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Father, Who Are You?

Updated on March 13, 2011

Father, who are you? You are the person I visit with on weekends and during holidays. Our visit usually involve us enjoying a movie or picnic along with the company of a female companion...possibly soon-to-be stepmother. Other times, our arranged visits ended up at one of our family member's home such as a Sunday dinner or even a summer barbecue. I have wondered what it would be like to have you all to myself for just one day. But it's too late now, you are no longer here.

As my age draw near to your age in which you left, I question what do I really know about you. Let us start from the beginning. I remember one evening when my mother got me dressed to attend a concert at the band shell in Grant Park. I met a beautiful young woman, who I thought was going to be my stepmother. I believe I had to be seven years old. Your courtship did not last that long. We visited my future stepmother's parents only once, and I never saw her again.

My following visit did bring a stepmother this time. She was sort a Joy Behar type, very outgoing and vibrant person. Yes, according to the family grapevine, she was much younger than you. We did visit with her family, and this time you all did become committed to each other. After that, I did not see you quite as much. Some say it's because of your new family, others say my mother was responsible. I say neither excuse merit you not coming around or limiting my visits.

By my eighth birthday, I welcomed my new baby sister. I really liked my second family more than ever. I liked them so much, that I did not anticipate being treated like an outsider in the future. Everything seemed normal, we all got together for church with my new grandparents. We even spent holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. I also remember taking a family trip during summer vacation.

When I graduated from middle school, I was so happy and proud that you came. As I continued on through high school, I still visited during the holidays and some summers. But our visit were not as pleasant as I have remembered them to be. There were accusations on both sides of the family, causing distance between myself and my second family. Our family outings finally decreased. By the time I graduated and started college, we saw each other maybe once or twice a year. I remember you asking me, "how can you miss something that you never had". Well, you still can miss something that you never had. When you see or hang around other families with stepchildren and stepparents who exhibit enormous amount of closeness. It proves those types of families can be a normal caring family. And this is how you miss what you never had.

For all the times, we argued and fought, we could have spentĀ it learning and understanding one another. The day I watch you go into the ground, I realized how much time was wasted. All in all, I did get to know who you were. I remembered I did have you all to myself, we rode our bikes and I really cherish that moment with you. Father, I did know you.


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