Fun Facts, Things to Do with Our Friend, The Doughnut
My intense research about doughnuts
I give you my solemn word as a man, your friend, and a loyal citizen of the United States of America that "this" hub IS going to be THE one that I "knock it out of the park," get tons of comments and even have it published as an Editor's Choice on the HubPages Weekly Nuggets email. Wait and see.
This topic is about the sweet, tasty, warm, non-confrontational, friend to all no matter what race, creed, color or national origin. Today I am going to talk about one of, if not the all-time favorite food of our country: The doughnut.
Before I begin my observations (that you will enjoy), I give you some brief, but oh so vital information about the doughnut. While you read the following, I will be taking a much-needed break.
Wouldn't you love a fresh doughnut right now?
Controversial origin of doughnuts
Doughnuts have a disputed beginning. One theory says doughnuts were invented in North America by Dutch settlers, and in the 19th century, doughnuts were thought of as (a Dutch word literally meaning "oil cake"), a "sweetened cake fried in fat." Then in 1847, Hanson Gregory, an American, claimed to have designed the ring-shaped doughnut aboard a lime-trading ship at 16 years old.
You can take whatever for the truth about doughnuts. I really do not feel like starting a "fire storm" about where doughnuts came from or who invented them. I say let's just eat doughnuts and respect each other. The world will be a better place if we put this simple principle into practice.
There is more to eating a doughnut than just picking it up, placing it in your mouth and biting down on it. Bet you did not know that. I didn't either. That was until I dug and dug some more about some untold facts about the beloved doughnut. And what you are about to read might astonish you. It did me.
Fun Facts, Things to Do with Our Friend, The Doughnut
I wish I were single again so I could throw a bachelor party using doughnuts!
Fun and games with doughnuts
- Place a jelly-filled doughnut on a table with five friends in a circle. Then have each friend draw one card from a deck and the friend with the highest card gets to smash the jellied doughnut to see the sticky jelly stick to the rest of your friends.
- See how many doughnuts you can stack within a certain time limit without the stack falling over. This game is always a hit at a bridal shower, but not as much at a bachelor party.
- Speaking of bachelor parties, some daring bachelors out for unbridled fun will fill a few dozen doughnuts with vodka, bourbon and whiskey before the bachelor party starts and the object of this game is to see which guy can eat the most "rigged" doughnuts without having to regurgitate. or pass out.
- You can take four fresh doughnuts and stick them to a nice-looking cake and give it to a child who is under the weather. You can tell the child that the cake is a car with huge wheels.
- Did you know there is a game called "Doughnut Horseshoes?" Yep. Just like the old standard, Horseshoes, two players stand around 10 feet apart and take turns tossing their four doughnuts at a stake driven in the ground. The player who makes a direct hit, or causing the stake to go through the hole in the doughnut gets ten points. No points for closest doughnut to the stake or "leaners."
Practical uses for doughnuts around the house
- If you do not have a stopper for your kitchen sink to catch water for washing your dishes, simply stuff two glazed doughnuts down the drain as if they were the stopper, the water will not escape. Then you can get your dirty dishes done. But in all reality, I do not recommend doing this often. Just buy a drain stopper at your local department store for under two bucks.
- Don't have a toy for your pet tabby? Simply tie a piece of twine to a jellied doughnut and tabby will go nuts having fun with his new toy. And when snack time arrives, tabby will have his delicious snack in front of him. Most cats will paw into the doughnut to get the sweet jelly. Then after eating his fill of the sweet nectar, he will go to sleep for a long nap while you make-out with your boy or girlfriend.
- Note to babysitters: as in above tip, if "junior" is cranky and will not fall asleep for his nap, let him nibble a glazed doughnut until his little tummy is full then sleep will come swiftly.
- Having trouble with thieves? Take a dozen fresh doughnuts and fill each one with a powerful-but-tasty laxative. Then place the box of doughnuts on something valuable in or near your carport. When the thief nabs the box of doughnuts and gobbles them down, he will think twice about hitting your place again.
Bonus: Welcome to "Doughnut Education"
Things not to do with doughnuts
- Using doughnuts to throw at noisy blackbirds does no good at all. Fact is, all birds love doughnuts and by throwing these tasty items at them to drive them away from your home, will only entice their friends to join them.
- Attention illegal drug users: You cannot get a "high" from trying to smoke doughnuts. If you try this, you are stupid and you deserve all of the humiliation given by your other "druggie" friends for your actions.
- Serving doughnuts to your children every morning is not recommended by the P.T.A. or any school-related organization.
- Giving a new girlfriend a box of doughnuts each time you pick her up can lead to a nasty break-up because every hot girl's weight or lack thereof, is her number one priority.
- Sending doughnuts through the U.S. Postal Service is not wise. Sure you wanted to give "Aunt Wilma," a nice Christmas surprise via mail, but by the time your "gift" is handled by thousands of postal workers, it will be in crumbs when it arrives at "Aunt Wilma's" house and she will have hurt feelings at your lack of sensitivity.
Legal things to do with doughnuts
- Talking to one or more doughnuts for fun or therapy is not against any law.
- Using a doughnut as a hand puppet to entertain groups of kids is fine.
- "Walking" a doughnut (with leash) because your apartment building forbids pets is okay with the authorities.
- Singing to your doughnuts while strumming a banjo, guitar or playing a piano will not send you to prison.
- Standing outside your home on the sidewalk and giving doughnuts to rank strangers may seem weird to the strangers, but it is not against the law.
- Using a collection of various doughnuts as ornaments for your Christmas tree is perfectly fine. And when all of the relatives gather for your annual Christmas celebration, the kids, or adults can eat the ornaments right off the tree. This too is not illegal.
- And at your annual Thanksgiving dinner with your relatives, eating a tasty turkey stuffed with doughnuts instead of stuffing will be a refreshing departure for everyone.
Make new music with doughnuts
- Use the word "doughnut" to replace "star" in the American classic, "How Would You Like to Swing on a Star?" but you sing . . ."How would you like to 'eat' a dough-nut?'" See how that song is 'sweeter?'
- You can do the same with "Somewhere Over The Rainbow," made famous by Judy "Dorothy" Garland in the Wizard of Oz. Just sing, "Some--where over the dough-nut," and heads will turn.
The list is endless.
- One more. Take the song, "Ballad of Jed Clampett." Change it to, "Ballad of Krispy Kreme," by singing, "Come and listen to my story about a Kris-py Kre-me," and your friends will be telling you what a songwriter you are.
- This one is not using 'doughnut' to change a song lyric, but it does apply to music. Attention females who love to attend rock concerts and toss your bra's and panties on stage at the hot lead singer: Throw fresh doughnuts instead. First, it is a novel idea. Not overdone bra and panty thing that has really been done to death and second, the band members can eat the doughnuts for anyone knows that those in these bands adhere to a tight schedule and have little time to eat, so you are providing a great service to them.
In closing . . .I would, if I were a cheap, cold-hearted skuz bucket, ask that all of you, my cherished followers, send me a dozen doughnuts for doing such a great job on this hub, but the editors at HubPages, namely Matt, might get a bad case of jealousy at my shrewd marketing skills.
Still hungry to learn more about doughnuts?
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