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From the famous Eric's Cooking Corner -- fake smoking?

Updated on June 20, 2013

I have a very special place and space to barbecue.

It is called:

ANYTIME

ANYWHERE

ANYPLACE

ANYWHO

ANYWHAT

So you have a perfect beginning charcoal base.

Today as always I recommend Mesquite charcoal or oak charcoal. Remember now real charcoal is pre-burndt and about the size of a fist of the chef. Today go ahead and add, about a third after about 15 minutes. Pre-dowse this last third with lighter fluid. let it soak in for about four to five minutes. After that it just evaporates, which is cool but not too fast.

So you see what we got is a charcoal pit with two thirds coaling up just right and in ten minutes another third between flame and coal. Perfecto. Now you get to the fun.

Smoke is used in liturgical stuff to signify the raising to heaven. I like that, what until you taste this technique.

Think about it, the man Jesus always ate barbecue.
Think about it, the man Jesus always ate barbecue. | Source

Sit around and whittle a while.

What I like to do is get my two foot long branch of wood and just sit over a bucket and whittle awhile. Our favorite wood can be a fruit wood like Cherry or Apple, or it can be Mesquite or Oak. Birch works but not so well. Again, not coniferous, the pitch is wrong. What you do is find a stool and get a 5 gallon or less bucket. Clean it. Put in a gallon of perfect water. and a half cup of sugar, brown I hope.

Whittling is something us old timers used to do to pass the time as we told stories and passed the cider. There is a time of day, too hot to work, not for us, but because touching dirt and plants during the heat of the day is bad for 'em. Take a siesta or hang out with us and whittle. Whittling is stroking a stick of wood with a rigid blade and carving pieces off of it. If you want to you can shape something. I has probably carved/whittled at least 40 hardwood letter openers for folks as presents.

But what we do today is to let those shavings fall into our bucket and get all soaked up wet. All we need is 4-6 cups worth. Then drain excess water. Set out in the air. Watch close now as the outside begins to dry and turn lighter you are right on time.

This here is tough desert country. Barbecuing here is necessary so as to keep heat out of the kitchen.

In our home town Cu Chi, VN. the kitchen used to be apart from the house with a big five by five fire pit..
In our home town Cu Chi, VN. the kitchen used to be apart from the house with a big five by five fire pit.. | Source

How fun. This is for any good barbecue with a cover.

Wow I feel bad for saying that, my apologies to poor folk. A cheapo fake Weber will do. So you get any meat all ready and then you take and spread a thin layer of your chips over the charcoal, quickly place your meat on the grill and close the lid with every vent open.

And run away for ten minutes. Then come back with a crew. And open the lid fancy pantsy style. Whalah! Cover your eyes of jump back Jack. A big flame should ignite. And you must remain calm and turn you meat once. Then replace the lid and tell a ridiculous story to those who now think that you are a master grill master.

American Native Indians only barbecued and baked.

Perhaps his lament is better than our cement.
Perhaps his lament is better than our cement. | Source
Prep time: 45 min
Cook time: 29 min
Ready in: 1 hour 14 min
Yields: First course and happy.

I fully suggest doing this alone first.

I know, I know doing things for the first time is half the excitement. But it is kind of fun to play first with your new toy/method. Here is a fun one to try: No water to soak the chips. Another is to use lemon juice and wine vinegar to soak them.

A real cheap bottle of red wine/merlot to soak the chips is awesome. I personally cheat here. I sprinkle liberally on the chips, Oregano and Garlic salt. Oh my the smell is wah wah wah baby!

Even skeptics come waddling out to see what smells so good.


Sunset is the time to create for the next day may be too late.

Peace be upon you my friend, all you sins are forgiven.
Peace be upon you my friend, all you sins are forgiven. | Source

Cooking must be an event.

Women, here me clear and hear me well. Having a plate of food ready is nothing compared to the anticipation when you are cooking. Seize this day and all days. Never finish the smells and fun in your kitchen before others congregate there. Fun finger/snack food is just wonderful to draw the bastards from their nests.

Cheat, steal, trick and fraudulently get them into my kitchen to talk about the day and the things that make the stomach worth feeding.

All people who read this, take away a truth. Nobody every blamed nobody for making the day better with food.

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    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      5 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Epi my friend, you are too kind. It was the wee hours here when I dropped in to my favorite thought store at: http://hubpages.com/@epigramman

      Actually I get up early on Sundays and meditate and prepare my sermons and bible studies. Lately I have started that out, reading Epi. Perhaps some "Christians" would scratch their head at that. But to me,,, the Joy and Love of life is the greatest message we can give.

      And so this poor peasant laborer gathers inspiration from a true master, Epi. Any good Rabbi knows to teach by asking questions. Colin does one better ---- He makes us ask the questions of ourselves and knock down our preconceived perspectives, and then alas we may learn.

      Today I say Amen to Epi.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 

      5 years ago

      Man, Sir Eric, I just love your hub seminars/sermons ........ they are wise and witty, hilarious and truthful, and everything inbetween. You really should have your own reality cable tv show - called - Life with Sir Eric.

      You've got the looks, you've got the charm and you just happen to be one of the best darn writers out there - I am always entertained and to balance things out I always come away - enlightened too !

      Long live Eric the Great and thank you for these handy cooking/barbecue tips - and sending 3 big hugs from Colin and his cat crew with first cup of coffee and a lovely Schubert piano sonata on a warm and sunny morning by the lake at 11:02am

      p.s. - sharing with a link on my FB page - I am trying to make you famous on Facebook - I will also share your main/bio/introduction page as well - a sweet double slice of Sir Eric I would say

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      5 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Well I do not cook while I am writing about it! I got my first job as a cook when I was 14. And I sold my share of a steakhouse at 39, so I suppose I have actually really cooked. And yes I amuse myself when thinking about it. Thanks MsDora.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      5 years ago from The Caribbean

      Eric, do you really cook, or do you just think about it? I guess you have fun either way. Always amusing suggestions!

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      5 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thanks Bill. Life is good.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      That is a truth I can swallow my friend. :)

      Have a great weekend, Eric!

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