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Bite me

Updated on May 22, 2009

It seldom gets too excited, doesn’t get me pregnant, isn’t jealous, doesn’t need or want foreplay, doesn’t compare me with a playmate and respects me early in the morning. Never too nervous to do what it’s supposed to do, satisfying me and never asking me if he’s the best and how it was for me

My ex boyfriend? No..

This one stays hard for at least a week, doesn’t explode in my face or between my breast and when I got a good one, it's at least 25 cm long and isn’t jealous and when I want it, always hard and doesn’t even care if I’m a virgin or not.

Ohh it’s so easy to pick one. Even in the supermarket if I want to. When I want, how I want. And it even gets better, doesn’t even care how much I want and doesn’t mind my age.

The 18 year old guy behind the pay desk? No, no, no not him either ….

There are times that I take more than one and there are evenings I get more than two. To be honest as many as I want to, as much as I can handle. And if my mother comes by by surprise, he doesn’t mind to hide in the fridge.

One (or two or more) of the guys from the football team? Nononono….

This one doesn’t write my name and phone number on the walls and doors in the toilets, doesn’t give me hickeys and doesn’t even care what time of the month it is and I can even share a one person’s bedroom with it.

So let me introduce you to my new addiction.

The cucumber

Cucumbers are eaten as both a fruit and a vegetable. In Holland it’s mostly eaten raw and is used in salads

There are so many things you can do with it. Easy and simple things, to enjoy when you want, where you want.

If you think you can’t handle it to read what I do with it, stop right here because I’m going to write down my favorite things I do with the cucumber.

Cucumber snack

You’ll only need 10 minutes to make this snack. It’s healthy and has a great taste

You’ll need:

1 cucumber

150 gr cream cheese

100 gr smoked salmon fillet

Salt and pepper

Cut the cucumber in four equal parts. Hollow the parts out with a teaspoon. (Only take the seeds out) Mix the cream cheese with the smoked salmon and add salt and pepper to your own taste. Take the filling and put it into the cucumber you’ve just hollowed out. You can cut the cucumber in even smaller parts if you want to now and put it in the fridge for a little while before enjoying it.

Cucumber boat.

It’s fun to make with children and it’s much healthier than a big Mac from Mac Donald’s.

You’ll need:

1 cucumber

Potato salad (fresh made or from the supermarket)

4 hotdogs

Cherry tomatoes

And 1 carrot

Some lettuce

Cut the outer endings from the cucumber, cut the cucumber in half and cut it again but now in length.

Get the seeds out. Put some lettuce on a plate (this will be the ocean) fill up the parts with potato salad and put the parts on to the lettuce. Take the hotdogs and cut them in half in length and put these along sides on the boat as if they are the peddles. Use the cherry tomatoes as “the crew “on the potato salad. Cut triangular parts from the carrot and use these as the sails.

And row row row your boat right into the little mouths.

 Sometimes a cucumber is even better than a guy... haha

sometimes it can be so simple
sometimes it can be so simple


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    • Vee Rose profile image

      Vee Rose 

      9 years ago

      Funny and original.

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 

      9 years ago from Chicago

      Hopefully, with tender mercy

    • Lazur profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from Netherlands

      It can get more witty James... Just tell us how you handle your cuke... I mean how do you like your cuke.. lol

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 

      9 years ago from Chicago

      This is witty! I love cukes meself.

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 

      9 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!


    • Lazur profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from Netherlands

      Cuke is great anyway.. and you can belch great after you've eaten too much:P


    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 

      9 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Cuke boats are so great! When I was a kid at grown up parties the women were always on diets so there would be a big bowl of sliced cukes in apple cider vinegar/water and ice cubes in the middle of their chat corner.. snarf snarf snarf.. Love thoes cukes!


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