How to Make a Sandwich at Home (Humor)

To begin with, you will need bread. Two slices are the usual quantity. The filling goes in between the slices of bread.

Of course, there is always the option of making an inside-out sandwich, with the cheese or whatever filling on the outside, and the bread in the middle. Depending on the filling, though, this could get rather messy, as in the case of peanut butter and jelly.

Next, you may want something on the bread between the bread and filing. You can think of this ingredient in one of two ways:

1. as an additional flavor punch
2. as a lubricant to help you swallow the filling

In the first case, you can use whatever strikes your fancy; in the second case, usually necessary with peanut butter, I find butter or margarine works best.

Pick your cell phone out of the jelly, and wipe it off.

Chase the begging dog out of the room.

Fish your phone out of the dishpan where if fell when you were wiping it.

Kick the cat off the counter.

Call a friend to see if your phone still works.

Wipe the kid's nose.

Repeat these steps as needed.

A sandwich can be as simple or as complicated and ridiculous as you care to make it. Two slices of bread, a spread of some sort, and a single filling ingredient is quick and easy.

Or, you could make a club sandwich, with three slices of bread, two layers of filling, and lots of ingredients.

Then, there are the "kid-pleasing specials." (See recipe, below.)

Yes, plate your sandwich. That's what the professional chefs call serving food; plating it.

Make sure you use a luncheon plate, or even a dinner plate or paper plate. We don't want you plating it for posterity, as with bronze baby shoes. Not that kind of plating!

Move the cat out of your favorite chair, and sit down to eat your sandwich.

Oh, darn! Forgot your drink? Go get it!

Come back and once more remove the cat from your chair. Now, you are unsure if kitty has licked your sandwich; he has a suspicious look on his sweet little furry face.

Sit down, and begin eating. Oh! Halfway done; you realize you forgot your napkin. Get up, and find it. Come back to your chair, and yep--you guessed it; remove kitty once again.

Sit down to finish, and notice the plate is now empty. You are positive you only ate half the sandwich. Search the floor, and the chair. No--it's not there. Aha! There, under the table, lies the dog, licking his chops and looking only slightly remorseful.

Better luck next time.