face more and more dangers that even their parents never even heard of.

HIV is alive and well, and safe sex practices are not just to avoid pregnancies anymore.

We hear about teen shootings in schools every few months. We had one here in Cleveland, just a few months ago, and I happened to know a teacher in the school.

Drugs are prevalent in all levels of society. Although we don't hear about it quite as much as when I was a teen, the danger is still quite current.

And for girls there are added pressures.

Self-confidence is extremely vulnerable in teenage girls. Many girls who are confident in elementary school become less so as they become teens.

Self-confidence is very important in teenage decision making. They are already fighting peer pressure constantly. It is critical to help them like themselves as people.

Girls face body image issues constantly. From magazines, TV, movies, and online, they are bombarded with inappropriate images to aspire to, including unachievable body images, inappropriate behavior, and negative role models.

One minute they are watching a show on a Nickelodeon or Disney channel, and the next they hear that their favorite star is pregnant or featured online in compromising photos.

Parents need to know even more now, than they did in the past, what their children are doing, who they are doing it with, what they are watching on TV or online, and who they are corresponding with.

It is our job to teach our children that people are not always who they say they are, and how to be responsible adults.

And then we need to trust them until they prove us otherwise.

What Do You Think? - Girls or Boys

Group of teenage girls
Group of teenage girls | Source

The Age Old Question--Are Girls or Boys Harder to Raise?

Girls--I am Tearing My Hair Out.

Girls--I am Tearing My Hair Out.

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    • Samantha Devereux 2 years ago from Columbia Mo

      Sorry but girls turn into mutants around age 11.

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      Girls for sure! Uuuugghhhhh!

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      girls

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      Girls are much harder. I have one of each.

    • ctmom1 4 years ago

      Girls. Teenage girls. Gahhh!

    • anonymous 5 years ago

      Errrrrm as a girl and mother to a girl YES lol.I was so moody, I must have been vile to raise.

    • KathyBatesel 5 years ago

      I've only raised girls, but I think there are more things for girls to guard against than boys - rapes can happen to both sexes, but are more prevalent among girls, for instance. There's almost an automatically higher number of things that can produce power struggles with girls as they start to stretch their wings.

    • myraggededge 5 years ago

      I have two boys and one girl. Boys are just lovely - easy to please and affectionate. My daughter is spirited, creative and strong-minded - that's exactly how I want her, but it doesn't make life easy for me!

    • Donnette Davis 6 years ago from South Africa

      Eish! I have had both.... I HAVE to say my sons were a walk in the park by comparison!

    • Wanda Fitzgerald 6 years ago from Central Florida

      I had 3 boys and 1 girl. I can easily say I'd raise all 3 boys again before I would raise another girl. I could have used this lens a few years ago. Great ideas.

    • anonymous 7 years ago

      Girls

    • QueSea 7 years ago

      Girls without a doubt! Something about that mother-daughter thing (smile).

    • QueSea 7 years ago

      Girls, without a doubt! Something about that mother-daughter thing (smile).

    • anonymous 7 years ago

      Has to be girls - I have three and their brother was definitely easier than any of them!

    • Wendy Henderson 8 years ago from PA

      I have 3 teenagers and girls are harder only because they are way more sensitive and emotional.

    • Patricia 8 years ago

      I am going to say girls. My stepson, also a teenager of 16 is easier than my girls

    • VBright 8 years ago

      Girls. I've had 4, and had 6 step kids, equal amount of boys and girls. Girls are MUCH tougher, in my opinion, to deal with

    • Nancy Tate Hellams 8 years ago from Pendleton, SC

      girls

    • annetteghallowe1 8 years ago

      I only know girls as my one and only 18 year old daughter just left for college! I have heard from friends with both that girls win by a landslide! FYI-after 16 she turned human again!

    • Carol Fisher 8 years ago from Warminster, Wiltshire, UK

      I think girls are generally more difficult because they mature earlier than boys. They are also harder because us mothers can usually remember exactly what they're going through and have to not let empathy interfere with good judgement.

    Boys--How Can You Even Think Differently?

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      • iegsaan 4 years ago

        Boys are much more difficult

      • Laurabpeterson 4 years ago

        I have two boys, 4 and 8. Everyone I talk to says boys are more challenging as younger kids, easier as teens. And they are certainly quite challenging! My sister had 3 girls and they seem to be going through the teen years relatively easily. I think it depends so much on the individual child and the personality of the children AND the parents and how they relate. But then again, I haven't reached the teen years yet so... (I believe my sister and I caused our parents less grief as teens than my brother did...just saying).

      • Tea Pixie 4 years ago

        Girls have it tough, and they can go crazy, but it's usually not a result of their development, but of their home life. The same for boys, although boys usually choose to bang their heads as part of their expression. That's the only reason why I see boys as tougher to raise.

      • anonymous 8 years ago

        I raised 2 of my neices and three boy's of my own.

        If I have to choose which was easier I say boy's,but keep in mind the problem's are alway's different between the both

        their really is no easier.You just have to love them all through whatever they are going through.

      • Robin S 8 years ago from USA

        Everyone tells me that boys are easier but I don't have any daughters to base that on.

      • Evelyn Saenz 8 years ago from Royalton

        Either boys or girls are the most difficult at different times and yet having the privilege to raise them is the most rewarding experience.

      Fathers are Vital

      You teach your daughter what men are like

      The father of a teenage girl is just as important as her mother. Fathers teach their daughters how men are supposed to behave.

      Fathers teach their daughters how men treat women. And they do this every moment of every day by their actions and interactions with the women around them.

      How do they treat their own mothers? Their wives? Their daughters? Do they really listen to what women say to them? Do they respect their female relatives' opinions?

      How do they speak about their female coworkers? Their bosses? And at their angriest, do they take out their strength on their wives and daughters?

      Fathers help a daughter define her self-image. She looks in your eyes and sees what you see. She is a reflection of you as much as she is of her mother.

      And you are her protector. And sometimes her excuse to get out of doing things she really doesn't want to do with her friends anyway.

      Don't forget to listen to your daughter, and tell her you love her.

      Books Teenagers Read

      Megatokyo, Vol. 3
      Megatokyo, Vol. 3

      The wildly popular American manga web comic hits its landmark third volume! Piro and Largo are still stuck in Japan, and this odd couple of an anime/manga-obsessed fanboy and a hard-core gamer, are both stirring up trouble, and stringing together awkward crushes. It's a true fantasy existence, as the insane and destructive Largo fights "zombie hordes" and Piro pursues the heart of a budding voice actress. All the while, an expanding cast of surprising and delightful characters keeps the chaos mo...

       
      Yurara, Vol. 5
      Yurara, Vol. 5

      "When a young girl is called to fight evil spirits, she finds incredible strength within herself and incredible love from without. Yurara Tsukinowa is a quiet girl who can see spirits and sense their emotions. Not wanting to seem abnormal, she hides her secret until she meets Mei Tendo and Yako Hoshino, two guys who use their spiritual powers to ward off vengeful spirits. The dormant guardian spirit in Yurara arises and a strong-willed beauty with the power to release souls emerges!When Mei and...

       
      Gossip Girl: #1: A Novel by Cecily von Ziegesar
      Gossip Girl: #1: A Novel by Cecily von Ziegesar

      lder teens and adult readers can't get enough of Gossip Girl, the anonymous narrator who made her catty debut in the bestselling Gossip Girl and titillated readers in the juicy sequel, You Know You Love Me. Now in All I Want Is Everything, readers will love her even more as Gossip Girl dishes up dose after hefty dose of dirt on all her friends-New York's wealthiest private school teens. Sharp wit, intriguing characters, and high-stakes melodrama drive the action of this wildly popular new series...

       
      InuYasha, Vol. 1
      InuYasha, Vol. 1

      Transported back to Japan's feudal era, high school student Kagome accidentally releases the feral half-demon dog boy Inu-Yasha from his imprisonment for stealing the Jewel of Four Souls.

       

      Teens Go Green

      Give your teens a cause to fight for

      Teens need to get involved with something and the green cause is a great cause for them to get involved in. The whole world is going green and it is a positive, healthy goal for any teen or adult.

      Here are some examples of green teen organizations:

      --The Green Teen Community Garden Program

      --Teen Green: Local Teens Making a Difference


      As I find more, I will add them to the list.

      Today's teenagers are standing at the crossroads of environmental history. Global warming will fundamentally change the world as they know it within their lifetime. But how to keep their healthy environmental awareness from becoming environmental anxiety? The secret is to provide them with education and tools for positive action.

      Written in easily accessible language, The Green Teen combines simple and quick eco-friendly tips, interviews with "green teens," ideas for organizing and communicating environmental change, and a host of resources in a handy "grab-and-go" format. Teens will learn:

      * How the choices they make each day impact the environment

      * How to fit eco-friendly decisions into their tight schedules and budgets

      * How to effectively get today's decision makers involved in environmental stewardship

      Teens want to learn how to minimize their environmental impact at home, at school, and in their communities and get their concerns recognized by school officials, politicians, media, and even their own parents. The Green Teen is the book that will help them do it, and it is also a must-read for parents, grandparents, teachers, and school administrators who want to help the next generation make environmentally responsible choices.

      Generation Green: The Ultimate Teen Guide to Living an Eco-Friendly Life

      Review

      "Every generation thinks they want to change the world. If the latest generation is serious about it, Tosh and Linda provide the blueprint. This book is deep and yet fun and smart and filled with great tips, facts, stories, and interviews. Every school needs to have Generation Green as part of their curriculum!"

      -- Ed Begley, Jr., Living with Ed, for Discovery's Planet Green

      "The guide is packed with tons of tips for becoming eco-chic..."

      -- Teen Vogue

      "We've got Generation X and Generation Y. Generation Green has a much better ring to it!"

      -- Amy Edelen, co-host of FreshlyGreen.com & co-owner of YourGuidetoGreen.com

      "Generation Green is a fast-paced and easy read for any young adult who's interested in finding purpose in their life and making a difference. If you know a teen that longs to be inspired by something more than reality TV, Generation Green is chocked full of fun and easy-to-apply actions which prove how small things can make a huge impact. Buy this book for every teen you know and allow them join with us to transform the world!"

      -- James Arthur Ray, New York Times best-selling author of Harmonic Wealth

      "Linda Sivertsen is the greenest person I know. She was born green!"

      -- Leeza Gibbons

      We all know about the Earth's environmental crisis, but there is someone who can truly make a difference: you. If you text your friends or chat with them online, download music to your iPod, or toss bottles and papers into recycling bins, you're already more eco-savvy than you think. It's just as easy to do even more to help save the earth, and Generation Green shows you how. This book:

      * Lays out the inside scoop on the biggest issues affecting our planet, such as global warming and overflowing landfills

      * Offers dozens of tips on how to shop, dress, eat, and travel the green way

      * Includes interviews with teens like you who are involved with fun, innovative green causes

      * Shows that being environmentally conscious can be a natural part of your life -- and your generation's contribution to turning things around.

      It doesn't matter if you can't vote or drive. Your efforts -- big or small -- will contribute to saving the planet. It's time for all of us to take action. It's time to go green!

      At the Tail End

      I have been a mother of teenage daughters for several years, but am finally almost at the tail end of this journey. My younger daughter will turn 18 this year and be an "adult." I have found that while often frustrating, all in all, I would not have missed these years for anything.

      © 2008 Paula Atwell

      Mom, Why Do I Have To. . . . - Finish the Sentence With Your Teen Experiences

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        • thepartyanimal2 profile image

          thepartyanimal2 8 years ago

          be home early - everyone else is allowed to stay out late

        • eccles1 profile image

          eccles1 8 years ago

          'a teenage girl is like living with Dr. Jeckyl and Ms. Hyde. You never quite know which person you are talking to'..tooo funny but so true keep up the great work

        • RuthCoffee profile image

          RuthCoffee 8 years ago

          I never had any teenagers. It was knowing that one day any baby I had would become a teenager that prevented me from having kids. (just kidding, mostly) I know I was a very moody teen!

        • SusannaDuffy profile image

          Susanna Duffy 8 years ago from Melbourne Australia

          Are they really human? Sometimes I wonder about my daughter and try to remember if I found her under a cabbage leaf and have forgotten about it. 5* for reminding me about the importance of building self confidence in teenage girls (and for telling her that you love her)

        • VBright profile image

          VBright 8 years ago

          I have one teen left. IF she survives it! I just keep thinking what I put my parent's through at that age (although, not near as much as she does!) 5*

        • TonyPayne profile image

          Tony Payne 8 years ago from Southampton, UK

          Very nice lens, 5***** Teens are hard to live with, you love them and hate them... With luck they learn to understand where you are coming from by the time they reach their 30's...

        • Wendy L Henderson profile image

          Wendy Henderson 8 years ago from PA

          I have been really blessed. I have two girls Jaimie (17)Jessica 14 and I have a 12 year old named Josh. I love these ages. They are each so unique. I love being their Mom. I love this lens Paula. 5 stars.~Wendy

        • profile image

          rockycha 8 years ago

          Outstanding lens, deep and relevant! High Fives and lensrolled to my girltech. :D

        • evelynsaenz1 profile image

          Evelyn Saenz 8 years ago from Royalton

          In the midst of it all, loving it and hating it and preparing for another round.

        • funwithtrains lm profile image

          funwithtrains lm 8 years ago

          Great lens, 5 stars! My daughter is 5, so luckily I have a little time before I have to deal with most of these concerns.

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          a-ha-design 8 years ago

          I love this lens. Keep it up! :)

        • ZenandChic profile image

          Patricia 8 years ago

          Thank you! I have 3 teenage daughters ages 17, 15 and 13. I needed the manuscript of how to deal with them.

          p.s. I am surviving somehow...lol

        • Rich-H profile image

          Rich 8 years ago from Surrey, United Kingdom

          I have a 27 year old son...and that can be like dealing with a teenager sometimes ;)

        • jimmielanley profile image

          Jimmie Lanley 8 years ago from Memphis, TN, USA

          I've only got a few more years until my Sprite is a teen. Wow do the years go fast! I think that our relationship will weather those storms of the teen years, but I do believe that the foundation is laid now, when the daughter is young.

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          julieannbrady 8 years ago

          Well, if you asked my mom about this, she'd tell you that I personally was an angel amongst my sisters and brother as teenagers!!! Yes, truly. ;) Now, my one sister was rather 'heck on wheels' and the great equalizer -- her daughter turned out to be 'heck on wheels.' Ah, to be a teenager again! Terrifically inspiring lens Paula.

        • Wendy L Henderson profile image

          Wendy Henderson 8 years ago from PA

          Wonderful lens. I have Three teenagers two of which are girls. Jaimie is 17 and Jessica is 14.

        • profile image

          GrowWear 8 years ago

          Lovely lens, Paula!

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          anonymous 8 years ago

          Your lens is inspiring.Sometimes it is difficult to handle teenagers,but with patience and love ,they can understand our point of view.

          Teen parenting Help

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          anonymous 7 years ago

          This is a brilliant lens. One daughter is way past her teens (phew!) but the other two are fast approaching - their poor father is in for such a shock. There''s some great advice here - I agree with the one about "Pick your battles" - I conceded defeat in the "Battle of the untidy bedroom" with Daughter Number 1 as there were others that were more important to fight, like going to school EVERY day!!

          Thank you for this lens Paula, it has reminded me of some very important tactics. SquidAngel Blessings from a grateful Angel.

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          totalhealth 6 years ago

          wonderful lens, this can be very helpful for parents, especially those who are just learning to raise their teens.

        • Paula Atwell profile image
          Author

          Paula Atwell 6 years ago from Cleveland, OH

          @totalhealth: You never stop learning, but I will say that the second time is a little bit easier. :)

        • aka-rms profile image

          Robin S 6 years ago from USA

          Two boys for me! Thanks for the look at the other side. :)

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          StewartBoyle 6 years ago

          This is a great site and set of postings. I wrote a poem recently - 'Whatever' - on my blog site http://www.boylesblog.co.uk/poetry/whatever/ and found your site very affirming for myself as a father of a teenage girl. I think girls are a bit harder to raise than boys but worthwhile if you have a LOT of Patience

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          Donnette Davis 6 years ago from South Africa

          i love this lens, thank you... I have 2 sons and 4 daughters, 2 past their teens and one just entered her teens... Derek is almost 29 and Aiden is almost 6 - the 4 girls are in between... My sons were a walk in the park by comparison :)

        • myraggededge profile image

          myraggededge 5 years ago

          ... go to my room.

          That's how my friend coped with her two daughters - she would shut herself in her bedroom and woe betide the girls if they crossed the threshold.

        • thehouseofinfo lm profile image

          thehouseofinfo lm 5 years ago

          n the age of technology, I feel like there is just too much out there. Every time I think I have figured out all of the social media my daughter is using another one comes about. In terms of my reactions to her behaviors, I find that silence is Golden (if I can handle it!).

        • Stuwaha profile image

          Stuwaha 4 years ago

          Very well written lens. We all need to remember as parents whether to boys or girls or both, that even though being a teen is commonly regarded as the âbest time of your lifeâ, in reality itâs actually absolutely horrible because your emotions and your body are fighting you every step of the way. I just have to hang onto that empathy for another 12 years. :s

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          sherioz 4 years ago

          I wish I had read this when I was raising my two girls. I wasn't able to find a book then that was any help to me.

        • Paula Atwell profile image
          Author

          Paula Atwell 4 years ago from Cleveland, OH

          @sherioz: I have two girls too. And both of them are teenagers right now. :)

        • karMALZEKE profile image

          karMALZEKE 3 years ago

          This all great info. I absolutly agree with you here. NICE

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