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Coconut Wine Making
Raw Materials For Coconut Wine
How not to make coconut wine
Our local grocery store had a massive 'home brew' promotion, with all the equipment one would ever need to make wine and beer.
Among the vast display there were books, DVDs, recipe cards and even experts; all available to give advice and instructions on wine making and home brewing.
There was even small samples of all the different types of home-made beers include traditional ales to modern fruit beers. Time for me to sample a small beer or two - sadly the samples were in eye-wash size cups.
Ask wine expert
It was all rather interesting but everybody was very serious, in fact far too serious and time for me to add some fun into the mix.
I decided to test the experts and see how far their home brew knowledge went.
The promotion stand was all about home brew and staff seemed very passionate and knowledgeable.
So here is what I did to lighten up the pitch. After going off to pick up five coconuts from the fresh produce department I took them to the Customer Service Desk. I asked the lady there if I could speak with an expert from the wine department and without further ado she used the public address microphone and requested that the wine department manager comes to the 'help desk'.
Without further ado, Simon from 'wines' promptly appeared and looking at my coconuts he asked if I was seeking recommendation of a suitable wine to go nicely with a coconut based desert or perhaps an authentic Korma Curry.
Safe methods to make coconut wine
I commented that I was extremely impressed with his astute perception but informed him that it wasn't food and wine matching advice I needed. I went on to explain that I simply wondered if he could provide a safe method of making coconut wine.
He gestured towards the wine making books and I felt it was a good time to explain that my wife had recently seriously damaged both her ankles whilst trying to crush the coconuts to make the wine.
His facial expressions changed several times whilst his brain tried to fathom out what I had just said.
He then admitted that he didn't think that coconut wine was made in the same method as treading grapes, but apologized for not being able to help as he was the manager for bottled wines, but promised to go with me to the wine making promotion to take expert advice.
Whilst walking over to the home brew/wine making department I explained that I had read it in a book that crushing the wine ingredients with ones feet was the favoured and traditional way to extract the necessary liquids to make wine.
Simon didn't appear to be open to this unorthodox suggestion but still thought it prudent to seek expert advice. As he approached one of the demonstrators, I retreated behind the books, pretending to browse whilst I heard him say; “Hello, I'm Simon from wines; just a quick question; is there a better way make coconut wine without breaking your ankles?”
The expert replied in astonishment; “How on earth can you break your ankles making coconut wine?”.
Simon retorted “Treading the coconuts as they do with grapes!”
The wine making expert shouted over to his colleague; “Mr Froome, the wine expert from the store is under the impression that coconut wine is made by treading the shells in bare feet”
After stuttering and stammering with embarrassment; Simon turned around to involve me and as a matter of urgency get him out of a situation that was compromising his own reputation, wine knowledge and expertise, but I was watching from afar and kept a very low profile as a vast number of bystanders thought it very funny.
How Funny Do You Think This Prank Is?
A Bit of Coconut Wine Trivia
There is a sort of coconut wine. Officially it is called palm wine, an alcoholic beverage made from the sap of a variety of species of palm trees including; palmyra, date palms, and coconut palms. Known as kallu (in South India), palm toddy, or in North India it is simply called toddy / tadi.