10 Eating Habits that Might Make Me Dislike You
1. BITING a cinnamon roll instead of unravelling it
WHY?! I don’t understand it. It’s not just a regular bun, it’s all rolled up, so why not unravel it slowly and enjoy it, instead of taking a chunk out of it like a wild animal? P.S. If you do this, I can only imagine what you are like in bed.
2. Putting ketchup on macaroni and cheese
Eww, no. Get out. No, I don’t care if it’s dry. Just add some water or milk to it and reheat it. You have no excuse!
3. Eating broccoli raw
That’s just gross. Raw broccoli tastes exactly like dirt. Also, it’s not very good for you to eat it raw; the cellulose and insoluble fibre it contains are so rigid that it’s hard for your stomach to digest. Did I mention that it’s also gross?
4. Eating salad without dressing
What are you, a Puritan? Or just a bunny rabbit? What would you like for your main course, some boiled cabbage and plain brown rice? Ick. Throw some balsamic on that thing, at least!
5. Covering everything in hot sauce
Just... why? It’s not like you can taste anything under all that hot sauce, so what’s even the point of eating anything that’s not hot sauce? Seeing as you can't taste anything else, how will you know if you are eating something that's gone bad? Or might the hot sauce kill the bacteria? I don’t want to find out.
6. Covering everything in cheese
This is fundamentally the same as covering everything in hot sauce, just a little classier. Still, you are completely masking the flavours of what you're eating when you do this, so you may as well just eat a wheel of cheese and be done with it, Monterey Jack.
7. Drowning your pancakes/waffles in maple syrup
I’m not talking about being a little bit liberal with the syrup - that's okay (sometimes you've just got to). I’m talking about when your pancakes look like a small castle sunk in a huge moat of syrup. That’s just overkill, and you know it.
8. Overcooking your food
You know who you are - you cook your pasta until it’s a congealed lump in the bottom of the pot, you won’t eat vegetables unless they’re falling apart, and you boil everything with tonnes of salt, even if it came from a can to begin with (i.e. boiling canned peas. *Shiver*). If you do this, either your culinary taste never developed past infancy, or you have the palate of a centenarian. Either way, you need to work on that.
9. Eating Spam/canned meats
Spam, Vienna Sausages, whatever. That is pig meat that came from a can, dude! Canned meat is perhaps the vilest substance known to man, and I would hesitate to even classify it as food. I don’t care if you say fried Spam is delicious; I will still dry-heave at the thought of it, and I will judge you.
10. Preferring processed baked goods to handmade ones
You prefer Oreos to homemade cookies? You like Twinkies more than angel food cake? What is wrong with you?! I will completely question your tastes in pretty much everything else if you think this way. Why like the cheap stuff better than the real thing? Clearly you don’t know what’s good.
And there you have it
A few more of the many small things I secretly (or not-so-secretly) disapprove of in people.