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Food Labels: Ranch Dressing (Warning....This May Cause Laughter)

Updated on September 28, 2012

AN EXPERIMENT AT HOME

I don’t know about you, but for most of my adult life I did not spend a lot of time reading food labels on the foods I bought from the grocery store. I don’t remember my mother ever doing that when I was a kid, and I guess I just got in the habit of buying an item, taking it home, and eating it, without getting into any heavy reading in-between. After all, I buy food to eat, and because I’m hungry. I buy books to read because I want reading material. I do not buy food to read or books to eat. I think my logic is fairly sound here.

However, lately I have gotten in the habit of reading some of those food labels, and I gotta tell ya, it’s like reading a Stephen King novel. Scares the living bejeebers out of me! Did you ever read Rachel Carson’s book “Silent Spring” about DDT? Well, read that, and then I dare you to eat anything purchased in a grocery store without first reading the label.

Oh, so you think I’m joking? Well fine, allow me to grab an item at random from our refrigerator, and I’ll share with you what the label says. Then I will let you be the judge on whether this stuff should be eaten or not. I vote NOT but we will just see if you agree with me.

Okay, I’m reaching into the refrigerator, with my eyes closed, and what do I grab? Kraft Ranch Dressing & Dip. Are you ready?

The item under scrutiny
The item under scrutiny | Source

NUTRITIONAL FACTS

Hahahahahahahahaha! Nutritional facts! Already it’s funny! Let’s see, we are told that a serving size is 2 Tbsp, or about 30 grams. Are you kidding me? I hate salads, so to make them palatable I need more than two damn tablespoons of this crap! I need to kill the taste of those green leaves with anything that is handy, preferably a flame-thrower, but lacking that the Ranch Dressing will have to do, and tons of it thank you!

Okay, we are also told that there are 110 calories in 2 tablespoons. Hmmm….how many calories would there be in five huge squeezes and a couple shakes? Already I’m confused! It also says there are 110 fat calories in a serving size…is that opposed to skinny calories???

The product also has 11 grams of total fat which includes 1.5 grams of saturated fat. What makes up the other 9.5 grams of fat? Fattier fat? Deadly fat? I need to know this stuff! We also have 5 mg of cholesterol, 300 mg of Sodium, and 2 grams of Total Carbs. It has no Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Calcium or Iron. Now excuse me, but if you are trying to sell a product, why would you tell the consumer about all the good stuff YOU DON’T HAVE in the product?

My confusion continues, and my fear rises!

Let’s keep going and see what the ingredients consist of; that should be enough to insure our breaking down and weeping like a baby.

The author, always looking out for your best interests.
The author, always looking out for your best interests. | Source

INGREDIENTS IN KRAFT RANCH DRESSING

Okay, in simple fashion, the ingredients include water, soybean oil, vinegar, sugar, salt, starch, garlic juice, buttermilk, monosodium glutamate, xanthan gum, phosphoric acid, polysorbate 60, spice, artificial color, tartaric acid, artificial flavor, sorbic acid, and calcium disodium EDTA (to protect flavor). LOL

Also, in bold, it tells us that it contains eggs and milk!

By my count there are three different acids in this stuff. I don’t know about you, but I’m not swelling with positive energy and I haven’t even tasted it yet. Acid? There is nothing quite like eating something you know will be eating your innards from the inside out! ENJOY! I know, I know, there are some acids that are harmless, but where is the fun in that? Just go along with me and picture in your mind your spleen being eaten by phosphoric acid while you chew on your sprouts and lettuce like some tri-stomach four-legged beast of the prairie.

But I digress! Back to the ingredients! Could anyone tell me what polysorbate 60 is? Am I the only one who thinks that it is a bad idea to put that in your stomach? Whatever it is, it ain’t natural! God didn’t make natural things and give them a name and a number. No sir, that’s homemade stuff, brought to you directly from the laboratory at Kraft Industries, like some experiment gone bad with Dr. Frankenstein.

Well, I had to look it up, and I was immediately greeted with this information: polysorbate 60 is an emulsifier used in food preparation and pharmaceuticals. Huh? What in the living hell is an emulsifier? I’m a writer and I’m looking for a dictionary and a couple aspirin because I feel a headache coming on.

Anyway, we are also told that polysorbate 60 is also used in….get this….cosmetics, and it is most famous as being an active ingredient in Twinkies!

Are you laughing yet? I have tears in my eyes but I’m not sure it’s because of laughter. In other words, when I eat this delicious ranch dressing, I am eating an ingredient that is used in mascara AND Twinkies, the food that never spoils.

What’s that sound I hear? Thousands of consumers are rushing to their refrigerators, grabbing their ranch dressing, and pouring it down the drain! WAIT, STOP! You can’t pour that stuff down the drain; it’s going right into our water supply and we’ll end up drinking it next week. Seal it in a container, put it in a time capsule, and when the folks of the future open it in the year 2172, they will have something to eat if they are hungry.

Oh dear God, give me strength!

Take A Free Poll

Have you ever been so bored that you read food labels?

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SHALL WE CONTINUE?

What is modified food starch? I get nervous when someone tells me they modified my food. I picture some little dweeb of a scientist who hasn’t had a date in ten years, shooting who knows what into my food ingredients with a syringe. And artificial flavor? What’s wrong with real flavor? Isn’t it harder to make an artificial flavor than it is to use a real flavor? Probably explains why this man-made crud costs so much.

And why do they need to print, in bold lettering, that this product contains eggs and milk? Is that so we’ll see those two items clearly and we won’t delve into the fine print about cosmetic bases and Twinkie fillers?

Kraft Location

A markernorthfield, IL -
Northfield, IL, USA
get directions

LOCATION

The only good news from this little exercise is that the label also tells us that Kraft Foods Global, Inc. is located in Northfield, Illinois, so it is an American company making American products, but I wouldn’t count on it being made here much longer. Rumor has it that the Chinese can make polysorbate 60 much cheaper in China, so don’t be surprised if you see Kraft moving those production jobs to China in the near future. Then we can pay twice as much for this same product because of shipping costs, and Kraft can double their profits.

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT ITEM ON MY LIST

Yes, there will be a next time. You didn’t think I was going to be satisfied making fun of just one product, did you? Next week we will blindly grab another item out of our refrigerator and find out what else we are pouring down our gullets.

I would say “Live Long and Prosper” but seriously, what are the chances of that happening?

2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

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    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 4 years ago

      This was so great!...Slowly we are getting smarter, reading labels, something I started a few years back due to health reasons. No wonder we as a society are sick and obese. Thank you Billy...I look forward to your next hub!...Here's a great dressing homemade to hold ya over!

      1 avocado

      1/4 cup pitted kalamata olives

      juice of 1 lime

      1/4 cup fresh basil

      1 cup water

      Thank you

      Sunnie

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Bill, this is why I don't read the labels of foods I purchase and eat, because I truly don't want to know what they have put in it to possibly keep it fresh. It is just down right scary and to honest, I have enough in my life right now that could scare the you know what out of a saner person, lol!! Anyway, great read, definitely gave a good laugh this morning and appreciate that my good friend. Have of course voted, shared, tweeted, and pinned too!!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sunnie, now that looks healthy for sure! Not one acid in it, and none of that 60 stuff. LOL Thank you my friend!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Janine! It is scary, so I choose to laugh and avoid. :) I hope you have a reasonably sane day today my dear; try to do something nice for yourself today.

    • poojasd7 profile image

      poojasd7 4 years ago from India

      Even I wonder about these chemicals in the ingredients section of any food product. Some times I feel like refraining from eating it and succumbing to the country-side organic produce.

      And never ever believe in Chinese products. They are always unreliable. They are usually made fun of, due to their unpredictable qualities(?). :D

    • Suzie HQ profile image

      Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      Hi Bill,

      LOL . . . you really do come up with GEMS!! Loved this, it is so true of the foods out there. I'm not familiar with ranch sauce by Kraft but do know and have used other Kraft ones and how scary to think mascara and your "twinkies" (not here ) share a common denominator to the sauce!! LOL

      Brilliant laugh as usual buddy, voted all the way and shared!!!;-)

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      I haven't laughed this hard since Josh taught me the fine art of a PB&J sandwich...

      And I KNOW there are no skeery ingredients like PB and J, right??

      I may never look at ranch dressing the same. Thanks, Kimmie as well for that recipe.

      Voted UP and across the board! Hugs, Maria

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      LOL! I guess it is a good thing I am not a Ranch lover. There are some really, really shocking ingredients in frozen pizzas. If you read a Red Baron box, you won't want to eat one. Thanks for the morning chuckle.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Pooja, thanks for the heads up on Chinese products. I think I will follow your advice!

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 4 years ago from USA

      This is why I would prefer to read the ingredient labels, but my daughter insists that I don't buy anything with hydrogenated oil or high fructose corn syrup. I don't know what these other things are on the label, they might be even worse than those two ingredients, but she will eat them.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Suzie, you have never had Twinkies before? Surely you have.....I would say that's sad but then you will probably live longer because of it. LOL Thank you Irish! Have a great day!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you for the hug Maria and I'm glad you got a chuckle out of my silliness this morning. I'm afraid to do the next one in this series; I may end up on a starvation diet. :)

    • carol7777 profile image

      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      I think all of us will be giving you recipes for non bottled salad dressing. I think I bought a bottle of salad dressing about three times in the last 30 years. Most prepared products read like a science experiment...and I hate to think of all the stuff ingested. I always just use oil, vinegar and lots of spices and even cheese. Easier, healthier and so much better..Start eating those greens..Funny hub....and you are right you need a lot of dressing on salads if you don't like salads.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Tammy, I think the next one will be frozen burritos....I can't wait. :) Thank you Tammy; have a great Thursday! When do you start work?

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Carol, tons of dressing....or I could do the only logical thing and just not eat salads. LOL....yep, that sounds about right.

      Thank you Carol; enjoy your day!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Millionaire, I'm going to be reading labels from now on, that's for sure. Just might add to my life span. :)

      Thank you!

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Bill - My eyes are swelling from laughing so hard! This line absolutely tore me up - "I have gotten in the habit of reading some of those food labels, and I gotta tell ya, it’s like reading a Stephen King novel"

      Don't know when I've had such fun reading a hub and at the same time I'm being educated. "Emulsify" is my new wrod for the day.

      You are bright, brilliant and the funniest of writers. I'm sharing this all over the place and have voted up and all the way across.

      I absolutely love this hub!

    • profile image

      KDuBarry03 4 years ago

      Very interesting read Bill! Yeah, sometimes I would read the ingredients of even crackers and it;s a list of 50 ingredients; really? What's wrong with just giving the real ingredients such as avocado, salt, black pepper, grounded garlic, etc? Wouldn't that make life much easier?

      Thanks for another great read, Bill!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Keith, I'm like a junkyard dog with a bone....I can't let go of this. Now I'm reading labels on everything and strangely, I'm finding it very funny. LOL Thanks buddy....crackers? 50 ingredients? Now that's worth taking a look.

    • Austinstar profile image

      Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      Tammy - who in your family is eating a Red Baron Pizza box? That's just gross. However, the box is probably better for you.

      I hate salads too Billybuc. Refuse to eat them actually, so never mind the dressing. I have started eating frozen vegetables only. Ok, once in a while some canned veggies. But mostly, I don't like vegetables either. They grow in the dirt!

      But this may explain all my fat cells. Or the air conditioning, or the lack of exercise, or my genetic code, or the excess calories I consume, or all of the above and then some. (Sigh)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Audrey, I'm sorry I caused your eyes to swell. :) Not really.....LOL. I'm glad you had fun with this; I read it to Bev when I finished it and I thought she was going to choke to death. That's when I figured some people might laugh.

      Thank you my dear friend; have a great day!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Austin, you might be onto something! LOL I have always hated salads; still do....always will. :) No, that's not open-minded of me, but oh well. I'm sixty-three and allowed to have some quirks.

      Thank you my friend and I agree, a Red Baron box would be gross. :)

    • healthylife2 profile image

      Healthy Life 4 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      I really needed a good laugh this morning so decided to read this and proceed with caution. I happen to enjoy salads but only when someone else makes them. Now that I feel the need to read labels I've learned it's very scary what is in most processed foods.Only you have the ability to inform in an entertaining way. Thanks for the laugh this morning!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Healthylife, I'm glad you enjoyed this silliness. I was actually shocked when I read the label, and it's hard to shock me. Twinkies???? Are you kidding me? LOL

      Thank you!

    • Laurel Brunvoll profile image

      Laurel Brunvoll 4 years ago

      billybuc, yes, it is a little crazy what we are consuming these days! And I have been more aware of things lately--and done some shopping more organically. Thanks for the smile!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      I hate to be a bore, bill....Lord knows, I hate it....but going grocery shopping is a CEREMONY for me. With my list, my coupons and my calculator, I look more like an auditor than a shopper. I DO read labels..All of them, every word....including unit pricing, name and location of company & distributor. Don't ASK......it's just another strange habit....genetic predisposition to NEEDING TO KNOW EVERYTHING BEFORE MAKING EVEN A SIMPLE DECISION.

      Bottled dressing has never passed these lips.....I make my own with pure olive oil & various vinegars.....white, apple cider, wine/garlic.....herbs and spices. Jim practically drinks bottled dressing straight...no chaser. Hey...it's HIS body.

      Because it takes me the better part of a day to visit the grocery store....Jimbo does the shopping....and because he cannot toast a slice of bread successfully, I do the cooking. Works out well.

      Labels are important....in THIS case. Otherwise, can I tell you where THEY can stick "labels?" The same place they can stick "Titles"......flash that badge at me one more time and it's going where only your proctolgist will find it!........Gotta run.....This is UP & IU

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Laurel, yes, we are going organic now as well, and increasing our garden for next year. I have very little faith in the corporations who prepare food. I know, very cynical, but there you go. :) Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Paula, I am happy to announce that I have no title, and thank God because at my age, it's hard enough to go to the bathroom. I don't need any blockage made by you to further hinder the process.

      A full day of shopping; it would be kinder to just shoot me and get it over with quickly.

      I have solved the matter of salad dressing...I just won't eat salads any longer. See....Simple! :)

      Thanks buddy; go do whatever you gotta do on this foggy fall morning.

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      Ok. Now you've got me thinking about some mad scientist coming after me with a syringe. I'm going to have some sort of Road Runner - Coyote dream tonight!! Thanks for the write! But really, it's scary what goes into our food which we do not know about. We should be more aware.

    • brblog profile image

      Bruce 4 years ago from Chicago, Illinois

      Hey billybuc,

      That’s nothing . . . get yourself a container of "Cool Whip" sometime (also by Kraft) and check out those ingredients – it takes about a dozen (12) to make something that is supposed to taste like whipped-cream (made from cream and sugar). Oh, yeah – it also has Polysorbate 60 as well!

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image

      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Oh I just love this series!! ^_^ Can't wait for the next one! Hmm.. it seems your ranch also has monosodium glutamate (MSG) If you want a slightly "less deadly" ranch I would suggest Newman's Own Ranch ^_^ Much better. Voting a bunch and sharing!

    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 4 years ago

      Billy, how much do you want as a "donation" from Kraft foods inc? You cannot bring down (the sewage) an industry as big as Pittsburgh's Ketchup. Your points are valid. Actually haven't eaten much of that crappy dressing. My jalapenos do the cleaning better than those "dressing" acids, if you know what I mean. Thanks for your humor and is time to buy me a tuna sandwich with everything on it except mayo.

    • Radcliff profile image

      Liz Davis 4 years ago from Hudson, FL

      Billy, if I didn't know that you are high on life, I would think that you wrote this at 4:20. Hahah!

      The rest of the fat is polyunsaturated fat from the soybean oil. It is a very delicate fat that is easily oxidized, doing to your arteries the same thing it does to your onion rings. Nature gave us milk and eggs, not soybean oil! Don't get me started (again). :D

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Michelle, I loved the Road Runner cartoons...but as a nightmare? Better lay off these articles in the future. LOL and yes, it is scary indeed!

      Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rbblog, now you have me curious! We don't have any Cool Whip but I'll check it out at the store. Thanks for the read and comment.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sasha, I have a better idea....I'll just give up salads and then I don't need salad dressing. :)

      Thank you my Oregon friend; have a great day!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Joseph, I haven't had a good jalapeno in a long time. I think I deserve one, don't you? And you are right, they are much better at cleaning out the system. LOL Thanks buddy!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Radcliff, good one....the 4:20 high are gone for good, and that's a very good thing. :) Thank you and no, I won't get you started again....or heck, go ahead....if you need to rant, here is as good a place as any.

    • Georgie Lowery profile image

      Georgianna Lowery 4 years ago from Slaton, Texas USA

      I really hate to have to mark ranch dressing off of my list, but I've been on this kick where, if I can't pronounce it, I ain't eating it either. Great Hub, and I'm sorry that the ingredients gave you a headache. You probably don't want to know what else is in your aspirin, either. :P

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      ROFLMAO!!,,,,,,,,,Your reply just cracked me up......the OUT LOUD laugh that makes everybody look at you kinda funny-like....Most people hate it when you're Happy and they're not...know what I mean? And I'm mean enough to keep the laughter to myself!! nah nah!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Georgie, don't do that to me! I don't need to know about the aspirin, thank you very much. :)

      I think it's safe to assume I won't be eating any Ranch dressing during the rest of my life.

      Thanks buddy!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Paula, I was laughing out loud reading about your grocery shopping adventures. The least I could do is pay you back. :) Bev hates it when I won't tell her what I'm laughing about; I always crack and tell her cuz it ain't worth the misery if I don't. :)

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 4 years ago from Peru, South America

      This is a hilarious look at a serious topic. You won't find me within ten feet of any chemical that keeps Twinkies alive! Really, I laughed out loud at this one while learning what I don't want to put into my body. As always, no matter which topic you choose to write, you always find the right words! Looking forward to your next food analysis. Voted up!

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 4 years ago from California Gold Country

      Very funny. On the other hand, bottled salad dressings are some of the worst offenders when it comes to additives and 'ranch' is one of the worst. I have a hub about Artificial Additives in Distressing Salad Dressings which gives some alternatives.

      I must say, though, that a few of the newer 'natural' ones are finally catching on to the idea that people are starting to read labels. Some of them are improving-- and some are just changing the names of the chemicals.

      If you keep writing about these things, you are going to put a lot of mad scientists out of work.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Vespa, this falls under the category of laughing so you don't cry! It's scary, but for this day, at least, I choose to laugh about it all. :) Thank you my friend; I'll be back with some more labels next week.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rochelle, between the two of us we should be able to do some damage, don't you think? Thank you and I'm glad you enjoyed this silly look at a serious subject.

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      This one caused a hilarious ruckus here in Upstate NY!!! Love the comment about putting the dressing in a time capsule! Even funnier - getting nervous when someone modifies your food! I'm afraid to go in the fridge!

      Dinner I made for us last night - chicken, mashed potatoes, homemade gravy and home grown squash. All made with my two hands.

      Thanks for the laughter. I have to go change my pants now!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Beckie, you and those pants of yours! They are well-worn for sure. LOL Thank you my dear and I love that your meal consisted of items made with those two hands of yours. Thank you my dear.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      Good evening BB

      so okay i have to do this...

      eat your books?? now that is a novel idea................kerplunk....sorry, i had to.

      polysorbate60 ...ethyl whatever it is too....i looked it up too...o, my, scary stuff...sounds like we could use it to clean car engines...

      who knew? i don't used salad dressing but my daughter does so i will tell her to be on the lookout for the things hiding in her foods that some mad scientiest concocted.

      You said you don't recall your Momma looking at labels. Mine did and she always told me not to buy anything that had an ingredient in it that I couldn't pronounce. That pretty well took care of most everything.

      Nothing like a chuckle on a Thursday eve...

      sending Florida sunshine and hugs your way, ps

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      PS, I like that...I'm not eating anything I can't pronounce! That's a pretty simple rule I can live with. :) Of course, that pretty much means I'll be on a starvation diet. LOL

      Loved the humor at the beginning...novel idea....I'm so corny I laughed out loud at that one.

      Thank you my Florida friend, but we have our own sunshine thing going on; it's almost October and no rain. What the heck is up with that?

      bill

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Hilarious hub warning of the dangers of pre-processed foods! You and I have had this conversation, Mr. Cheeseburger Casserole! ha ha. Review my Green Tips numbers 6 and 21 where I address the dangers of 'utamates' and 'oses'. If you can't pronounce it, your body can't metabolize or use it!

      You're growing your own veggies now my friend. Don't negate the effort!

      Love Ya!

      Sha

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sha my friend, you just never let up, do you? Yes my dear, I will eat better....and yes, I will follow your advice....sheez, it's like being married all over again. :)

      love you too,

      bill

    • samnashy profile image

      Sam Graham 4 years ago from Australia

      Upbeat and a good laugh, lots of good info though.

      thanks.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Samnasy....it was interesting researching it.

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 4 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Ha..ha..ha...billybuc, your attempt for a hilarious hub is a success! I honestly thought of Josh while reading this....don't know why but maybe because he always makes us laugh too.

      I don't count my calories and I eat when I'm hungry. I also don't read food labels because I don't carry my reading glasses with me when I go shop for food. Print's too small for my chinky eyes. (: Guess, I'm not that concerned about my calorie intake (yet). But, thanks for a good read and will wait for the next kitchen scrutiny.

      Catching up is hard to do.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      MMMMuuuuaaaaa!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sha, you are incorrigible! :)

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 4 years ago from United States

      Billy, Yes, I read food labels. I try to buy organic but that can be expensive. A while back I decided I didn't want to buy anything with corn syrup in it and OMG - you wouldn't believe how many things have corn syrup. It is enough to drive you nuts (short trip for some of us :-)). Anyway, my husband LOVES ranch dressing. Wait till I tell him!! I loved your hub and your humor.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Since I became wheat intolerant, I have to read labels now. What's frightening, is that salt and sugar is in nearly everything. That means that there is no point to adding any more in our diet. We get too much as it is!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

      Hi billy, lol! polysorbate! haha! the funniest thing I read like this was in New Scientist, evidently a face cream has been produced with I think it was, magnetic atoms or something stupid, when the scientists told them that ' How stupid can you get?' the cream people said, in a huffy voice I would imagine, 'Believe me sir, I know it works, come and see OUR scientists!' New scientist really thought that was funny! lol! great hub, and really made me laugh, nell

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Cris, you and I both have metabolisms that allow us to eat without worrying about it. I don't know why I suddenly decided to read the label on the Ranch but I'm glad I did....got a hub out of it!

      Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Pamela, my sincere apologies to your husband. The poor man doesn't know what's coming. LOL Thank you kind lady; you are appreciated!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Deb, you got that right....salt is in everything...in copious quantities I might add.

      Thanks my OK friend!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Nell, can you imagine! I don't know if the producers of this stuff think we are stupid or if they are really stupid themselves. Do you think they really believe their advertising? That would be frightening.

      Thank you Nell!

    • Farmer Rachel profile image

      Rachel Koski 4 years ago from Minnesota

      I was sort of laughing, but then I reminded myself that what's going on with grocery store food in this country is DISGUSTING. Listen, those ingredients you listed? They're in about everything that you buy at the store, everything that's processed - it's all the same food, packaged differently, with different artificial flavors, but the SAME FOOD. If it ain't whole, if it didn't come out of my soil, if I didn't raise it and feed it and have it butchered by someone I can speak to - in person - I am totally not interested in eating it. Unfortunately it's nearly impossible to live that way, but I'm working on it.

      Anyway, "I picture some little dweeb of a scientist who hasn’t had a date in ten years, shooting who knows what into my food ingredients with a syringe. " Hilarious. Me too.

      We're very similar you know, because I'm actually working on a Hub that will hopefully help to de-code the crazy ingredients on "food" labels. But the more I think about it, the more interested I am in just focusing on eating food that doesn't NEED a label.

      Ooookay, rant over :) ... (But by the way, you can count on the fact that just about all of the corn, soybean and canola oil/products come from gentetically modified organisms these days, so by my reckoning the food producers need to add "BT" to their food labels - it's only fair, since blood tests confirm its presence in the bodies of people who have submitted to such testing... but SHHH, don't tell Monstanto I told you that!)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rachel, here's the thing....and I'm dead serious about this. Everything you say is true....I know it for a fact....and you could announce it to every citizen in this country....and most of them would not care. We are a nation of sheeples...as long as someone's life isn't turned inside out....as long as they are left to drink their beer, go to their ballgames, drink their lattes....as long as they are hanging on by a thread with a semblance of freedom...they just don't care to hear about the bad stuff.

      I am as positive and upbeat a guy as you will ever meet, but I'm becoming cynical. I have no faith in the government for the first time in my long life....I only have faith in myself and my loved ones, and that's who I rely on in life. So I agree with what you are doing....there will be a great many people wishing they had your skills within ten years. :)

      Thank you my young friend.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This was a LOL hub. It's funny I never ever read labels until drbj started writing about the toxic componets found in food to preserve the shelf time at the market. I think our only course is to grow our own, that is until the soil is so full of toxins we die...

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ruby....LOL...I don't know why I'm laughing at your comment because it's probably very close to the truth. :) Thank you my friend; I'm going to keep growing my own and pray what you just wrote doesn't happen.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Bill you are so funny! Ok - you know I answered I have to read the labels for safety reasons around here.

      It is scary what they put in food and I swear I do believe people are starting to wise up. It's time to drop the experiment and go back to feeding our cows regular food instead of fat injecting foods and particles too:)

    • Farmer Rachel profile image

      Rachel Koski 4 years ago from Minnesota

      Bill, you're right. I wish you weren't, but I know you are. And unfortunately, "veggie libel" laws are very serious in this country... anyway, awesome hub :) You may have hit on a way to draw some attention to this very serious subject by masking it in humor. You've got lots of people who just love to read your hubs, and that's a powerful thing. Awesome awesome awesome :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Awww, Rachel, you saw right through my ploy! I rant and rave about a lot of things in this country, and there are times when humor will accomplish the same result. :) Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Kelly, I hope you are right....I really hope there are some major changes ahead. I was being funny in this hub but hoping at the same time that it would wake up a few people.

      Thank you Kelly!

    • rcrumple profile image

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Sorry for being late, my friend. I've been reading labels!

      Eating healthy means eating natural, but my wife can't stand to see me at the table without clothes, and to be honest, I prefer not to see her there that way, either. I'm not a vinegar and oil fan, basically because I don't like vinegar. It's great to keep a sunburn from itching, and that tells me I don't want to swallow it. If it takes away the itch on the outside, what's going to come out from the inside? I'll take my Bleau Cheese dressing and enjoy the lumps!

      Great Job, my friend! Keep 'em coming!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      I used to read igredient labels. They can be quite funny. But, there are a number of thinggs I no longer eat,

    • benisan85745 profile image

      Ka'imi'loa 4 years ago from Tucson, AZ.

      Billybuc....long time reader, first time commenting. I do have to add this, as far as reading upon ingredients in everyday foods.

      Being that I come from Hawai'i, where you have a great chance of being born pre-diabetic, food for us is on a: eat until you are tired, not when you are full...mentality. Caring about what is in your food isn't much of a care for, we consume so much starch its crazy, However, being that I have Mexican in my blood also, tortillas are something I enjoy eating as a "second" utensil (spell check) here on the mainland U.S. I remember seeing this simple process of four ingridients being made in the morning out back over a huge fire. Four ingridients, if only made at home with love.

      The last time I saw a package of "flour" tortillas being sold, you would have thought I was in a particular aisle in Lowes or Home Depot. Over 9 extra stuff is added, and that is because I was told it's made this way for shelf-life. I guess the same way a Twinkie, is still considered edible years later. If my elementary teacher that taught us the triangle of nutrition in class could see what we are eating today!

      Awesome Hub billybuc, look forward to more interesting reads from you.

      Ka'imi'loa

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rich, I swear to God your comments are always funnier than my hub. I should be disappointed in that fact, but instead I just laugh out loud. Thanks buddy!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Martin, my hope is that, through humor, some people will become aware of the chemicals we are ingesting. Thank you my friend!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Benisan, thank you for that great comment! Yes, it is all about shelf life now with foods, and that, to me, is disturbing. I love your comment about tortillas when you were younger....probably tasted great...may not have lasted long on the shelf, but no worries when you are hungry. I appreciate you commenting and your kind words. Thank you my friend!

    • George Greene Jr. profile image

      George Greene Jr. 4 years ago from California PA

      That does make you think ! I have worked in restaurants where they make their own dressing and I have yet to see anybody add Polysorbate 60 or modified food starch(actually a real ranch dressing doesn't even have starch). As for the eggs and milk though that is just for people who may have allergies.They do the same thing with peanuts.

      Which is something else that gets me..some of these products are made on the same assembly line as some of these allergen foods. What they aren't cleaning the equipment ?

    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

      Not feeling so good now. Just got back from lunch a couple of hours ago and had a lovely salad with RANCH dressing. Ugh. Made me laugh though.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 4 years ago

      Oh, billybuc, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. You just shot to smithereens my illusions about my favorite dressing. Soybean oil -- I was so happy when they started adding that because I'm allergic to milk. Anyway about xanthan gum: I was in an ALLEGED health food store buying some strawberry gelatin that doesn't have red dye # 40 in it, and right there on the shelf was a box of pure xanthan gum. Curious, I read the label and it said "a natural thickener" for gravies, sauces, puddings.... Now what it wrong with flour as a thickener. If you are allergic to wheat, how about corn starch? But xanthan gum? If I have to look it up to spell it, I ain't puttin' it in my food. As they say in the hills, "well I never!" Again you got my vote.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      George, I have no idea how they do that, and I suspect that they don't. I just read the ingredients on a package of bagels and I think I now have my next hub in this series. Ridiculous!

      Thank you and enjoy your weekend.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Glimmer my friend, sometimes all we can do is laugh! I wrote this hub because I wanted people aware, and I figured it might be effective to do it as humor. Evidently a lot of people are now aware! :)

      Thank you; have a great weekend!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Miz.....LOL....well I never! I haven't heard that since the last time I visited family in Iowa! Thanks for the laugh, and I agree totally. If I can't pronounce it or spell it, there is no reason for it to go into my stomach. It sure limits the number of foods that you can eat following that rule. LOL

      Thank you so much; have a great weekend in Arkansas!

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is so funny, Bill - and so sad at the same time! A salad dressing can be made at home from healthy ingredients very quickly. The artificial ingredients in many store-bought products are truly scary. I have found some commercial salad dressings made with simple ingredients and no artificial substances, but they're hard to find in my local stores.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Alicia, I am willing to bet that when you do find it in stores, it costs more than the artificial dressing....am I right?

      There is insanity afoot! I'm just not smart enough to know how to stop it.

      Thank you and have a great weekend!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      Good laugh on this topic, Bill! I am one that reads almost every label of product I buy. I am a health nut! We prefer to cook from scratch with basic, natural, raw ingredients as a norm, but we do buy those nasty products on occasion. Just hope we don't grow an extra leg or arm over time! Wait, maybe that would come in handy! Voted up.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dianna, I'm thinking that extra arm would come in very handy. I might be able to do more hubs then. LOL I have become a label reader for self-preservation.

      Have a great weekend Dianna!

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 4 years ago from West Virginia

      Bill, seemed like it took a long time to get down this far:) A much needed laugh for me as I sit here watching my old lady reading labels, no lie. She has a cold, sore throat, ect. Bill, I rarely ever read labels. I'm 29 but I am now getting to the point where I want to be healthy. It makes sense though, if you don't read it, who knows what is going in? Bill, great as always. I can see it is already a hit. Best wishes pal.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ricky, I wish I had given some thought to long life when I was 29....pretty forward thinking on your part. I was very lucky....am very lucky....to have been born with good genes, so the errors I made when I was young haven't cost me much in health....but I'm doing the right things now and that's what counts. Thank you my friend!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      You snuck this one by me, I can't believe its been three days...now on to your logic Spock... "I do not buy food to read or books to eat" makes perfect sense to me!

      I, on the other hand am forced to read labels as I have Celiac, and let me tell you you have only scratched the surface of what is in our food...my wheat allergy has given me quite an education as well. For example, there is wheat flour in Twisters licorice and lipstick....wheat flour! I am so busy trying to find the wheat flour I am not even intimidated by the preservatives that will keep my body preserved long after I am gone....Twinkies and Oreos will be on this planet after life has become extinct, they are totally indestructible.

      This was a great read Bill and I have a feeling the hubs to come in this series will be just as funny or funnier.

      Voted up, useful, funny, and interesting. Oh, shared with my readers.

    • prettynutjob30 profile image

      Mary 4 years ago from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet.

      Oh my goodness, now you got me thinking about my insides being eaten ha ha; great hub very funny and interesting, voted up and shared.

    • Melovy profile image

      Yvonne Spence 4 years ago from UK

      I remember, as a student, buying a packet of biscuits and my boyfriend at that time grabbed it and said I shouldn't be eating them. I was vegetarian, you see, and he was… well he was a trainee idiot - oops I mean lawyer - and so he liked an argument and proving points. So he read out the ingredients, and of course, there among them was "animal fats."

      Me and said boyfriend didn't last much longer, but I've been reading labels ever since.

      This was fun!

    • Rfordin profile image

      Rfordin 4 years ago from Florida

      billybuc,

      Why did you have to choose Ranch dressing of all things to go "first" in what I am guessing to be a series of food additives and the like? We LOVE Ranch dressing here (my goodness my kids will eat vegtables if I have Ranch dressing). Surely now every time they as for Ranch I will think of you...... Next time I vote you pick something like pickled herring to do an ingrident review on. Simply because I'm sure my family is safe from those ill effects and it won't add worry to my life.

      Thanks for sharing (kinda/sorta).

      ~Becky

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, I think Spam and Twinkies will be our lasting testament as a species. The foods that could not die, prepared by the people who were foolish enough to eat them. I have the next in this series percolating in my brain as we speak, and it is scary stuff.

      Thank you my friend!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Prettynutjob, I"m not usually a person who is terribly concerned with what I eat, but I'm becoming more and more aware of the stuff we eat and it is frightening.

      Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Yvonne, it is your boyfriends loss for sure....but at least he served one purpose, making you more aware. I never cared in the past; now I definitely do.

      Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Becky, LOL it's the only dressing I eat too, so I'm doing damage to my eating habits as well, if that helps at all.

      Sorry about that....maybe there is some good ranch dressing out there somewhere.....in the health stores?

      Thank you my friend!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      The moral of this story is: Don't read the label. If we only knew what went into the food we eat, we wouldn't buy any ready made products.

      Great Hub. I voted it UP, will share.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, or stated another way....ignorance is bliss! :) Thank you!

    • Sharkye11 profile image

      Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

      Very funny! I have to say that I have occasionally peeked at the labels, and looked up the ingredients. But I decided long ago that since we all die sometime anyway, I would rather go out having enjoyed my salad dressing. I agree with the serving sizes...who actually measures all the yummy stuff?

    • JayeWisdom profile image

      Jaye Denman 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

      I'm an avowed reader of food labels, Bill, though I limit my purchases of processed foods as much as possible. If I make something from scratch, using only organic foods, I know what it contains. There are so many unsafe ingredients in packaged/bottled/canned foods (not to mention the BPA in many containers) that I just avoid nearly all of it.

      Food safety has become something of an obsession with me, but I'm convinced the thyroid disease that caused me to need surgery two years ago was caused by all the soy food I ate as a vegan. Too many of the processed foods marketed as "healthy" are really very unhealthy.

      By the way, there are recipes on the Internet for safe ranch-style dressings using plain organic Greek yogurt, organic olive oil, seasonings and herbs. The taste will be better, and you won't have to worry that you're putting something into your body that will harm your health.

      Another good hub. Voted Up++ and shared.

      Jaye

    • jenbeach21 profile image

      jenbeach21 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Great information and shared in a very funny way. This is why I buy organic as much as possible. The things we are allowed to put in our foods is scary!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sharkye, thank you, and I admit, I'm in your camp in thinking that I'm going to die one way or another.....of course, that doesn't mean I'm in a big hurry for that to happen. LOL

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jaye, thank you for that information and the personal experience. Very helpful! The meat lover in me says I can avoid salads and then I don't have to worry about the ingredients in dressing....but Bev won't let me get away with that kind of thinking. :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jenbeach, your last point is a good one...food companies are allowed, by the Federal government, to do this stuff....makes me a bit nervous.

      Thank you!

    • RunningDeer profile image

      RunningDeer 4 years ago from Iowa

      Live long and prosper! I'm glad we eat things from mascara and Twinkies. Although Twinkies are delicious, I've never thought about eating some mascara for a treat. I suppose you would eat it like a sucker? Hilarious hub. Voted up and shared!

    • moonlake profile image

      moonlake 4 years ago from America

      Why did you have to say that? I love Twinkies.

    • JayeWisdom profile image

      Jaye Denman 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

      Seeing all these comments shows you've struck a nerve with this hub, Bill. I think more people are becoming health conscious and realizing that there's a lot of truth in that old saying, 'We are what we eat.'

    • toknowinfo profile image

      toknowinfo 4 years ago

      Hi Bill, This is a great hub and I look forward to your next installment. I am one of those people that reads labels and sometimes puts the product back. The scariest part is what the label doesn't say. For example, when a product just lists spices on the label, that really means MSG, but they don't have to list it as MSG, because the federal govt says the amount is small enough that it doesn't have to be listed. Problem with small amounts is they add up.

    • joanwz profile image

      Joan Whetzel 4 years ago from Katy, Texas

      Oh, I can't wait for the next installment.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Running, I hadn't thought about the mascara...I guess that would be like eating a sucker. LOL Thanks for the great comment.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Moonlake....shhh! Don't tell anyone, but I love Twinkies too! LOL

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jaye, I do believe you are right. The next in the series comes out Wednesday....I'm looking forward to the comments on that one.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Joan, it will be Wednesday, and it will be about Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup believe it or not. :) Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rhonda, you are absolutely correct...smaller is not better when speaking about ingredients. Thanks for a great comment. I hope these hubs wake a few people up.

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Funny and enjoyable. I'm waiting for you to blow the next product to smithereens with your humor. I'll take care not to read labels of foods I love, now on. Lol !

      Up & awesome, Bill.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rajan, I think we are all better off ignorant on this issue, or none of us would ever eat. :) Thank you my friend!

    • Matthew Kirk profile image

      Matthew Kirk 4 years ago from Liverpool

      Really enjoying your writing style and a few of your hubs.

      You should think about doing one on apple pie, here some commercial products use the main ingredient for wallpaper paste for the filling; Yum! Probably be similar where you're from.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Matthew, I'll have to check that out; I wasn't aware of it but I will be. Thank you!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      If I may interject, baked goods should never be store bought! Or anything, for that matter. If it's not from scratch (count the ingredients on one hand!) you can't claim kin to anyone's oohs, aahs and yums! Take pride. Take time. Savor the flavor of a smile brought about by your love and care..!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sha, leave it to you to ruin my humor with some truth! LOL

      You are right of course; can't trust anything that is store bought these days

      love ya,

      bill

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 4 years ago from North Texas

      Polysorbate 60 is a carcinogenic emulsifier that you should avoid. It's found in most convenience foods like chocolate syrup for your ice cream and even cake mixes and pudding cups. Yes, it's in creams and facial makeup too, to make them creamier. Here's a quick YouTube video (less than 2 mins) that will tell you all about it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adinAcvSrYQ

      Basically, convenience food and cosmetics manufacturers are trying to kill us, whether they are located here in the states or in China.

      Hope you don't mind my putting the video clip URL here, but it was almost as entertaining as your hub. Almost.

      Excellent hub, food for thought -- no pun intended, useful, interesting, and will share.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Au fait, it was an entertaining video; thanks for sharing it.

      As for manufacturers trying to kill us....I'm not sure if that is their goal, but it certainly is the end result.

      Thank you my friend!

    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 4 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      When I first saw the photo of the Kraft salad dressing I said YIKES because I use this dressing quite often!! Yes this was very entertaining reading but at the same time thanks for writing about this subject because it is a serious matter our food supply can make us sick, what with all the artificial ingredients that are used.

      Homemade salad dressing is so much more healthier, and you know what? It actually tastes better too. Amazing. Voted up and across.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Efficient, I always like seeing your picture pop up....those eyes peeking out at the world. :) Thanks for reading one of my oldies and I agree, homemade salad dressing is so much better.

      Have a great weekend!

    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 4 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      peekaboo!! :-) :-) that's too funny!

      The original photo actually includes the whole face but for some reason when loading it here at Hubpages the photo got split in half. Have a great weekend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LOL....Well, Michelle, we will forever be in the dark as far as what you look like. A mystery woman...I like that. :) Thanks...you have a great weekend too.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 4 years ago from United States

      I'm glad you wrote this hub as it is something I have been interesting in for the past few years. It is amazing how many items contain corn syrup. If you walk throught the grocery store and check labels it is a huge number. The injections they give to livestock are also dangerous.

      I was amazed when I started doing genealogy research how many actually lived to a pretty good ripe old age. They were the farmers though. These people essentially grew everything that ate, so no preservatives , unlike those who lived in the cities with shorter life spans. Excellent hub!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Pamela, I was reading something about corn syrup the other day. This is a huge problem in this country for health issues and it goes unnoticed by most. As for farmers growing their own.....we need much more of it. Companies like Monsanto are slowly poisoning us and we are unaware. I hope you write about it soon. Thank you!

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Wanted to make my first Hub visit one of yours Billy! Although I already commented, this is still as funny (and scary) as it was the first time around.

      Love,

      a tri-stomach four-legged beast of the prairie a.k.a. Beckie XOXO

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Beckie, when I turned on the computer today I saw you had a new hub and I was actually very excited. I hope you drop me a line and tell me how things are going. I get worried when I don't hear from friends, and you, my dear, are a wonderful friend.

      hugs and love,

      billy

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Billy - You know me by now!!! I only write when I am not going to whine about myself! You know more than most, but I can not thank you enough for you continued friendship while I was recuperating.

      Nothing has changed since the last time we chatted, except I am now looking forward to longer days and sunshine!

      I love you Billy. Give my hugs and kisses to Bev as well.

      XOXO

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      Bill - As I lay here coughing up everything but the kitchen sink and feeling less than terrible, I told myself I needed a good laugh to lift my spirits.

      Remembering how hard I laughed the last time I read this, I knew it was time to read the Ranch Dressing Food Label with you once again.

      And just as before, I laughed so hard that my cough came up, I feel like new and ready to climb Mt. Everest (or the anthill outside.)

      Thanks my super-talented friend. You bring us all so much joy! Voted up and more and sharing again. Hugs.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I know Beckie...I was just hoping you had weakened a bit on that stance of yours. LOL I should have known better.

      Longer days and sunshine would be most welcome.

      love to you too my friend

      billy

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Audrey, I am glad I could provide some tender loving care. It's weird that two people read this today, since it sat dormant for several months. Thank you for the re-visit my friend.

      Feel better soon and I hope you are enjoying sunny California....is it sunny there? :)

      love,

      bill

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 4 years ago

      Well, Bill, I've gotta go back and eat some of my words, and they don't taste so good. I said (referring to thickeners) "What's wrong with wheat?" I just found out after I wrote my feedback to this hub that I am wheat sensitive but I haven't been tested for celiac yet. I probably won't opt for the test if going gluten free is a solution. Wheat is at the root of most of my digestive problems and body swelling. Then I found out that the health nuts are using xanthan gum as a replacement for wheat. We haven't used it yet, but Mr. B bought some to use in the gluten-free bread he sometimes makes for me. I found I was allergic to dairy products 13 years ago and gave them up then. Mr. B teases that maybe I should go eat wooly worms and die. Well, I never!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      MizB, I apologize, but I had to laugh at that last line of Mr. B's. Not that I want it to happen but it was a great line.

      Well my friend, at least you found out that you are wheat sensitive and you can do something about it. I wonder how much wheat I eat? I'll have to give that some thought.

      Have a great week my writing friend.

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      How did I miss this hub before? I guess I was not ready for the truth about salad dressing. It is best not to read labels too much anyway. Those ingredients scare me!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jeannie, this hub has actually done quite well. It seems quite a few people are interested in those ingredients. I'm with you...they scare the hell out of me.

      Thank you...three visits...I'm honored.

    • ologsinquito profile image

      ologsinquito 3 years ago from USA

      I look forward to reading your next article as well. As if those ingredients weren't bad enough, the soy and some of the other things in that bottle are most likely derived from genetically modified crops, engineered so they are resistant to a particular herbicide.

    • Kathryn Stratford profile image

      Kathryn 3 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

      I saw this on my feed, and even though I have been delinquent on this site lately, I read this out of curiosity. I love your humor, and it is fascinating to read the ingredients in the products that we eat.

      Thanks for sharing this with us, and I hope you are enjoying the Spring :) In Connecticut we are finally seeing buds, flowers and greener grass. I just wish it would stop getting into the 40s at night.

      ~ Kathryn

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      ologsinquito, it's enough to make you....sick! I am so tired of the modified crops and the damage companies like Monsanto are allowed to do....but we can fight back, and that's what this was about...that and have a little fun. Thank you for the comment and for caring.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Kathryn, it's good to see you again. You were a staple here and then life changed things and you were gone. I've missed you. This is an old article but suddenly people are reading it. Weird how that works. Anyway, I wish you well my friend and thank you.

    • heidithorne profile image

      Heidi Thorne 3 years ago from Chicago Area

      How did I miss this one? Okay, looks like it got published before I joined HP.

      I've been reading food labels since I was in my late teens, although I'm not a militant food warrior. I just look for products with the least amount of unpronounceable ingredients.

      But here's my biggest problem with ranch dressing. I LOVE the branded Ranch Dressing at McDonalds's, but it's not the same as the same brand of it that's in the store. The stuff from the store tastes odd. I also love the ranch at a couple of restaurants in our area. I want to get a job there for a couple of days to see what they buy or make. But I'd probably have to get it in oil barrel size vats. I have never found a ranch from the store that I like, even the organic or all natural ones are gross. So my quest continues...

      I've resorted to just drizzling olive oil and some grated cheese on rabbit food until I find the right ranch.

      And, like you, I've seen some articles I wrote months and months ago just pop up in traffic. I'll thank HP and the Google Gods!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Heidi, I love your description about the rabbit food. The quest does continue, my friend, but I have no doubt you will be victorious in your search.

      As for the Google Gods...they are elusive, are they not?

      Thanks, Heidi!

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      Suzette Walker 3 years ago from Taos, NM

      This is halarious, Bill. God only knows what we eat when we buy processed foods! I am now a label reader and if I don't know what the ingredient is I don't buy it! Lol. Thanks for pointing out the absurd!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Suzette! This one was dead and buried in the archives and all of a sudden it found rebirth. I read labels, too, and if I can't pronounce an ingredient I won't eat it. Simple rule. LOL

    • profile image

      anon 3 years ago

      The eggs and milk are in bold so that people with food allergies are made aware of the presence of those (very common) food allergens in the product.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Yep, I know that, anon...thanks.

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