- Family and Parenting
The Toughest Decisions You Might Ever Make In Your Life
Making decisions have never been easy. This is usually because most people are not capable enough to deal with the consequences of the decisions they have made. Most of our decisions involve the case of “opportunity cost” and the prioritizing which is usually not as easy as we may have wanted it to be.
Sometimes we are faced with so many options that we cannot exactly state or insist on what we really want and when we think we might just be satisfied with the one we have got, another one comes out to move us back to square one as confusion takes over. The attendant problem herein lies in making choice from a list of several options.
Some say decision making is swifter if we are faced with the odd situation of having very limited options. It might be true but then it doesn’t deny the fact that when our choices are limited, we might think we are not getting the best deal which invariably means we might just like to delay our final decision for a while.
There is also the case of Oliver Twist whereby we will always be in the need for wanting some more of anything we have been given. This is usually demonstrated in areas where we find it so hard to become satisfied with what we've got. There is always this belief that we could have gotten some more. The obvious problem here is usually greed and insatiability.
All in all, it all boils down to the fact that decision making does not come off that easily. No wonder most people will even prefer that someone else makes the decision for them so that they will not have to deal with all that regret, the guilt, the betrayal of trust and loyalty by double-crossing, the disappointment, the stepping on toes, being called arrogant or inhuman, being hated or bashed severely and called all sorts of names.
But then, having taken a closer look to this all important aspect of decision making, I have come to spot some of the hardest decisions that most people do face. What makes these types of decisions the most difficult is the fact that they must be made and dealt with personally by the decision maker himself.
What are those decisions? OK, I will proceed to mention those ones I was able to identify. My purpose in this hub is to try to identify some of those hard decisions and also maybe throw in a couple of suggestions on how we can overcome the difficult task of making decisions on them. So if you are ready, let’s closely look at them now.
Whom to marry
Choosing whom to finally get married to is not easy by any means. Obviously there are choices to be made as well as options to be abandoned.
One man who agreed to get married to a girl almost chickened out moments before the wedding. His reasons: he wasn't sure again if he was not making the mistake of his lifetime!
Was he tempted? What was actually wrong with him? When the truth finally came out, it was even more shocking. He has just discovered that he preferred his fiancée’s younger sister.
The furor he almost caused with that decision didn't go down with everybody who personally knew him simply because people who saw him initially with the girl thought theirs was the most perfect union. So what on earth was he yakking about? Besides, many people were so disappointed to think that he was not man enough…
You might be thinking that there are so many men and women out there to get married to when the time comes but the truth is that when the time finally comes, one might be easily overwhelmed with the process of filtering and selecting whom s/he wants amongst the so many available options.
A friend of mine once confessed to me that his greatest problem right now is that amongst all the girls he has ever been with, NONE is a marriage material!
I didn’t blame him. I already knew where his problems were coming from. It was not actually the women, it was him. I knew already that he was having great problems with making decisions.
Another thing that makes the decision of whom to marry so difficult is that even though so many people who mean well for you might make their suggestions on why so, so and so person will make a good wife or husband for you, and some others might even go as far as setting up the two of you, deep within you, you already know that at the end of the day, you are the one who is going to be living together under the same roof with that very person they might have chosen for you; and not them.
When to end a relationship
Ending any relationship is not easy, though for some people it is even easier than you might think. Some people are experts in moving on once a relationship ends but then most people are not able to do so with ease.
This is why some people even prefer to stick with a dying relationship with the faltering hope that something might just happen (yet again) and theirs might change direction and stop heading for the rocks.
Some people do withstand a lot while some other people go through a lot is trying to sustain their relationship.
It is not that those people cannot just wake up and walk out of the relationship. It is usually because doing so usually comes with a lot of physical, financial and emotional consequences which one may not be so prepared to deal with.
When to grow up
We decide when we really want to grow up but making such decisions are not also easy. This is usually because growing up comes with a lot of responsibility and accountability.
When you finally decide to be matured enough to start taking up the responsibility of taking care of yourself and other people as the case might be, you will seriously discover that the world is a lot more less rosier than you ever imagined.
The task ahead for someone who has decided to grow up is quite daunting. You will personally start looking out for yourself. You will also be ready to answer to some people in the higher authority.
The day you decide to grow up, no one will remind you that significantly you have also chosen to become financially independent on anybody else.
You might also be forced with the task of showing that resilience which will serve as a proof or warning to your family members, peers, colleagues and foes who think you will falter because you cannot stand on your own that they thought so wrong.
Such onerous tasks might encourage someone to decide never to grow up!
Differentiating between want and need
To some people there is actually no difference between want and need and if there's any, it is considered to be quite insignificant which means that we may always end up having serious difficulties in marking that difference.
This situation could be as a result of compulsive buying habit whereby we might have this tendency to buy anything that catches our fancy just because it catches our eyes not minding whether we really need it or not.
There is also the habit of wanting some things just for the purpose of impressing another person. I read somewhere that if we can really make that differentiation; chances are that most of things we own are nothing but superfluous items.
When it is real love
When you start feeling love, you don’t need anybody to tell you because no one can tell you what you are feeling or what the other person is actually feeling for you.
And that is where the whole confusion starts. Sometimes, when you think it could be love, you will surprisingly find out at the end of the day that it was actually infatuation or lust.
People might initiate love affections on you when they start acting in a particular way towards you. You will detect their interest in you and you might have no other option other than to reciprocate but you might still have that little inborn need to wait a little bit more and apply a little caution before jumping in...
This is usually because our minds could always play tricks on us. What you think could be love coming from this person to you might actually be a new form of pretense which you have never experienced before designed as a camouflage but with the sole intention of exploiting you.
When to give up
Giving up finally is not easy. Most times this is simply because it is never advisable to do so and anybody who gives up is usually considered a failure as that is one of the greatest limiting fear that most people have.
Giving up comes at a great cost. It involves that accusing internal thoughts on whether you have really done the best you can or whether you should continue pushing on even when it seems like there is no more hope.
You also have to count the losses and the pains and the trials and temptations. There are lots and lots of things to consider before one can actually say s/he is finally giving up and is also ready to face any subsequent result of being considered a failure.
So making that conscious decision to know when to finally give up should the need arise is amongst the hardest decisions any human being can ever make.
Whom to confide in
It is always difficult to find someone you can completely trust. In fact, one of my favorite quotes I got from the Nick Carter character of that Nick Carter Spy thriller is that “three people can keep a secret if two are dead!”
And it is so true.
Sometimes you know you must confide in someone but the greatest challenge you might face is to identify that very person who you will completely trust like you trust yourself.
For some people it is usually their love partners or close friends, for some other people it is usually their family members but to some others, there might be nobody who will do the job 100%.
One other reason confiding in people might be hard is because those whom you tell your problems or worries might even start using that same information against you. Some people are actually spies and they know how to mask their identity with so much display of affection and concern to the extent that the uninitiated might easily be fooled.
All these factors make finding who to really confide in become a real uphill task.
Which profession to choose
Choosing a profession may also introduce some form of confusion. There might be a case of conflict of interest whereby a person knows what profession s/he is capable of doing well in while some other persons usually the parents, guardians or financiers sponsoring this person prefers another type of profession for him or her.
There is also the situation where an all-rounder will find it hard to select a particular profession simply because he is multi-talented.
The issue of availability of jobs also forms a strong determinant towards the choosing of career/profession. You might find out that even though you know you will love a particular subject in the school, there may be little or no opportunity for you simply because the demand for that field of study where you are coming from is almost zero which means you just have to reconsider and readjust in your career choice.
When to quit an addiction
Most addicts find it hard to quit. It is not because they don’t know the extent of the harm they are doing to themselves (an even to others in the process), it may be simply because they just don’t know how to deal with the subsequent effect.
This is not helped in any way by the fact that some addictions can actually be pleasurable which is even why it is so addictive in the first place.
A lot of people are addicted to so many things. It might be addiction as a result of terrible habits like smoking, alcohol and drug abuse. Some other forms of addiction may come in the form of video games, internet browsing and online chat, TV and p0rn0graphy.
The later types of addiction are even harder to separate from because their effects do not actually manifest physically on the victim which makes them even harder to treat because the victim may not even be aware of the damage going on gradually on the inside.
But assuming an addict is brave enough to admit to him or herself that enough is enough, s/he might face the problem of retrogression if the willpower as well as the external help s/he needs to overcome the temptation is not there, most especially when the victim is always surrounded by fellow addicts who are not even thinking of quitting!