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Why Single Mothers Abandon Their Children

Updated on August 26, 2016

Many mothers abandon their children for love. They explain, I love him and want to be with him. But does such a comment provide a legitimate insight into abandonment? There is no clean cut answer as to the “whys” because it is difficult to pin point someone’s consciousness, nevertheless there are some factors, some insights, and some indicators as to why someone does what he do. Consequently, as to single mothers and why they abandon their kids for their lover, there are some obvious and not so obvious indicators to help understand why they do what many consider an incomprehensible act.


You hear about what starts out to be a love story of boy meets girl, girl falls in love but here is where the love story deviates into a nightmare. Girl falls in love with her supplier of drugs or some form of control substance and she readily gets addicted. At the beginning of the relationship he knew her to be a mother, but it matter not, they are in love and her children - a package deal. But the deal goes sower quickly as his addiction becomes her addiction and due to the mental and emotional imbalance caused by the substance abuse, they both live in a world of instant gratification. One quiet unsettling morning she runs off with her lover because he said the kids are better off without her and any extra income is for the purchase of drug or alcohol to benefit their pleasure principle.

Mother abandons her kids and her indicator is her addiction. She is strung out on drugs, or alcoholic. Her mind is on the next fix or the next alcoholic drink and her offspring are at home neglected and destitute. Eventually the kids are discovered, and if a father is involved they are placed in his care leaving the desertion of their mother to linger with them all their lives.

Mental Illness

Abandonment is not just the absence of the body, it can also be emotional abandonment both of which has a strong negative impact on the children within the household. Postpartum depression is one of the biggest indicator of a mother’s abandonment of her child. The chemical imbalance within her system distorts her cognitive abilities and what was once unlikely becomes very possible. Mother abandons her child with no remorse or very little thought to the long term ramification. Baby is left in the crib to cry for hours as mom sits on the sofa staring into space. For some mothers postpartum can last for a year. Since this depression can effect mothers at various stages baby will have been neglect a vast majority of time. Other mental illnesses such as psychosis, paranoia, as well as bi-polar also has a strong hold on single mothers and often render them inadequate when it comes to healthy parenting. Therefore, when the distraction in the form of man shows up, neglecting their children and putting their lovers’ need ahead of the family proved to be more natural than maternal instinct.

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CC by Flickr | Source

Borderline Emotionally Unstable

You might have the misfortune of interacting with these women who frequently find themselves “in love”. They often talk about the new guy and how he is the one and then three months later when you ask about “the one” the response starts and ends with “we broke up”. They are quick to lose their temper and just as quick to act as if nothing happened after a heated argument. They are impulsive creatures seeking affection through different companionship. They too can become parents and when they are stability in the home is a major issue. So when “the one’ shows up and stays longer than usual the children become just an afterthought and as such will be left behind. These moms usually return home teary eyed and full of promises with the hope of reconciliation

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CC by Flickr | Source

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Financial Pressure

Let’s face it, it cost to raise children and to do so without personal financial sacrifice is near to impossible for single mothers. This financial strain can leave many strained, depressed and despondent so when a man comes along whispering sweet nothings in a mother’s ears then it is easy to look away from the children and believe his deceptive words. He never delivers on his promises of taking care of the children, in fact he moves towards leaving them behind by suggesting the father get soul custody or that they are left with their grandparents or when desperate with an aunt or uncle. At this point the single mother is hooked, dependent on this man for emotionally and financial support so walking away from her child is a natural next step. For many mothers, the relationship between them and the man is severed when his true intent becomes apparent. However, there are some who cannot break free from their lover’s strong hold and find themselves detached from their children.

CC by Flickr
CC by Flickr | Source

Adventure Seeker

There are some mothers who just love “to do things”. They go clubbing every night, they travel out of town a lot. As family and friends observe these varying social activities, the question why did you have a child surfaces. Their outburst response having a child was the biggest mistake of their lives, is a tell all of their disposition. Consequently, when the first opportunity arrives, usually in the form of a man, to walk away they do so and never look back.

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CC by Flickr | Source

Insecurity, Desperation And Fear

Countless single mothers, with multiple children, embrace the notion that a man will never want them. There are some men who agree with this mentality and think nothing of preying on these women. These men present a wonderful world of love and care for the entire family but in reality look to exploit the insecurity of this single mother. And in the end, the single mother, because she does not want to be alone chooses the man over her kids.

When a single mother leaves her child behind it is not only about the man, he is just the catalyst. There exist more than one particular reason for abandoning a child. For single mothers abandonment begins with this and ends with that; they live in the world of impulsiveness and cannot seem to exit that world. They are trapped and do not know how to rectify with repentance what they did. So their children remain with rejection and thereafter the insecurity of being unwanted.


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