Foods That can Hurt and Annoy You
Potato Chips: Dangerous and Annoying
I Don't Know About
you, but I am at that age, 65, when the least little thing can get underneath my skin. I remember when I was in my teenage years and then in my twenties, hardly anything bothered me. I had nerves of steel. I could ride with a reckless driver who was a dear friend of mine and never cry-out for him to slow down. The faster the better. The heavier his right foot on the accelerator, well, you get the drift. To me, life was one big adventure. But it is not that way today.
In my teen’s, I feared no food of any shape, size or color. I devoured every food that came into my path. To me, food represented all of the tormented-failures that I knew were going to be haunting me for the rest of my life as well as the uppity people that I was forced to attend school with and the failures plus the uppity individuals, I had a full-plate. No wonder that I am how I am today.
What, pray tell, does this have to do with food? A lot more than you would imagine. I know the basics of food . . .every living being has to have some sort of food to stay alive and without it, we would all be zombies staring at the sky and looking for living people to hurt. No. I redact that previous statement. I hate zombies and any TV show or network who promotes these no lives from Hades, so why would I want to be one? I think now that I had much rather be an old guy, but happy with his food choices, than having to try and explain to upcoming high school seniors the Secret Life of Ginger Root.
So Now Comes
the pay-off section of this piece. I am jumping right into the most-important thoughts of my hub because I do know that I love and respect you all because you have lives and jobs and you do not feel up to staying up all night just to read how this hub ends. Am I right?
As the headline (above) indicates, there are those tasty foods that can be dangerous and very annoying all at the same time. Do these particular foods leap to your mind? Okay. Let’s keep moving because my ending has a dynamite ending.
If you, an intelligent American citizen, hard-working, sensitive and cares about others and animals, had a choice, which food can aggravate you more than an afternoon visit with the I.R.S. agent named “Charlies?” Come on now. You must have a lot of foods that you can eaten over the years—would that food be hot chili? Maybe a bowl of steaming hot chicken soup? It gets better.
Pretend That You Are Sitting
at a nice table in an equally-nice restaurant, and you and your date, “Doreen,” a prim and proper conservative woman of 22, single and seeking a job when she passes her CPA exam, and you have been a total-gentleman by allowing “Doreen” to place her order first. I would say that as a perfect gentleman, you can’t be beat.
The talk between you and “Doreen” is light. Just a little mild laughter because you do not want to do anything embarrassing that might tend to run her back home leaving you looking like a fool. And guys, no one really desires to be left holding the bag, plus looking like a fool when your lovely blonde date got upset and you then left.
“Doreen” smiles at you. There is no way that you, as a man, could feel better at this moment. Even the music that is softly-playing over the P.A. system is so soothing that you could go right to sleep. Now you and your pretty date are gazing intently into each other’s eyes. What a night, you say to yourself.
Then, Like Magic
your waiter, “Mike,” brings you a bowl of appetizers: fresh potato chips that you severely-hate, but “Doreen” is a “Potato Chip Freak,” and she all but grabs the bowl from “Mike’s” hands to hers—and then begins to slowly munching each chip causing the crunching to cause your nerves to scream. But you hold it well. You know that if you show any dislike for “Doreen’s” love for potato chips, she will leave right now. You look at the bowl and silently-pray that there aren’t many chips left, but how wrong can you be? “Doreen” has munched a FEW potato chips and now she is going after more in her slow, methodical fashion. You are now on the verge of a mental break-down. How dare you say that potato chips are safe!
Here Is Another
food source is piping-hot soup of any flavor. Some of you have experienced this near-death experience when your favorite aunt, a widow, had you over for dinner and for an appetizer she gave you a bowl of hot tomato soup, but it did not look as if it were hot, but one sip told the story and your lip had a nasty burn. Yeah. Soup is tame.
Introducing an Old Friend,
the All-American dish, the red delicious apple is one dangerous and annoying food that I need to talk about here. Did you ever notice that each time you are in the presence of an “Apple Lover,” and they just have to have that apple or die? You try to get them to thinking about something else because apples are not your favorite fruit, and no amount of talking to the “Apple Lover” will do. She slowly plants her front teeth, top and bottom, into the middle of this delicious apple and you hear the C-R-U-N-N-N-N-C-H that causes sweat to puddle on your back. Then the “Apple Lover,” asks if you want a bite, because as she says, I know how to give.
An Honest Confession of
ahhh, how sweet and tasty the ice cream cone can be on a hot summer afternoon. And from every indication, this food is harmless. Not! As in the case of “Doreen,” who loves potato chips, notice the man eating an ice cream cone and minding his own business. But if he or someone else would be eating the cone in a quiet room, say a room where people are waiting to board the train, and then the man or woman with the cone lets go a huge popping crunch, but YOU are the only one who is irritated. And the man may be old, but he is still in fine shape, so you leave him be.
This Controversial Segment
deals with an awkward food moment. Do you see the poor guy in the (above) photo, who are sucking on a half of lemon? I can tell you from experience that this is so painful to let the pure lemon juice flood into the mouth, so you attend a family reunion and there is “that” uncle, “Denver,” who has taken so many hard drugs that he does not know his own name, and he gets into your face and dares you to do as he is doing with that half lemon. Is the lemon dangerous? Not really, but if you are suggestive, then your mouth is feeling the same affects that “Denver” is feeling.
Now Look At The
so-called humble, tame, and quiet doughnuts that have white powdered confectioner sugar on them. Don’t they look good? I could eat an entire bag right now. But please take my advice and look at the poor guy in the picture above and he looks worried. Why? When he took the first bite of his doughnut covered with white confectioner sugar, he forgot and inhaled a lot of that dry sugar down his throat. What is going to happen now? If he doesn’t get some liquid down his gullet, then you will be saddled to phone the EMT’s.
Are you hungry? I’m not.
July 19, 2019______________________________________________________
© 2019 Kenneth Avery