Hope's Society For Additional Teaspoons
Today has been my day for writing about Important Things. So far I've tackled our shallow obsession with prettiness, the omnipresent threat of terror, the decline of freedom and something about women cheating, but now there's something else which has come to my attention, and that is the dire lack of teaspoons we face on this planet.
Think about it. There's always a fork when you need one, but how often do you reach for a teaspoon and suddenly discover that there are no clean teaspoons left. You are then forced to use a larger spoon and guesstimate how much coffee and sugar you need. Ye gods. Something should be done about this. Something must be done about this. I can handle the fact that people occasionally try to blow planes up, but the dire lack of tea spoons is something that must not go undressed a moment longer. This, my friends, is a problem we can solve. It is a problem we must solve.
Alanis Morisette famously wrote about 10,00 spoons when all you need is a knife in her song about irony which ironically contained 0 examples of irony in it, and revealed herself as a celebrity, distinct and separate from us little people who will invariably be plagued with a surplus of steak knives, (which will leave lines in the butter,) but never sufficient teaspoons.
When cutlery manufacturers are creating their cutlery sets that they sell to you in those deviously heavy cardboard boxes that make you think you are bringing home a king's ransom of cutlery, there should be more than four teaspoons. There should be more than eight tea spoons. There should be at least three teaspoons to every other piece of cutlery in the set because tea spoons are nature's most versatile and useful piece of cutlery.
Not only are they used for making tea, coffee and other warm beverages, they are also useful for eating yogurt, cereal and other foods which you want to make last a long time. Eat cake with a tea spoon and you will be enjoying the flavor infinitely longer than you would do if you ate it with the behemoth desert spoon, a spoon which doesn't even fit inside the mouths of most standard sized humans. The tea spoon exists at the pinnacle of spoonery, and it is no longer acceptable for the average household to have only enough spoons to allow every person to make three cups of coffee and then dump the spoon in the sink. No! There should be reserves a plenty! We need clean teaspoons like we need oxygen, and by jove, we should have them.
Give us more teaspoons I say!
