Bizarre Milk Containers Strike a Pose
"What is With These Quirky Milk Jugs?"
As I entered a Costco one sunday morning, I couldn't help but notice those new, funky containers of milk in the dairy / clothing / tire aisle. "What the heck are those?" my girlfriend exclaimed, "I'm... i'm not sure..." I responded curiously.
Upon investigation, they seemed to be perfectly square, and I could stack five on top of each other! "Please don't do that with the milk, sir" a lurking associate pleaded--so I disassembled the beginning stages of my milk fort and pouted silently.
"Really though..." I asked myself "What is with these quirky milk jugs?"
I did some research, and apparently they are the wave of the future for milk. They are supposedly "greener" and less expensive for milk producers. Odd, I thought, but okay, i'll buy one for inspection, research and consumption the next time I go to Costco.
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"Bizarre creatures, they are" as I mumbled in my yoda-like voice. They seem to breed like rabbits in the Costco dairy aisle, as I could not find a normal, not-inbred gallon of milk. That's okay though, since I was out to lug one of these beasts home anyway. "Where are the regular gallons of milk" I asked before leaving Costco--"Oh, we don't carry those anymore, we only carry these" the cashier replied.
"WHAAT?! Oh well, that's okay. I can always go to safeway for a normal jug o' cow's juice." I responded distastefully.
As I travelled to my vehicle with my new companion, I couldn't help but notice how monolithic milk had become. How and why did milk evolve into... this. Is this really the next stage in the evolution and genesis of milk as we know it?
Alas though, the experiment continued as soon as I got home. The milk was difficult to pour, but sufficed. I imagined it would be difficult for kids (a.k.a. people who should not utilize jugs of milk) to open and thus pour into their sippy cups. That job should always be left to adults--it's a no brainer.
I looked at the receipt and noticed that the price was significantly lower than the normal breed of milk containers. "$2.19 for a gallon? My lord, should I turn myself in?" I felt like I was stealing, the price was so low. Yet, that's the glory--these new monsters really are less expensive for milk producers. Those who produce milk (or milk farmers, whatever you want to call them) only make about seventeen cents per gallon of milk with the old containers--they double and sometimes triple their profits with the new containers, depending on who you talk to.
"So why are the new jugs 'green'? What makes them 'green'?" I asked the manager of a Sam's Club on the phone, "Oh, the new dairy recepticles are more cost effective due to logistics--they can fit four to five thousand more recepticles of milk per truck than the old containers". Why was she calling them recepticles? They don't carry trash--they carry milk.
Nonetheless, she made perfect sense; "Oh I see, so the shape of the recepticle gives optimal geometry in the freight process, thus increasing the amount of milk per square foot within the respective perameters of the logistics device?" was my response, "Um, yes" she said with a verbal question mark.
So it was true, the new recepticles (yuck) provided more effective space-area inside a truck, so that more milk could be fit inside, thus reducing the amount of freight trips needed per week for a given store. Brilliant! The carbon foot print of a gallon of milk will correspondingly go down!
I like it. I think I can live with this new breed of milk.