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Evil Fortunes Found In Fortune Cookies...

Updated on December 22, 2009

A few months ago, my Wife and I were dining out at a popular Chinese food restaurant and when the check came, so did the customary fortune cookies. I've always thought that fortune cookies are kind of a paradox - not quite a dessert but missed if they aren't there after finishing your Kung-Pao chicken... Personally, I find them to be rather bland considering the fascinating history of their origins, yet I do find them to be a fun and quirky way to wrap up a good meal. All that said, fortunes found inside the cookie are supposed to be positive affirmations of luck, wealth and happiness, right? Not always...

On this particular evening, my Wife opened her fortune cookie to discover a rather unusual fortune. It said, and I quote, "Work on improving your exercise routine." Hmm... Not exactly a positive message for a woman to get after consuming probably 600 calories worth of chow mein. We laughed the message off but that got me thinking - how many other evil fortunes are out there in cookie land?

After talking with a few people about this evil fortune cookie we found, I decided to create my own list of fortunes that could traumatize a person and here it is:

  • You will soon be hit by a large moving object.
  • They only laugh because you are the boss.
  • May the pork-fried rice you just ate not give you abdominal cramps or diarrhea.
  • You're adopted.
  • You will recieve mislabeled medication that has adverse side effects.
  • Your Mother is obligated to love you. That's why she's nice to you.
  • Only your Mom knows who your real Dad is.
  • May you get a contagious rash.
  • There was a mix-up at the hospital. You married your cousin.
  • You Monster! Why did you eat my home?!
  • This paper contains anthrax.
  • May you not have ingested one of the roaches from the kitchen.
  • What're YOU looking at?!
  • Really? You wore THAT in public?!
  • You've been served...



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    • profile image

      Piper122007 3 years ago

      I've always liked the message: "Help! I'm being held hostage in a Chinese Fortune Cookie Factory!"

    • profile image

      ugg nightfall 8 years ago

    • Bail Up ! profile image

      Bail Up ! 8 years ago

      Earlier this year my husband and I went to lunch. He doesn't care for the fortune cookie but I always insist he open one. I opened mine and forget what it said but when he opened his... it was empty. I'm still laughing at his not having any fortune at all.

    • dohn121 profile image

      dohn121 8 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      This was very amusing. Thanks for sharing it!

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 8 years ago

      Very funny and true. I remember eating at a Chinese restaurant when a neighbor and his family walked in and sat right behind me. I opened my fortune cookie and the message was awful. I tapped my neighbor on the shoulder and handed him the message, telling him it was meant for him. Who in their right mind would concoct a negative message and put it in a cookie!