- Family and Parenting»
- Parenting Skills, Styles & Advice
What Makes A Mother
There Are Many Components That Go Into The Formula Of Motherhood
Mothers are females who are given the incredible opportunity to raise young. There are many facets to motherhood and no mother is perfect, but some are without a doubt better than others at performing their child rearing duties.
In honor of mother's day I have written this page in great personal detail, highlighting and explaining why I am so thankful for my mother and why I have nothing but respect for every great mother that I meet.
My Biological Mother
My childhood was inconsistent, stressful and abusive due to my biological mother being chronically immature, profoundly mentally ill and very poorly supervised.
I'm not going to go into detail here about the extent of the abuse because it's a sore and private topic, however it is worth mentioning in the context of this page because after fighting for my freedom to live in a safe and stable environment for over a year I managed to get legally removed from her custody when I was 15.
My father's sister, who supported me in this separation was made my legal guardian until I was 18 and having the opportunity to live with her changed my life.
My relationship with my biological mother was unfortunately irrecoverable for me as a result of her words and actions when "stable" over the course of those years when she had complete control of my life. It is true that there are only so many times the person who is supposed to love you the most in the whole world can break your heart before you have nothing but numbness left for them.
To this day I consider my Auntie to be my true mother without question or hesitation.
My Auntie - My True Mother
My Auntie is one of the most selfless people I have ever met. This is evident in her dedication to her family and especially to her children.
She never had to step up to the plate and fight to save me from the toxic environment that I was in but she did because she loved me. There was nothing at all for her to gain, as a single mom, financially or otherwise except an extra mouth to feed and the responsibility of raising an emotionally damaged teenager in addition to her own three biological children who were 8, 12 and 12 at the time.
Besides showing me what an appropriate mother daughter relationship was and what a normal, safe and stable household was like my Auntie instantly ended the bullying I had received in school since the first grade in one fell swoop.
For the first time in my life I had a parent who taught me practical life skills, took an interest in my academics and worked to build my self esteem up from the absolute nothing it had been crushed into.
In the space of a year I transformed from a kid who was failing in school and thought so little of herself she believed that she actually deserved the torment and ridicule of her peers, to a confident A/B student. This was all thanks to having a true mother and a consistent home life.
My cousins and I lived as siblings and in addition to gaining three siblings I also gained a stepfather who provided me with the positive paternal role model I'd never had before. With my stepfather came an additional two step siblings.
I was cared for from every angle and never felt like a burden again.
I live on a different continent than my family and I bought this for my Auntie's last birthday. It is beautiful and the sentiment is perfect.
My Life As A Mother
I have been a mother myself for nearly a year now. I look into my daughter's beautiful face and I am sometimes moved to tears with the overwhelming love that I have for her.
I spent months studying my little girl while trying to wrap my head around how my biological mother could have looked into my face the same way and still managed to make so many conscious decisions to hurt me the way she did. I've come to the conclusion that there is no logic to be had.
In January 2103 My biological mother passed away. I discovered upon hearing the news that I genuinely have nothing left for her. I can't even mourn. It has been very surreal.
Becoming a mother has been the most rewarding experience of my life. I will admit that I have good days and I have challenging days. Parenthood is a learning experience, which is not all sunshine and roses, but my sweet little girl has the power to make everything better with a single smile and going forward I will continue to dedicate every part of myself to becoming the very best mother that I can be for her.
I am not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination, but I do consider myself to be genuinely blessed to have the opportunity to be a mother and to have my Auntie as well as all of the other fantastic mom's in my life to learn from and to look up to.
So the question that began this page was "What Makes A Mother" and in conclusion I can say that based on my life experience it's got nothing to do with biology, or money, or good intentions. It has everything to do with an individual and that individual's capacity to love and nurture a developing child that may or may not have been carried in her womb.
A true mother wants nothing more than to see her children succeed. She rejoices in every accomplishment. She embraces her children's individuality. She nurtures budding interests. She plays an active role. She is a fierce protector. She is honest and fair. She takes all of the bad with the good and never makes you feel like you're unwanted even when you're a royal pain in the backside.
Above all else she is a source of unconditional love.
Mother's day is a day to celebrate these women and to remind those of us who are lucky enough to have had true mothers, that we have so much to be thankful for in them and that even when they make us crazy, we are the fortunate ones.
Happy Mother's Day
All photographs on this page were taken by myself or my husband (unless otherwise stated) and I do not give permission for them to be used elsewhere.