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Why do teens feel the need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend

Updated on January 17, 2010

Do teens need relationships

Why do teenagers feel they need to be in a relationship in school?

My 15 yr old has been into boys since 5th grade. A little young but how do you explain it. She went from boyfriend to boyfriend, why? What ever happened to being in a group and hanging out as friends. She is dating this guy now (again) that she has liked for 4yrs. I say again because she dated him 3 yrs ago. They are in 10th grade and talking of moving to CA after high school. That is where she plans on attending college. What's he going to do? Not sure, they haven't thought it through completely. As long as they're together. I laugh. Her grades failing she wanders why everyone is mad at her. Her dad from not wanting to waste college tuition to her grandparents yelling at her to grow up. Seriously? She's 15, smart kid, she chooses not to do the work until last minute. Why? She says its easy. Then it should be done right?

From her mouth... "At my high school if you "date" a boy then you're considered a "sl*t" but if he's your boyfriend then its better that's just the way it is, you wouldn't understand. "

Really I wouldn't understand? It was the same way when I was in school. I just didn't follow the crowd.You want independence, individuality? Then achieve it. 

A relationship adds to the stress of school work, chores, getting a job, learning to drive (safely) and family. Do they really need to worry about what their boyfriend/girlfriend is doing when they are not together?

I actually had a guy at my home at 2am trying to peek thru my daughters window to watch her sleep. I live 5 miles outside of town 3acres, hay field across the street. He parked down the street and walked up my 300ft driveway. all because I took her (& my family) out of state for the 4day weekend to visit family. He was upset the she wasn't with him so he went to another girls house(while we were gone) to make out with her. Then blamed my daughter for not being here. He was gone quickly after that.

Brings me back to the question why do teens feel the need to ad relationships to all the stress they already have? So much drama. Its just not worth it. Have fun but study so you have a head start on life when you graduate.  Life is short... it really is. Enjoy it while you can but remember the choices you make now will affect your future. No matter how small the choices are. 

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      anonymous 19 months ago

      i am 14 years old. i completely understand why there is such an appeal of having a boyfriend but being a teenager myself i don't want a boyfriend whether i have crushes or not. i do know people my age with partner and i just think its silly as they say i love you within the first 5 minutes of "dating" someone. no-one actually takes other peoples feelings seriously at my age and no-one i know is mature enough to know what love is as far as i know, i only researched this for an essay i'm writing for my pshe class but it has been ver helpful, thankyou.

    • profile image

      Teenmom44 2 years ago

      My son is only 13.This year it is one girlfriend after another.Its like he is afraid to be without one.It drives me crazy i try to tell him how friends (male and female)are important but its not clicking his grades are going down hill cause all he cares about is getting the girl

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 3 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      My daughter is twenty and hasn't met a single chap eventhough her school is a mix girls n boys . She doesn't like the idea of dating

    • profile image

      3 years ago

      Thing is, sometimes it isn't their fault. I know you said your daughter has gone from boyfriend to boyfriend - that is what you should be asking about. Im 14, I didn't mean to fall in love with my boyfriend, but I did. We were friends before.

      I think it is a problem when they go from one to another but not otherwise so long as they can cope. I cope fine. I get A*s, in fact he has helped me so I guess it depends on your daughter

    • profile image

      neha 3 years ago

      really good for us teenagers cause at age of jus 15 i don thnk dat i should hve any boyfriend ,even i would lyk to be with my frnds only.

    • profile image

      HollywoodUndeadFan 3 years ago

      I agree. I'm 14 years old and don't want to be in a relationship right now. At my school, relationships are crazy. This girl at my school had a boyfriend when she was 10. Also my friend dated this guy only because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. Also the part where you said the guy was watching your daughter sleep...that was just creepy O_O.

    • profile image

      Tom 4 years ago

      Sometimes it's about just having companionship and someone to share with. Not all teens are close to their parents.

    • harrymelcars profile image

      harrymelcars 4 years ago

      I find myself baffled by the teens that insist on having a boyfriend/girlfriend constantly. After much consideration I've decided for many it's a safety net - and the purpose of said safety net differs for individuals.

      Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope all works out for the best with your teen.

    • profile image

      Personally... 5 years ago

      I think the thing about it being a cultural obsession is true. I'm almost 16 and have never had a boyfriend, and today was the first time that I actually talked to someone else who was in the same boat as me. I'd like to date because a) I'm the odd one out if I don't b) I feel like if I don't date now, I'll be super inexperienced by the time I graduate high school c) I want to actually know what people are talking about when they talk about that kind of relationship. On the other hand, I probably won't date until I'm older because I don't see the point in investing in a relationship that will go nowhere with no net benefit for anyone. I don't think teen dating is a definite bad thing, though, and there ARE some high school relationships (though rare) that are healthy and sane and mature and long-term.

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      Peanut 5 years ago

      Cool story bro :)

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      Dont assume 5 years ago

      It isn't always teenage hormones and culture and superficial. Don't look for an easy explanation. I am 18 and have been ready to settle down and commit to one single girl since I was fourteen. Hormones don't help teens make decisions. don't get me wrong. its tough. but there isn't some cookie cutter answer. everyone is different. Of course im not a typical teen. everyone I know says ive been "35 since I was 13" . give your daughter a chance though. the thing we crave more than anything is love and support. guide gently. or hope she has the strength to stand on her own. don't throw her to the wolves. hang in there.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      The teen years should be preparatory years. Preparing for college and future jobs/ career. The focus of one's teenage years should be education. Dating and relationships can came later when one is an adult and can understand the nature of such relationships.

    • profile image

      Alex 5 years ago

      I feel the same way. Teenage dating is only to make YOURSELF happy, and that's why it never lasts.

    • profile image

      123dancelola 6 years ago

      hi i think teens do not need boyfriens as they are to young and it is unreasonable to be going out and the age to start going out is 18-up

    • mrssuzstar profile image

      mrssuzstar 6 years ago from San Antonio, TX

      Totally agree here! I didn't date in high school, not because there weren't opportunities but because I didn't WANT to. I was a very driven young woman and I wanted to get out of high school without any real issues. Love your thoughts.

    • profile image

      0.o 6 years ago

      you guys just saved my life!!!!!

      i finally found the answer to my sports assignment and i'm no longer going to fail :D thank you!!!

    • profile image

      Anon 6 years ago

      Bravo!!! Bravo!!! :)

      This is a very helpful post. Thank you :)

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 6 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Totally agree.

    • profile image

      Anon 6 years ago

      Im a 16 year old guy, You just helped me a lot

      thank you

    • profile image

      Tawny 8 years ago

      I'm 18, never had a crush or boyfriend, and I ask myself that everyday. >.> Hell I STILL think I'm too young for a boyfriend. I'm just happy with my friends right now. But so few people are just happy with having friends...

    • profile image

      Anonymous 8 years ago

      I want to thank you for putting this up here and am sad to see that there are no comments.I agree that kids are much too focused on being in a relationship. But it is hard to blame them when this idea is represented in almost every song, movie, show, or book you come across. Our culture has become obsessed with “love” and finding your significant other again and again and again. I understand why that would appeal to kids in high school, but they are still kids and need to focus on school and their friends like you stated earlier. I found that I was happiest in high school when I was single and could spend more time doing what I wanted to do and not worrying about what my boyfriend thought. No matter what you tell your daughter I’m sure she’ll choose to believe the accepted obsession instead but you could still try explaining to her that she is very young and has the rest of her life to enjoy the pleasures of a partner. Life is indeed too short to worry only about that.

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